Hi, i'm new here and I wanted to get a post off my chest. I'm Paul, 21 years old, and i'm an alcoholic.
I don't know how this happened, what series of steps led me to this point, but the days i'm living right now are the worst i've ever been living in my life. I'm rapidly spiraling downward, and it's time to put an end to this. Alcohol has consumed my life. I barely even feel like leaving the house during the day, all I do is lay on the couch and watch tv, feeling scared and helpless. In the past few months i've gotten a 24 hour suspension due to alcohol, crashed my truck, and lost my job, and the most important thing in my life, lost my girlfriend. I'm nearing rock bottom, and I need to know that there were others out there who were in the same or similar position as me.
The thing with me is, I WANT to quit drinking. I don't want to drink anymore. But it's so entwined in my life that i'm scared. I've gone a couple days without drinking, and they are the worst days ever. Shakes, anxiety and panic attacks, fear of everything around me. And the only thing that takes these away is alcohol. It's even gone as far as me thinking about suicide. I wouldn't say I have any serious plans at all, but the thought of getting this monkey off my back easily has crossed my mind.
I'm so mad at myself, how I could get to this point. Not to toot my own horn, but I consider myself a pretty bright guy. I have lots of great friends around me, loving parents who support me through thick and thin, and the drive and intelligence to succeed in life. But i'm being held back. Held back by something so stupid and unnecessary, and it's ruining my life. It's time for me to put an end to this through proper means. It's time for me to wake up and start my life, the proper way, the way I was meant to.
Thanks for listening, good luck with whatever you're pursuing in your life.
Thanks so much for your post, Paul. Welcome to MIP. I identified with practically everything you said in your share though for me my bottom didn't result in losing a job. I simply avoided full-time responsibility in the first place. I worked but on a relief basis so I was in & out of there with some level of anonymity. They didn't know what was going on in my private life. I didn't even bother learning to drive; too expensive when I could be spending it on 'having a good time'. Like you, I have successfully ruined a few relationships whether family, friends or intimate. I'm glad you've reached this point at the age of 21 because though you may feel like your life is in tatters right now, you can begin again at any time & esp being this young means you're in good stead to make a great recovery. You've emphasised that you WANT to stop all of this & change your life & you've recognised that drink is currently playing a major part in all destructive. Don't lose hope cuz you've passed the only requirement for membership in AA & the next means a desire to go to any lengths to achieve sobriety. It's hard work, Paul. I kid you not but you're showing great heart & stamina & you're asking for help. That's such a fantastic place to be coming from. Keep coming back, share with us where you're at & I can assure you, you'll get some great support & advice. Nobody here will tell you what to do. They'll tell you what they did & where it got them & you can take your inspiration from there. That's what I did. I went to a few meetings, I listened & shared & eventually found a sponsor. These are the baby steps that lead to big changes & if you want to stop drinking ~ Get ready for changing. I hope you enjoy your journey. The world's a great place to be & I'm glad you're still here. Don't give up. Danielle x
__________________
Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
There was so much that I identified with in what you said and where you are right now. I didn't quite lose everything, but I came very close to it. Towards the end of my drinking, I just didn't want to go outside my home and I felt very helpless.
I had tried AA eighteen months earlier, but decided that I could handle my alcohol without going to meetings. My drinking in those eighteen months really took off and I went rapidly downhill.
I've been back with AA for just over two years and I am coming up to two years sobriety. AA has given me a life again and so much that I thought I was going to lose forever hasn't happened. I just take life one day at a time and try not to drink for that day. But, I couldn't do it without AA and the wonderful people that I have met there.
Perhaps you could check out AA in your area and go to a few meetings. You'll find a 'phone number in your local 'phone book.
Alcohol is no respecter of our ages, intelligence, career and so on. It can happen to anyone at any age. I so wish that I had tackled my alcoholism much earlier than I did. The great thing is that you want to stop drinking. AA will help to give you the tools that you need.
Please keep coming back and letting us all know how you are getting on, won't you? You're not on your own.
Take care,
Carol
__________________
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Thanks for the support guys. I'm definetly down on my luck right now, but I feel like I can get through this, it might be a horrible few days though. I'm going to a meeting tomorrow afternoon, i'm looking forward to it.
Paul, please let us know how the meeting tomorrow goes for you, won't you? You'll meet some wonderful people who are so friendly and helpful. I love my meetings and I have made some true friends, too.
Take care,
Carol
__________________
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Hi Paul, great post. Well you have the main ingredients for sobriety, desparation, and willingness. It's important for you to move on this feeling of wanting to recover from this disease asap. This is not a lack of will power or laziness. It's a very difficult thing to beat, and millions of alcoholics have gotten sober and lead tremendous lives acheiving more than they could have ever imagined, but it does take dedication and work to get there.
If you're in school, I'd think about taking a semister off and getting into a treatment center for 90 days. Your chances for staying sober will increase dramatically. I haven't heard of too many (none that I can recall) that got sober while they were in college, but if you could get to AA meetings every day (hey you're drinking daily now right?), it could be done.
As far as all that you're going thru now, been there and done that many times. I wish that that was all that happened. I hope you can avoid some of the tougher things that haven't happened to you Yet.
The earliest days of sobriety ARE terribly difficult, BUT, trust me, more than worth the pain. Your story echoes most of ours. You are not alone. Try to get yourself to a meeting, get a sponsor, and start working the steps. Is started right off reading the Big Book of AA and found the en tire thing to be about ME!
I never thought I would survive the 1st 30 days sober, but did so and will be eternally glad that I stuck with it.
Hey Paul. You sound so much like me when I was your age. Except all I wanted to do was keep drinking. I never made the connection that it was the alcohol. I continued to drink for 20 some odd years more until I had enough of the booze. By coming to the decision to quit where you are you will have a chance that I did not afford my self. A good life. The people you will meet in AA will give you a life you can not possibly emagine. You mat eventually feel as though I do now. That my alcholism is a gift. For with out it I would not be living the truely free life that I do now. I know the DT's are hard, and you may want to see a doctor, and be completely honest with them. Life gets so much better. I promiss
__________________
Don't wait for your ship to come in... Swim out to it!
