I'm reading Anthony Kiedis' book "Scar Tissue" again after a couple years and today ran across a paragraph that struck me as familiar to my own trip with alcohol (pp 147-148):
"Before I left L.A. I was using more heroin than I wanted to. I started off with these rules that I'd do it once a week, because if you do it more than once a week you're in danger of getting strung out. Then it would be like, "I'll do it twice this week but I wont do it at all next week." Day three comes up and you're like "I'm just going to put a day in between each time I use, because that way I can never get strung out." Then it was like, "If I do it two days in a row and then dont do it for two days, and then just do it one day- I wont get strung out." I was losing that battle.
That was exactly my M.O. with alcohol. When I first picked up again at 36 I would drink like three beers, maybe six on a big night out. Then I'd teetotal for a couple days. The rule was no less than two days between. Then it got to be every other day, then two days on and one off. Pretty soon it was just drink a crapload and get slaughtered one night and then just have a few the next couple nights. After a while I got to that point where I was drinking every night and four or five pints would finish me off, passed out on the couch. Once it jumped from being a somewhat manageable "alcohol problem" to being apparent that it was alcoholism, there was no tempering it. Abstinance is the only thing that works for me.
The funny thing is the people who say, "Just use a little self control" or "Drink a pint of water between each beer and pace yourself." When it comes to booze I don't really know self control anymore- never did have a real good handle on that from day one. I'm an alcoholic- we drink- that's what we do. Well- that or go to meetings.
I was reading some comments about books on Amazon the other day and ran across Herbert Fingerette's book "Heavy Drinking: The Myth of Alcoholism as a Disease" and I had to laugh at some of the comments. People really get behind a guy that will tell them they can still drink. From what I gathered from the reviews and book jacket the book is written as if Fingerette is trying to convince himself that what he says is true. But the reviews struck me as written by people who either were not alcoholics and so could have little insight into precisely what it is to struggle with that particular addiction or that they were alcoholics happy to find someone with "credentials" telling them that it was all a big mistake and that it's okay for them to drink, that everything is going to be A-OK. I actually wanted to buy the book and may someday, but right now I have a ton of unread books in my queue and I don't think I need to read that particular angle just now. Later. Maybe. We'll see.
I did find a neat little book that's light reading and good for short reads at stoplights or waiting rooms or whatever:
"The Recovering Alcoholic Companion (When You Cant Get to a Meeting)" compiled by T.C. Lower.
An essential book for people in all stages of recovery as well as medical professionals and criminal justice officials, The Recovering Alcoholic Companion offers 29 simulated 12 step meetings on various topics and 36 short essays of experience, strength, and hope. These 'meetings' are simulated renditions only. All precautions have been taken to protect the anonymity of the program and its members. The purpose of this book is to serve as a companion to recovering alcoholics who are unable to get to a meeting by providing the material to conduct their own meeting. Because the foremost reason alcoholics relapse is they don't go to meetings, it should be presented by loved ones and recommended by probation officers, doctors, therapists, treatment centers, and incarceration facilities.
About the Author T. C. Lower has compiled this work as a tribute to the wisdom and recovery of the late Phil G. who died as a sober alcoholic with more than 28 years. The resulting collaboration provides credible accounts of experience, strength, and hope without breaking anonymity. T.C. has attended Indiana University, San Francisco State University, Sonoma State University, University of California-Berkeley, College of San Mateo, College of Marin, and the Université de Haute-Bretagne in Rennes, France and has held California and Indiana teaching certificates in French, Spanish, and ESL Education
I used to have so many rules when I was drinking about how much I would drink and when I would drink. I always started out with the best of intentions, but had to make things easier for myself. I would promise myself that I wouldn't drink next day, but I always did, and so on.
When I was still drinking I would have a found a book that told me I could still drink. I would have felt that it was then OK for me to carry on drinking regardless of what I really knew to be true about my drinking.
