Learn the art of acceptance. It's a lot of grief. -- Codependent No More
Sometimes, as part of taking care of ourselves, it becomes time to end certain relationships. Sometimes, it comes time to change the parameters of a particular relationship.
This is true in love, in friendships, with family, and on the job.
Endings and changes in relationships are not easy. But often, they are necessary.
Sometimes, we linger in relationships that are dead, out of fear of being alone or to postpone the inevitable grieving process that accompanies endings. Sometimes, we need to linger for a while, to prepare ourselves, to get strong and ready enough to handle the change.
If that is what we are doing, we can be gentle with ourselves. It is better to wait until that moment when it feels solid, clear, and consistent to act.
We will know. We will know. We can trust ourselves.
Knowing that a relationship is changing or is about to end is a difficult place to be in, especially when it is not yet time to act but we know the time is drawing near. It can be awkward and uncomfortable, as the lesson draws to a close. We may become impatient to put closure on it, but not yet feel empowered to do that. That's okay. The time is not yet right. Something important is still happening. When the time is right, we can trust that it will happen. We will receive the power and the ability to do what we need to do.
Ending relationships or changing the boundaries of a particular relationship is not easy. It requires courage and faith. It requires a willingness on our part to take care of ourselves and, sometimes, to stand-alone for a while.
Let go of fear. Understand that change is an important part of recovery. Love yourself enough to do what you need to do to take care of yourself, and find enough confidence to believe that you will love again.
We are never starting over. In recovery, we are moving forward in a perfectly planned progression of lessons. We will find ourselves with certain people - in love, family, friendships, and work - when we need to be with them. When the lesson has been mastered, we will move on. We will find ourselves in a new place, learning new lessons, with new people.
No, the lessons are not all painful. We will arrive at that place where we can learn, not from pain, but from joy and love.
Our needs will get met.
Today, I will accept where I am in my relationships, even if that place is awkward and uncomfortable. If I am in the midst of endings, I will face and accept my grief. God, help me trust that the path I am on has been perfectly and lovingly planned for me. Help me believe that my relationships are teaching me important lessons. Help me accept and be grateful for middles, endings, and new beginnings.
From The Language of Letting Go
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
I had to do one of the hardest and most painful things in my life yesterday. I had to say goodbye to my beloved little friend, Milo. He just turned 9 in November and had been having great difficulty "going". After 3 months of nothing working, the vet diagnosed him with perineal hernias!!
That was last Friday, the 21st. He felt pretty good Christmas Eve and day, and I took him to see all of our friends and loved ones. He seemed to have fun being with everyone, opening his presents, and getting some good treats. The day after Christmas was all downhill, and Thursday night was the worst for us both. I had to make the hardest, yet easiest, decision of my life yesterday and have him put to rest. We both knew it was time to say goodbye. I haven't cried like this, nor has my heart ached so painfully like this in over 25 years!
I found myself not wanting to drink, but wanting to drink. I only want to remove the pain and sadness. I did not want this relationship to end and I don't like change and I certainly don't like the pain. I got up this morning without my little buddy smiling and warmly, lovingly greeting me. I can't stop crying.
It's as if todays message is for me. (how typical of a self-centered alky!! lol) It's like God is sending me a message that my little buddy is with Him and he's happy, and I need to keep on keeepin' on. I will always remember how he loved me so wholeheartedly and unconditionally.
Spry
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My mind is a dangerous neighborhood. I dare not go there alone.
Yes, I'm just trying to take this one minute at a time. I just went to my favorite morning meeting and tried to share my grief and how much support I have helping me get through this painful time, but I can't stop crying long enough to get the words out.
I have this "Language of Letting Go" book. It was given to me by a friend in the program when I had reached 18 months sobriety, but I don't use it very often. After today I plan on using it on a daily basis. I know he's happy and doing fine where he is and I know I'll be fine in time as long as I have the people I love in and out of AA. And I know I will love again.
I just love these little "aha!" moments that let me know I belong here.
Spry
Jessica
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My mind is a dangerous neighborhood. I dare not go there alone.
So sorry about losing your cherished loved one. Sounds like he was loved to pieces! Im sure the tears and pain will last a while but always try to remember all the good times and remember how touched your life was because of him!!! Your in my thoughts!!! Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
