I'm not gonna start whining and complaining this time... but I'm finally getting some help, realizing I need help, and admitting to things I've been denying all year, can't deny it anymore after the last few days especially, last few weeks even but was still trying to until 2 days ago. I'm absolutely drained, but finally much more calm and mellowed out. I should hear back from my family doctor tomorrow about an appointment with a psychiatrist, they are trying to get me in as soon as possible because the last few days have been so rough, more than rough, can't even describe it.
This is a bit of a blow to me, I was so sure diagnosises I'd been given were just a mistake, just my alcoholism... but at the same time I'm accepting it and willing to accept any kind of help. I'd had a few people tell me before that getting sober would straighten me out, that AA is better and cheaper than therapy and doctors and such. And I listened. I needed to try that experiment, and found out that at least for me just AA is not enough, although overall things have been ok all year, managed the stresses this year fairly well, was doing overall ok, until stresses piled up recently and I've pretty much lost it. Thankfully I made it this long without drinking, and even with the insanity of the last few days I have not had to take a drink, but I also know that if I don't get some help it could lead to that or worse, and that scares me to death.
Plenty of people have also told me that at times outside help is needed, people didn't suggest it to me so much until all this I'm dealing with recently, yet I still fought it, still had to be stubborn, still had to say that AA is enough and I'll get through it (pride played a big part in that). Truth is, although AA helps me tremendously in many ways, it can't help in everything that I deal with either. Once it got to the point of the people closest to me telling me I've got to get help, and then 38 hours of no sleep hit me, and feeling like I've completely lost it... guess I gotta accept it
Sorry, I'm rambling... which I'm really good at lately, my mind just will not stop, will not slow down, even with feeling relatively calm right now, my mind just won't shut up. But I think I'm gonna try to stop my whining on here for the time being, I've done way more than enough of it in the past couple of months... I'm sure many of you are sick of hearing it, I'm sick of it myself lol But I wanted to let y'all know I'm finally gonna get some help, it's just gotten to that point that I can't make it without help.
Good for you Lisa! I think working the program and getting some additional help is your best bet! Your lucky you have your youth on your side and family and friends to support you! Best of luck !! Lani
__________________
"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Well done, chica. You know in your heart the best things for you & it looks like you're facing that now. This program is doing wonders for my self~esteem/respect but I couldn't expect it to be a cure all for every ailment in my life. It's a spiritual program to care for my spiritual needs. If I was suffering in any other way I would seek any appropriate help possible. This program gives me the confidence & sense to do that. I don't know where we get this fear from of going outside the program for help. There could be misguidance or good intentions gone awry there but it doesn't do to get fanatical about something that is a tool. Nothing more; nothing less. Get your help & share if you wish. We're here for each other no matter what our tales involve. Good luck in this path of your journey, Lisa. I'm glad you're feeling a little better & still sharing with us, Danielle x
__________________
Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Lisa, I am so glad to hear you are going to get outside help as well. I receive outside help, and have at times been in therapy for the past several years. I came to AA in the 90's so broken and confused and messed up, and emotionally sick, that the folks in AA were not qualified to help me with some of my problems. The doctors and thapists did though, and my life has gotten significantly better becuase I got all the help I needed, and am back at it again, with AA and outside help working hand-in-hand with eachother.
(((hugs))) joni
__________________
~~"It's hard to be hateful when you're grateful."~~
It's amazing how we can fight things for so long, isn't it?
I start therapy the 20th of this month. I need the extra help besides AA too.
You are not alone (((hugs)))
__________________
"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguements and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
~Herbert Spencer
Thanks y'all... my sponsor will be here soon. my dr called, couldn't get me in with a psychiatrist before January, and I told her I gotta do something sooner than that, soon as possible. the lack of sleep is seriously getting to me, I've been a mess, and am so run down from it, and now starting to get manic again which will mean more lack of sleep... if I keep going like this I'm gonna really lose it. I had to flush the couple of pain pills I'd saved, was keeping them in case the back pain gets really bad again like it'd been, but I don't trust myself having them in the house. It's not like I'm wanting to drink, or wanting to take pills, but the thought kept going back to how drinking was how I dealt with the lack of sleep before, and then the thought was popping up that one of those pills would knock me out after not having one in so long. so I know if this gets worse then it'd be too much of a temptation. Anyway (yeah my thoughts are really bouncing around right now)... the dr set it up so I can go up to a psych hospital about an hour from here, for an assessment, they said I could come in any time this afternoon. I'm running on about 20 hours of no sleep right now, so called my sponsor, she's gonna take me. She said they probably won't give me any medication but it will speed up the process of seeing a doctor and getting on meds.... so I'm prayin for that. I'm not a threat to myself right now, so I won't let them hospitalize me, just can't do that, and for whatever reason have always had really bad fears of that. But I have the option to stay with my sponsor tonight if I need to at least, and I will if I feel like I'm not gonna sleep, cuz another night of no sleep is gonna make me so much worse. Sorry... really rambling... ugh... mind is trying to start racing again (or already is some)... but thanks y'all for the support, I'll keep y'all posted...
I do hope that you will get to the hospital this afternoon. I'm glad that you are seeking help outside of AA. I know a lot of people who do just that and it helps them enormously.
Just hang in there. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Take good care of yourself and keep us posted, won't you?
(((Hugs)))
Carol
__________________
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
