I know some people would probably tell me not to even worry about this right now, not till I get better.... but I'm still wanting to get my 5th step done, had finally "finished" my 4th step a couple of weeks ago... I'd been trying to reach a priest near here that listens to a lot of 5th steps, central office gave me his number. He finally called today, said he's just been really busy, asked if I wanted to get together with him to do it, and I told him I can't drive right now and can't do much, he said call him after my dr appt next week if I'm doing better by then.
Well, I've been getting to know this woman from one of the meetings I go to, have been thinking about asking her to be my sponsor (I have a temp sponsor but that's not working out too well)... I've thought about asking if she'll come out here and listen to my 5th... I really want to get it done, and I feel like right now I need to be continuing working on the steps and everything, especially since I can't get to meetings right now.
Just wondering if it'd be better to wait though, I've been having to put it off this long already and I'm so ready to get it over with. But lately most the time I'm a bit drugged out... I tend to have about 3 or 4 hours here and there that I'm more coherent, while waiting for more meds to kick in... then I sleep most the rest of the time. don't know if maybe I ought to wait till my head's a bit more clear... just really wanting to get it done and move on with the steps, and honestly a bit worried about *not* doing it and continuing to put it off, my thinking has been ok through all this, I'm trying to keep my spirits up, but I know the longer this goes on, the worse I'm going to be feeling, and think it'd be good having the 5th step out of the way... Any input and ES&H from y'all on that??
I'm doing somewhat better today, not hurting a whole lot. Woke up hurting this morning, took all my meds, and the pain has subsided except hurts a bit when I get up to do something. Only big problem I'm having today is after getting up, I lie back down and get a real bad dizzy spell but it doesn't last too long. I also get dizzy when rolling over from my side to my back, or my back to my side. I'm feeling something pulling in my back then and the dizziness starts with that. Trying to be real careful with how I move, but can't seem to keep from it pulling and making me dizzy.
Someone told me her dr had said it would help more to move around some and stay somewhat active with her herniated disk.... she thought it was odd they told me to stay in bed mostly... but thinking it's probably because I'm here alone, and have had too many times that I've nearly passed out when up moving around when the pain got to me too much... and that really wouldn't be good while here by myself.... so I'm still just taking it easy... sleeping a whole lot, tend to be awake about 3 or 4 hours with each dose of meds, then pass out again. Guess my body needs the sleep and rest to heal, but I hate being so drugged out.
Thanks everyone for being here for me through all this.... don't know what I'd do without y'all and my other friends I've been talking to.
Notwithstanding the great necessity for discussing ourselves with sombody, it may be one is so situated that there is no suitable person available. If that is so this step may be postponed ,.only ,however ,if we hold ourselves in complete readiness to go through with it at the first opportunity.
Lisa this is out of the Big Book AA page 74 .....good luck to you
Thanks Russell, yes, I knew it was ok to put it off if there was no one to do it with... that's the only reason it's been put off this long now. But am feeling comfortable enough with this woman I'm getting to know, that I think I would like to do my 5th with her... Mostly just not sure if I should do it while I'm dealing with all this stuff with my back, or if I should put it off... I guess I could get her opinion on it though, I'm calling her after a bit, she'll be off work in about an hour...
I guess, it's just I know the 5th is a really important step, to start letting go of the resentments and working towards forgiveness and getting rid of all of this baggage, that I guess I was worried maybe it's not such a good idea to do until my head is more clear... but also not wanting to put it off any longer either.
Honestly, I feel pretty coherent most the time, but then later realize I'm not always as clear-headed as I think I am because I am not remembering much, not remembering too well what I've said to people or what I've posted, am having to go back and reread posts sometimes lol
We do the best we can with what we have at the time. It sounds like this new lady just might be a God thing that is presenting itself to you now.
I can so relate to your back issues as I have an appt with my pain specialist the 13th of this month for more injections into my back.
There are days the pain really grates on my nerves, and I get frustrated that I can't do more for myself.
It's just within the last week I've found more acceptance with my physical disability and found some peace of mind.
I'll be keeping you in my prayers.
Remember to listen to that small voice inside that often guides us in the right direction. It's just hard to hear it sometimes over the 'noise' of life ((((hugs))))
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"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguements and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
~Herbert Spencer
I'm so glad that you are doing somewhat better today. But, take good care of yourself, won't you? It's so easy to overdo things and then suffer from it later.
When I had finished my step four, I 'phoned my sponsor and we did step five next day. She said that it really isn't a good idea to sit on it. I suggested the same to my sponsee when she had completed her step four.
But, it's your decision and you must do what you feel most comfortable with given how you are feeling right now with your health. Whatever you decide to do, I hope that it will go well for you. Please let us know, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
I called my sponsor today an scheduled some 5th step time with him. Ive been working on this inventory for a couple of months. Really the last month has been more less just organizing it and fine tuning it to cover everything. In your situation I might consider doing it twice. Once now because you are scared and feel compelled and once again later just to rubber stamp it. Id probably just go over it again with the same person once I was more clear headed because alot of times in 5th steps I think of other things I need to cop to while the discussion is happening and questions are being raised. I personally doubt it matters. If Im going to stay sober and I skimp on something then later on when I hit a fork in the road and its drink or recover time I usually just take another run through the steps anyway. I just may hit the fork sooner.
I did mine with a Priest and I swear that when I was done, I walked out the door and my feet didn't even touch the ground. It was surreal. This church rectory was out in the country and I rode my motorcycle there on cool spring evening. There was a lake right behind the rectory. I walked outside, strolled over to the lake, knelled down and prayed. I've never had the urge to drink since. I think that you are smart to get this done asap. Please be careful of your back. Blessings for speedy recovery.