Thanks for the info on "The Recovering Alcoholic Companion (When You Cant Get to a Meeting)". That is definitely going to be one that I shall look out for.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Thanks Toby! This def reminds me that my mind can play silly games on me and that I really can never drink again (at least for today!) So many times Ive thought, Oh one glass of wine wont kill me.....Then the "YET" creeps in. Thank God for shares like this that remind me of the craziness! Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Hey Toby. I had for gotten the one about drinking water in between drinks. I had not used that one in a while. Any way I guess we all looke for an easier softer way. Part of me wishes I could drink one or two beers every once i a while, but I know I can not. Guess you just have to remember that some peeps are sicker then others. The sad part is that there are true alkies out there trying this program, and there ndisease is still growing out of control.
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Don't wait for your ship to come in... Swim out to it!
my rules were start off on friday night with a 1/5 of jack black and a 12 pack of bud and hope to find some coke, amphetimines, or lsd to curb my drunkeness. smoking pot was out but smoking pcp was a bonus lol. these "rules" were in affect from 14 to 19 years of age till a series of unfortunate incidents convinced me to give up the drugs and hard liquor for awhile and it was beer only till I met my first wife (at 23) and gained a designated driver (who also worked for the clerk of the court allowing me to get a couple of DUIs dropped) then drugs were back in but still beer only. I would think about having only a few beers on week nights but was never serious about it and being in the construction industry, I could get away with being hungover/drunk/missing at work. So I guess I never reached a maturity level (because I started drinking and using around 11/12 yo) to feel any responsibility or guilt to limit my drinking until my son was born at age 27. I started to get sober then and it took 2 long years with many relapses and thanks to only God I got it at 29. So I guess the "rules" thing didn't really take with me.
I love books for recovery. They help so much. Even us Alanoner do the conditions of our habits or addictions. I will only think of him just once, I will only call him once a week and then it turns into everyday. I am not going to watch him today and I do.
my rules were start off on friday night with a 1/5 of jack black and a 12 pack of bud and hope to find some coke, amphetimines, or lsd to curb my drunkeness. smoking pot was out but smoking pcp was a bonus lol. these "rules" were in affect from 14 to 19 years of age till a series of unfortunate incidents convinced me to give up the drugs and hard liquor for awhile and it was beer only till I met my first wife (at 23) and gained a designated driver (who also worked for the clerk of the court allowing me to get a couple of DUIs dropped) then drugs were back in but still beer only. I would think about having only a few beers on week nights but was never serious about it and being in the construction industry, I could get away with being hungover/drunk/missing at work. So I guess I never reached a maturity level (because I started drinking and using around 11/12 yo) to feel any responsibility or guilt to limit my drinking until my son was born at age 27. I started to get sober then and it took 2 long years with many relapses and thanks to only God I got it at 29. So I guess the "rules" thing didn't really take with me.
Well saint Pete Dean I guess some people operate totally outside the rules, despite the option of making the rules up as they go. I have a buddy I grew up with who's like that. He's one of my oldest friends and he's really tough and has saved my ass a few times (way back) but is really a nice guy and means well. We've been freinds since childhood and I can pretty much say anything to him and get away with it. I asked him once "do you think you're an alcoholic?" and he just looked at me and said, "I suppose so. But it's worked so far." He's one of those guys who ignores his hereditary Irish Catholic guilt and just flat doesn't have any rules about stuff like that. The Irish fall so easily take on the mantle of "martyr".
Me- I guess have that guilt and I suppose I have always known better than to think I can let myself get away with it and so I had to make rules to legitimize my drinking. Of course that really didn't last very long. Too easy.
This some it up for me ..... Despite all we can say ,many who are real Alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self-deception and experimentation,they will try to prove themselves exception to the rule,therefore nonealcoholic.
Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning ,drinking only at home,,never having it in the house ,,never drinking during business hours ,,,drinking only at parties,,switching from scotch to brandy ,,drinking only natural wines,,on and on
That worked for a wile ....than it progress were i could not ''stop ''evan if i wanted to i could not get 24 hours .. so i had lost complete control that is were'' alcohol took me''
But today i dont have to live like that thanks to AA Thanks TLH
Russell''' if i make it till next week i will have 15 years '''
