I have never relapsed with alchohal or drugs, but have found my way to other addictions. Sex, internet, gambling, pornography, ect.
I have become very lazy in my recovery.
I have not gone to a meeting in about 6 months - I simply leave my house as if I am going and drive around for an hour and go home.
I can't remember the last time I read any of my books, and praying is something that is done sparingly.
I know all the correct "recovery" speak - and know what I should be doing--but I am not.
I recently lost a job that I loved (I resigned my high school basketball coaching job) about 3 years ago. Coaching had always been something that defined me and who I thought I was - when I lost that - I feel like I lost a big part of myself. I know I am feeling sorry for myself and feel like I have been in the "Fuck It" stage for about 2 1/2 years now. I feel like I am just going thru the motions of life.
Phil is right. We can't think our way to feeling better. We must take action, like exercising. At first we don't have the energy but we gain it by getting out of our comfort zone and moving. I think what I'm hearing is self centered fear about something lost or not gained. Start with gratitude (you're very fortunate for not having to drink for 14 years, a place to live, food to eat, a car to drive around while someone thinks you're at a meeting). Get busy, your time here is not unlimited.
Congrats on 14 years sobriety. That's a fantastic achievement.
For me, I couldn't stay sober if I didn't go to my meetings. Sometimes, when I least feel like going I hear just the thing that I needed to hear. I make time to read AA literature each day and to have contact with another alcoholic. If I don't, then I know I'll pick up a drink again and I can't afford to do that for every reason you can think of.
If I could have thought my way sober then I would have done it years ago and not caused as much chaos as I did. But, AA can help with my thinking and that's what I need.
Please keep posting and letting us know how it goes for you, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Hiya, Chris. Welcome to MIP! At the risk of sounding overly simplistic I would say you're bored, if I may offer an answer to your question! Looking for something other.. Might land you back in trouble. Get yourself to a meeting. You might hear something from someone that might surprise you & reinvigorate your lust for life. When I'm bored I know tis cuz I'm feeling immune, ungrateful & wonderless. I hope your next meeting brings you a little something of what you need & sparks your imagination. Maybe you need an adventure, a new hobby, a spiritual retreat. Well done for your many days of sobriety 1Day@aTime. I'm sure you know how to work a great program when you reapply yourself. Lots of luck for your remergence. Let us know how it goes, Danielle ;)
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
That is just what I needed - a little kick in the pants.
Ungrateful is probably the word I should be using. I have a great life - a beautiful wife, 2 great sons, a good job, nice house, good health....yet I use the one thing that I lost (the coaching job) to loath in self-pity.
God has a plan for me - and I need to trust that (though I wish he would send me a burning bush sometimes since I am not the best at reading his signs). There is a reason for everything and I need to trust that he has something in store for me, or a reason I am not coaching anymore - whatever that may be.
maybe some else needs the coaching job more right now, or there's a better position for you that you're not aware of yet. Meybe your family needs you more right now. Coaching often take time away from the family. Coach Joe Gibbs left the Redskins 10 years ago because he was missing his own son's football games. We are really resistent to change, but when we let go and give to the new arrangement, we find out that it's interesting and most times to our liking. Not coaching for awhile involves a lot of letting go of control. I never coached, but I did supervise 50-100 construction workers on hi-rise buildings. It was a great feeling and alot of fun. It was very different when it ended and I started working for myself. There was just me and one other. I had to learn to lower my voice a little lol.
I'm still self employed so I never know what where who when I'm working next. It used to give me stress but now I just realize I'm on a train ride that I'm not steering. It's more fun as a passenger lol. Kick back and enjoy the ride, and for God's sake if you tell your wife you're going to meeting GO.
Hi Birdman Welcome to MIP!!!! Great to see you sharing and opening your eyes wide to the wonders around you!!! All worth keeping Im sure!!!!
My husband texted me this today....."It is a maudlin form of martyrdom, which we can ill afford-self pity"
"Self-pity is one of the most unhappy and consuming defects that we know. It is a bar to all spiritual progress and can cut off all effective communication with our fellows because of its inordinate demands for attention and sympathy. It is a maudlin form of martyrdom, which we can ill afford.
"The remedy? Well, let's have a hard look at ourselves, and a still harder one at A.A.'s Twelve Steps to recovery. When we see how many of our fellow A.A.'s have used the Steps to transcend great pain and adversity, we shall be inspired to try these life-giving principles for ourselves."
Stick around and use your toolbox!!!!
Lani
-- Edited by lani at 19:48, 2008-01-03
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
I feel like Ive been in a similar place. I just never quit going to meetings. When my wife left me it was easy to blame God and resent God. After all He is everything or nothing right? I was lucky enough to get a new sponsor at 10 years sober who asked me the right questions to help me figure out my own truth. Telling somebody the truth about how I am abusing other instant pleasure type vices tends to reduce the grip they have over me. Maybe when you go through the steps God will remove from you the things you inventory which you find objectionable. Ive found concentrating on doing the possitive things like steps or meetings or yard work or throwing the football with jr. can be more effective than making resolutions to stop compulsive behaviors.
