Man i feel like such an alkie right now (sober or not). Good news is my night sweats seem to finally be abating, and i can actually sleep for a few hours at a time without burning up...Night sweats are a sign of withdrawals i assume right? My luck i probly have lymphoma...
Anyways,
So ive been working on this settlement negotiation all last week and the first part of this week (was drunk all last week while doing it and committed malpractice about 10000000000 times but thats another story, prolly in my blog somewhere)... But finally got the deal done with no one the wiser to my indiscretions, and drafted the papers. The guy on the other side (a curbstone lawyer, meaning a nonlawyer who knows a bit about the law cause hes dealt with crap and consequently thinks he knows like 90123 times more than he actually does) insisted on adding a certain term to the agreement, which was a legally meaningless term, and i told him so. He bitched and bitched though and i said fine fine if it makes you feel better, ill add it, even though its totally meaningless in this context, and he said OK. I revised the agreement to incloude it, and faxed it to the othey guy, WITHOUT consulting my supervising attorney (big no no). I didnt want to cause i was like UGH..sup atty is a hardass, and who knows what he'll say, he may just not want to do it as a matter of course, and the other guy is a hardass too, and if i hafta go tell him the supe doesnt want to do it, he'll bitch and bitch...and i just dont feel like dealing with it. My solution??? I would just get the agreement signed on the last page, and swap out the first page for the revised first page before i take it down there to the other guy, and no one would be the wiser, the check would be banked, and the file would get closed. WELL, turns out that the agreement was to be signed ON EACH PAGE, meaning anyone looking at it would examine each page before signing, and since the extra term was glaringly obvious, there was no way to get away with sneaking it in. So i was thinkin of all sorts of convoluted ways I could get around this whole thing, at which point i took pause and thought:
WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL AM I DOING? I AM COMMITTING ETHICAL VIOLATIONS, AND RISKING MY JOB JUST BECAUSE I DONT FEEL LIKE DEALING WITH A TINY ISSUE BETWEEN TWO HARD ASSES (i.e. do my job as mediating attorney)... WHAT THE F***, TYPICAL ALKIE EASY WAY OUT MENTALITY.
So I just said F it, took the revised first page to the supervising attorney to sign and said 'oh yeah the guy wanted this term in there' and the supe looked at it for a sec and laughed and said 'ok sure letim have it this term doesn't mean crap anyway!' And signed it forthwith, without incident.
The point is WOW... This is a totally paradigmatic representation of my life, andmy drinking. Always looking for the easy way out, EVEN OF SOMETHING THAT IS TOTALLY SMALL AND INSIGNIFIGANT. Sorry for all the capital letters, but i seriously couldn't even beleive myself, after i took a second to think about it.
And yeah, i know im not exactly doing wonders for future client base here on the board, but MEH...
Just thought id share that little anectdote or whatever...
-- Edited by Zarathustra at 16:29, 2007-11-30
-- Edited by Zarathustra at 16:51, 2007-11-30
-- Edited by Zarathustra at 16:52, 2007-11-30
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The only thing worse than being sober is being drunk...
Keep up with my alleged 'progress' and general rantings, or just laugh at me, if you want: http://diaryofamadman11.blogspot.com
Enjoyed reading this, on top of having night sweats, and detoxing, well it sounds like you are right on schedule so to speak.
And even with some sobriety, I still wonder why I or we I guess, will sometimes makes things more complicated, think I will spend the rest of my life trying hard to understand that concept of Living Life on Life's Terms. Well, I take that back, I understand the concept completely, but doing a life on simple life's terms, on a day to day basis, that is another story. Someone wrote me a while ago, that she has a hard time with the status quo, still don't know exactly what she meant, but maybe the inherent dullness that you can find in any day when things are quiet and peaceful. have to shift through it, and realize that that peace is what I have been waiting for all day. And enjoy it.
Alcoholic minds, drinking or sober, will never be like others, that is my opinion.
and yes, I was laughing a little, at your story, but I was laughing with you, never at you. That never really happens.
Wishing you the best, and hoping that those night time sweats, are easing up.
I had an alkie attorney once who saved my butt. He was about 20 years sober at the time, and happened to be roomies in law school with the judge whose court I was in. God thing? Perhaps.
The crux of your post here I can certainly identify with.
A couple of weeks ago after almost 3 years sober I said F it. Never mind that the husband had been cheating on me, and i was on a strange medication for awhile to quit smoking, which made me nuts.... and i was not going to meetings and had become complacent with my program. That I said, "F it" was what got me drunk, and then high, and then back to square one.
I have 12 days sober now, and looking forward to moving on from this. I have to learn that there are things I can say "F it" to, and then there are things I can not let myself "F it" anymore, like meetings and action in the program.
Thanks for listening.
Joni
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~~"It's hard to be hateful when you're grateful."~~
Maybe that should read "never hire YOU as an attory" J/K
Seriously, the attorney who handled my divorce/custody was a Godsend way back then.....it wasn't until 12 years later I went to a speaker meeting and SHE was the speaker. She had 25 yrs worth of 24 hours! Not only is she a great attorney, she's also got excellent recovery.
It's all in what I desire to do with what I learn......I always thought I had integrity, until I walked through the doors of AA. It was there that I realized that although I was never bottom of the barrel scum (yet) my integrity wobbled quite a bit. In sobriety, I stand tall and solid. No longer do I have to be what I hated so much......
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
