It is our job to identify our needs, and then determine a balanced way of getting those needs met. We ultimately expect our Higher Power and the Universe - not one particular person - to be our source.
It is unreasonable to expect anyone to be able or willing to meet our every request. We are responsible for asking for what we want and need. It's the other person's responsibility to freely choose whether or not to respond to our request. If we try to coerce or force another to be there for us, that's controlling.
There's a difference between asking and demanding. We want love that is freely given.
It is unreasonable and unhealthy to expect one person to be the source for meeting all our needs. Ultimately, we will become angry and resentful, maybe even punishing, toward that person for not supporting us as we expected.
It is reasonable to have certain and well defined expectations of our spouse, children, and friends.
If a person cannot or will not be there for us, then we need to take responsibility for ourselves in that relationship. We may need to set a boundary, alter our expectations, or change the limits of the relationship to accommodate that person's unavailability. We do this for ourselves.
It is reasonable to sprinkle our wants and needs around and to be realistic about how much we ask or expect of any particular person. We can trust ourselves to know what's reasonable.
The issue of expectations goes back to knowing that we are responsible for identifying our needs, believing they deserve to get met, and discover an appropriate, satisfactory way to do that in our life.
Today, I will strive for reasonable expectations about getting my needs met in relationships.
From The Language of Letting Go
__________________
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Oh can I relate to this one! I have this particular friend. For over 10 years we were best friends. Talked every day, went out at least twice a week. Well lately this friend has been in a deep depression. She wont let me in anymore. Shut the door. Im lucky if I talk to her once a month now! I was so angry with her. It ate me up. But I had to realize she is sick and I am self centered to take it personal. I still love her and all I can do to love her is to leave her be adn be here for her when SHE is ready, not when I am ready. Thanks for this post!! Allison
Thanks for the share..... Heard this twice at meetings yesterday! General consensus was "we cannot put 'people' on pedastol's because we are always going to be dissappointed. The only one deserving of this is our HP. He/She will never fail us! Lani
__________________
"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Expectations are one my biggest problems. Especially when I was active I would plan the people's around me days, and when they would not get done what "I" thought they should I would get pissed. Then I would try to drink it away. Even today i still find my self doing this. I am learning to do better. Thank God for progress not perfection.
__________________
Don't wait for your ship to come in... Swim out to it!
