For many of us, the issue is not whether we can trust another person again; it's whether we can trust our own judgment again.
"The last mistake I made almost cost me my sanity," said one recovering woman who married a sex addict. "I can't afford to make another mistake like that."
Many of us have trusted people, who went on to deceive, abuse, manipulate, or otherwise exploit us because we trusted them. We may have found these people charming, kind, and decent. There may have been a small voice that said, "No - something's wrong." Or we may have been comfortable with trusting that person and shocked when we found our instincts were wrong.
The issue may then reverberate through our life for years. Our trust in others may have been shaken, but our trust in ourselves may have been shattered worse.
How could something feel so right, flow so well, and be such a total mistake? We may wonder. How can I ever trust my selection process again, when it showed itself to be so faulty?
We may never have the answers. I believe I needed to make certain "mistakes" to learn critical lessons I'm not certain I would have otherwise learned. We cannot let our past interfere with our ability to trust ourselves. We cannot afford to function with fear.
If we are always making the wrong decision in business or in love, we may need to learn why we insist on defeating ourselves.
But most of us do improve. We learn. We grow from our mistakes. Slowly, in increments, our relationships improve. Our business choices improve. Our decisions about how to handle situations with friends or children improve. We benefit from our mistakes. We benefit from our past. And if we have made mistakes, we needed to make them in order to learn along the way.
Today, I will let go of my fears about trusting myself because I have made mistakes in the past. I understand that these fears only serve to impair my judgment today. I will give my past, even my mistakes, validity by accepting and being grateful for it all. I will strive to see what I've gained from my mistakes. I will try to look at all my good decisions too. I will keep a watchful eye for improvement, for overall progress, in my life.
From The Language of Letting Go
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Good morning!!! Cold day here in ohio!! Anyways, I have been praying about this and Im not quite sure how to handle it. Tried to talk with my sponser but she's been busy so who better to come to but you guys! This post really speaks to me today. Im in a situation regarding finances that is killing me! "We cannot let our past interfere with our ability to trust ourselves. We cannot afford to function with fear." Thats me! I have been struggling from the get go about some poor choices I made regarding money and I truly need to be honest with my husband about it. I wont go into great detail but you know those lovely "Loan" places we use when were in a pinch? At the time I was just doing what I thought was right. I told my husband about a few of them but judgment time is upon me. I totally had the chance to come clean many times, he knows something was up, but fear caused me not to tell the whole truth. My point is, I know I have to tell him the WHOLE truth and Im so afraid. Our relationship has blossomed so beautifully lately and weve been spending so much time together. Now, Im going to totally crush him with this news. Our finances are looking promising and hes been so excited that things are better than ever... I know this all sounds stupid but I honestly can say Im scared...Scared he wont ever trust me again especially since I point blank lied to his face!!! I know I have to be honest with him soon! Advise but especially prayers are welcomed!!! This is one of the things that the book says could cause me to drink (I wont) but not being on step four yet I really dont know how to handle it. Honesty is the best policy and all that right!!! Im babbling but Im sick to death of this deception. AUUUGGGHHHH!!! Thanks for letting me share my stuff! Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Hiya, Laurie x I used to think that it was drink that was all I had to deal with. When I got sober I realised (surprise!) that I wasn't perfect & that for the most prart 'I was my problem'. I've dropped some real clangers in sobriety & really shocked myself with some of the decisions I made. Mostly, indeed, driven by fear, compulsiveness & selfishness. Looking back, I believe these were mistakes I had to make in order to see what further were my symptoms. It's to be expected that you will still have 'fouled up' awfully even since getting sober but the difference now is that you will have some lucidity to admit your mistake & to deal with it now on a much more conscious level. Forgive yourself, take the courage to admit where you have been wrong & move on taking your husband with you. It's in this way that we learn & let go. It's not a mistake that you have to repeat & I'm sure your husband will understand & appreciate where you can make any amends. My best wishes, love, luck & prayers for you in this situation. Don't worry, Lani. I know you'll keep on doing the next right thing. Love in recovery, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Thanks Danielle, All this stuff above happened about a year ago and now its catching up on me. Actually, Im pretty impressed I havent done anything so stupid since getting sober!! Just learning how to deal with the wreakage of my past!! So, on the bright side, I am getting a little better! HA Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
