The good news, I think I'm over the coffee mug crisis. I shared it with John yesterday and it was the one thing that he could relate to! He has his own 'mug story". His is about a car. Then, of course, he proceeded to tell me it's just a cup, yada, yada, yada.....Gotta love him!
My 17 yr old is out there somewhere. No one knows. He left his Dad's on Tuesday. No one's heard from him. He missed his counseling appt Wednesday. That's 3 weeks in a row (it's court ordered). He hasn't done one lick of 40 hrs of community service since August. 2 weeks ago he got jumped and landed in the ER. Walked out with 15 stitches in his face. So, of course my mind is racing with "what if's" (what if he's hurt again, what if he's dead! ). I just keep asking God to give him time. Time to get it together and want something more out of his life. Time to realize how blessed he is today. My sponsor says I can't help him, that it's going to take someone else. I pray that someone comes along soon. Before it really is too late. His probation officer is most definately going to take him back to court for not following thru. Judge told him, 'next time. Jail time!". Guess the kid's gotta learn the hard way....I plan to be here, sober, when he does...
AND, my mother called today! To find out how I am, you ask! NOPE! To tell me she got a new 2008 Honda CRX for Christmas! Hope that new ride makes her happy. Lord knows the Lincoln didn't, the 1/2m dollar house didn't, re-marrying my father after 16 yrs didn't! UGGGHHH!
NEXT>>>>>>>MRI results are in. TWO new protruding disks. One in the thoracic, one in the lumbar. Doc wants me to either do PT or pain management. No way am I letting anyone stick a needle in my back! And PT never helped the 3 previous times. It was a waste of time and money. Not sure what I'm going to do except try to make it till Dec. 25, then I'm on vacation for 10 days. Hoping after 8 months of this, 10 straight days of rest is going to help. But. If history repeats itself, I'm in for yet another surgery.
The good news, all of this junk has caused me to take a long hard look at myself and my life. and I REALLY took step one yesterday. I thought I already had. I know I'm an alcoholic and my life is unmanageable. I've said it a million times. All the while thinking somehow, someday I just might could drink like a normal person. It wasn't until yesterday that I actually FELT it. Make sense to anyone? I truely believe picking up a couple months ago was what I needed to get to where I am today. I always rode that pink cloud. Until it turned black, then instead of doing the work, I drank!
So. I've come to the conclusion that blessings come in all forms. Sometimes we have to look for them, but they're there!
Today, I can say with honesty in my heart, not just my head "I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic and my name is Jennifer".
Love, peace and ((hugs)) to you all.....as always, thanks for letting me share.
__________________
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
I can't start to imagine what you are going through right now. Please know that you're very much in my thoughts and prayers.
I know what you mean about really feeling step one. I had been going to meetings for about three or four months before I truly felt I had done step one, having picked up again earlier. I guess, for me, that was my moment of real acceptance. Life's been better since.
Take care,
Carol
__________________
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Hey Jenn, I just wanted to send you some hugs, and share my experiences with a couple of the things you mentioned.
I do so understand about your son. When my youngest was close to 15, I had all kinds of red flags going up. She was depressed, cutting on herself, climbing out her bedroom window in the middle of the night to drink/drug.
I turned to every resource available, SRS, the police, the mental health center here, she even spent a few days at an adolescent facility before they cut her loose.
I was pretty much told by everyone they couldn't intervene and truly help till she tried to kill herself or run away.
Well, run away she did, with a 24 year old predator.
The end result was she spent 17 months in the system, 2 of those in lockup, and the rest in a very good foster home.
She's 19 now, and still living with me. We both took good things away from the experience. I have also had to learn to let her suffer the consequences of her actions. She still has not completed her high school education, and because of that, just lost her 2nd (and better paying) job.
She just financed her first car for $3000 (when she still had two part-time jobs). First car payment and second insurance payment is due by the 10th of this month.
She can't get a decent full time job because she still hasn't finished the education.
The fire's under her butt, and she's just going to have to deal with it. I'm not bailing her out. If she loses the car, she loses the car.
As far as your back, I can completely empathize. I have spinal stenosis/sciatica, and early this year was diagnosed with two bulging discs in that same area.
PT was a temporary fix for me. I was referred on to a pain management specialist.
He recommends, and I heartily agree, that surgery is a last option.
I just had another set of caudal injections after 7 months from the first set. They do help me. Yes, it's uncomfortable and I intially have to deal with the injection to deaden the area. However, it's working for me.
Just thought I would share, and keeping you and your son in my prayers.
__________________
"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguements and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
~Herbert Spencer
Hi Doll, You are so in my thought and prayers. Im proud of you for facing your fears and working the program! You know you planted the seed and when your sons ready , he'll be just that...ready.... I guess theres a reason for everything. Lani
__________________
"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
I shared it with John yesterday and it was the one thing that he could relate to! He has his own 'mug story". His is about a car. Then, of course, he proceeded to tell me it's just a cup, yada, yada, yada.....Gotta love him!
AND, my mother called today! To find out how I am, you ask! NOPE! To tell me she got a new 2008 Honda CRX for Christmas! Hope that new ride makes her happy. Lord knows the Lincoln didn't, the 1/2m dollar house didn't, re-marrying my father after 16 yrs didn't! UGGGHHH! 
The good news, all of this junk has caused me to take a long hard look at myself and my life. and I REALLY took step one yesterday. I thought I already had. I know I'm an alcoholic and my life is unmanageable. I've said it a million times. All the while thinking somehow, someday I just might could drink like a normal person. It wasn't until yesterday that I actually FELT it. Make sense to anyone? I truely believe picking up a couple months ago was what I needed to get to where I am today. I always rode that pink cloud. Until it turned black, then instead of doing the work, I drank!