"Years of lining with an alcoholic is almost sure to make any wife or child neurotic. The entire family is, to some extent, ill." Let families realize, as they start their journey, that all will not be fair weather. AA BB, Ch.9
Before coming into AA I thought my drinking only affected me! That my home was intact otherwise. I have a *college education, I work for a worldwide top money making corporation, my house was clean, the yard was manicured, I cooked supper 5 nights a week, we ate out on weekends, took my son to whatever activity he was involved in at the time. I spent way too much to buy him what other kids had (designer clothes, shoes, toys, video games, dirtbikes, whatever). Shortly after becoming an AA member I knew, intellectually, (*see college educated above )....that my alcoholism had affected my son...Early in my program I accepted the fact that were I not an alcoholic I would have been more 'available' as a mother, would probably have said "no" more than I did, wouldn't have let him 'get away with so much shit' and would have taught him to accept and own up to his own wrongdoings..... It wasn't until yesterday during BB study that I realized what an IMPACT my drinking really has caused him.....The child is most definately is 'ill' - He makes bad choices, engages in life threatening activities and wants to blame everyone around him for his problems..and I've had a very hard time accepting his choices and behavior. I kept saying to myself "why is he misbehaving now? Doesn't he realize I'm in recovery!!!"
The insanity of this affliction can be overwhelming at times. But continueing on my journey of sobriety I know that I can not change what is done but I can make a new past. I can make new history, and new, sober, memories with my son. I can show him what 'doing the next right thing' looks like....
As some of you know, I had to kick him out of the house last week and have not heard from him ......He called me out of the blue Thanksgiving and wanted to spend the afternoon with me. So, I picked him up and we went to AA. What a spread those folks had laid out! So many were happy to see my boy again (it's been a while since he's been up there with me). We had a good time and then he informed me that he's made the decision to go into the Youth Challenge Program. He had the application and needed me to fill out my part. He can get his GED and learn a trade in this program. He also informed me that he's put his girlfriend of 3 yrs on hold because he needs to 'get his life together'.......Now, keep in mind, I haven't put much faith in his decision yet because that boy is very good at blowing sunshine up my ass - after all he learned how to get others to enable him at a very young age and he learned it from this alcoholic!!!
But, I'm working on it.....I continue to pray about it and for him....and I wanted to thank you all, so much, for your prayers for him.
Today, I am a grateful recovering alcoholic and I owe it all to God and to AA.
Thanks for letting me share........
(((Hugs)))
-- Edited by Doll at 07:31, 2007-11-24
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Thanks for your share. Can't say I did much better raising my sons as a future Alanoner. Spent way too much time watching my AH. Was there physically but wasn't there mentally for my sons. They grew up anyway and have made some bad choices. I take responsibility for my share. They have their whole life to change.
Hi Doll, What great news about your son. Its a start and hopefully he means business!!! Im so happy for you. Prayer is powerful!! Its great that he decided to do this and came to YOU with his desires!! Hooray! I think God is speaking to me the last few days regarding this subject of our children! I went to a meeting yesterday morning and resentments was the topic. Talk was mostly about people losing their kids and the long road to get them back. Physically and emotionally. At first I balked. Regretfully I didnt think it applied to me because I never had CSB called or was in danger of losing my kids to relatives, etc. Actually it mad me so sad to hear these things. Halfway thru I realized that even tho I did have my kids physically, the emotion turmoiil I put them thru has really scarred them.
The last two years their grades have suffered and as some know, my daughter got caught drinking at a school function. My nice little, straight A students had changed as a result of my (and spouses) behavior. I know when I wasnt drinking I had all the time in the world for them. We always went on vacations and did lots of fun family things. Next thing you know, were sitting on our deck day after day, drinking and spending all our time with neighbors and friends. Kids loved it in a way. They could do whatever they wanted! Today, Im thankful that this is weighing on my heart and as you said I can "make a new past!" Somewhere, way back when, the good seed was planted. I just need to start watering it again and hopefully, like you, show them the "right thing to do!" Thank you for sharing as always-opened this girls eyes!!! Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
)....that my alcoholism had affected my son...Early in my program I accepted the fact that were I not an alcoholic I would have been more 'available' as a mother, would probably have said "no" more than I did, wouldn't have let him 'get away with so much shit' and would have taught him to accept and own up to his own wrongdoings..... It wasn't until yesterday during BB study that I realized what an IMPACT my drinking really has caused him.....The child is most definately is 'ill' - He makes bad choices, engages in life threatening activities and wants to blame everyone around him for his problems..and I've had a very hard time accepting his choices and behavior. I kept saying to myself "why is he misbehaving now? Doesn't he realize I'm in recovery!!!" 