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Post Info TOPIC: Developing Healthy Tolerance


MIP Old Timer

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Developing Healthy Tolerance
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Many of us are skilled at denying and discounting what hurts us. We may endure a particular situation, telling ourselves repeatedly it's not that bad; we shouldn't be so demanding; it'll change any day; we should be able to live with it; it doesn't annoy us; the other person didn't really mean it; it doesn't hurt; maybe it's just us.

We may fight and argue with ourselves about the reality and validity of our pain - our right to feel it and do something about it.

Often we will tolerate too much or so much that we become furious and refuse to tolerate any more.

We can learn to develop healthy tolerance.

We do that by setting healthy boundaries and trusting ourselves to own our power with people. We can lessen our pain and suffering by validating and paying attention to ourselves. We can work at shortening the time between identifying a need to set a boundary, and taking clear, direct action.

We aren't crazy. Some behaviors really do bug us. Some behaviors really are inappropriate, annoying, hurtful, or abusive.

We don't have to feel guilty about taking care of ourselves once we identify a boundary that needs to be set. Look at the experience as an experiment in owning our power, in establishing new, healthy boundaries and limits for ourselves.

We don't have to feel guilty or apologize or explain ourselves after we've set a boundary. We can learn to accept the awkwardness and discomfort of setting boundaries with people. We can establish our rights to have these limits. We can give the other person room to have and explore his or her feelings; we can give ourselves room to have our feelings - as we struggle to own our power and create good, working relationships.

Once we can trust our ability to take care of ourselves, we will develop healthy reasonable tolerance of others.

God, help me begin striving for healthy boundaries and healthy tolerance for others and myself.

From The Language of Letting Go

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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss


Senior Member

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what really freaks me out about this stuff is first i set boundries with the most abusive people in my life, so they're gone. now it is a matter of small boundries, for example my friends downstairs, im not liking the one girl so much, she phoned last night to offer me some cherry pie and when i said thanks for offering but  i really dont like cherry pie and no thank you, she got quite uh un-nice. i dont get it. whats up with that?

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hope lives in"how it works"


MIP Old Timer

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Posts: 700
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On her part?

It wasnt about the cherry pie...

It was a rejection of her friendship offering..:)

Now.... phone er up.....tell her you made a mistake...

Take the cherry pie...

And Deliver it to Ontario..:)


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Live each day as if it were your last...because tomorrow? It might be.
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