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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> This guy musta been an Alky....I can identify..:)
Post Info TOPIC: This guy musta been an Alky....I can identify..:)
Phil


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This guy musta been an Alky....I can identify..:)
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December 8 - 6:00 PM

 It started to snow.

 The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat

 For hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from

 heaven.

 It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.

 So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.

 I love snow!

 

 December 9

 We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch

 of the landscape.

 What a fantastic sight!

 Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world?

 Moving here was the best idea I've ever had!

 Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again.

 I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.

 This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks

 and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again.

 What a perfect life!

 

 December 12

 The sun has melted all our lovely snow.

 Such a disappointment!

 My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white

 Christmas.

 No snow on Christmas would be awful!

 Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never

 want to see snow again.

 I don't think that's possible.

 Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

 

 December 14

 Snow, lovely snow!  8 inches last night.

 The temperature dropped to -20.

 The cold makes everything sparkle so.

 The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway

 and sidewalks.

 This is the life!

 The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.

 I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll

 certainly get back in shape this way.

 I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.

 

 December 15

 20 inches forecast.

 Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.

 Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels.

 Stocked the freezer.

 The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.

 I think that's silly.

 We aren't in Alaska, after all.

 

 December 16

 Ice storm this morning.

 Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt.

 Hurt like hell.

 The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

 

 December 17

 Still way below freezing.

 Roads are too icy to go anywhere.

 Electricity was off for 5 hours.

 I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.

 Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.

 Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her.

 God I hate it when she's right.

 I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

 

 December 20

 Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last

 night.

 More shoveling!

 Took all day.

 The damn snowplow came by twice.

 Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy

 playing hockey.

 I think they're lying.

 Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower

 and they're out.

 Might have another shipment in March.

 I think they're lying.

 Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.

 I think he's lying.

 

 December 22

 Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white

 shit fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August.

 Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I

 had to piss.

 By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to

 shovel.

 Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter,

 but he says he's too busy.

 I think the asshole is lying.

 

 December 23

 Only 2 inches of snow today .

 And it warmed up to 0.

 The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.

 What is she, nuts?!!

 Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago?

 She says she did but I think she's lying.

 

 December 24

 6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.

 Thought I was having a heart attack.

 If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag

 him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken

 shovel.

 I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and

 then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all

 over where I've just been!

 Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our

 presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.

 

 December 25

 Merry freaking Christmas!

 2 0 more inches of the damn slop tonight -Snowed in.

 The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.

 God, I hate the snow!

 Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over

 the head with my shovel.

 The wife says I have a bad attitude.

 I think she's an idiot.

 If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to

 stuff

 her into the microwave.

 

 December 26

 Still snowed in.

 Why the hell did I ever move here?

 It was all HER idea.

 She's really getting on my nerves.

 

 December 27

 Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14

 hours of waiting for him,

 he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

 

 December 28

 Warmed up to above -20.

 Still snowed in.

 The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!

 

 December 29

 10 more inches.

 Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.

 That's the silliest thing I ever heard.

 How dumb does he think I am?

 

 December 30

 Roof caved in.

 I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million

 dollars,

 not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken

 snow

 shovel up his ass.

 The wife went home to her mother.

 Nine more inches predicted.

 

 December 31

 I set fire to what's left of the house.

 No more shoveling.

 

 January 8

 Feel so good.

 I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.

 Why am I tied to the bed?

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BGG


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this is hilarious!!!  thanks for the laughter!!!!














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learning


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After lamenting about the weather in a letter to Santa (reply to JoniJoni's post about being "in the spirit"), laughed this morning. Report at 10pm said our county was under
a freezing fog warning. Attitude was 'oh well' I was too caught up in looking on line for a couple of things. Was up late. When I finally gave up and went bed, layed there sighing at the thought of another day creeping to work. Most especially not being able to see 3 feet in front of me. Said my prayers and nodded off. WELL, I WILL DO MY BEST TO KEEP my thoughts in line from here on out. What a sense of humor the ole boy has........ The hour I awoke was the hour I was to leave!!!! Mystery how the alarm was in the OFF position! I made it on time.........over those slick roads.......and laughed all the way!!!!


Phil,
You are tooooooo much. Almost fell of my chair laughing!
wanda

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lani


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Phil,
I absolutely LOVE that!!! Especially the part about the broken shovel up his ass!!!! Thank you for sharing!!!!! I too am falling out of my chair!!!!
Lani

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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
nique


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OMG! It is scarry how much I can relate to this guy!!!! During most of it I thought "wow, what a nice guy" then of course.... look out!!! lol Thank you so much for this Phil! It's a gem!!
Allison

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Thank you for letting me share!
TLH


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Too funny!

By the way- we got snow too.

Mauna Kea Snow


I have some pics of my own but this one is WAY better. The friggen stuff keeps melting before I can take the picture!

Aloha and Merry Christmas from Toby biggrin

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Quetzal


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Hi Phil,

Thanks for a great laugh. Oh boy, I can so identify with that guy, though!

Take care,

Carol

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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
lani


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I wanna be in that picture!!!!

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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
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