I am new to the forum and new to AA, I have been sober since May 21st and I attend a home group meeting and have a sponsor but I thought I might try a forum since I can't get to a meeting everyday because of my work. I am finding that staying emotionally sober is very difficult because by being sober I am starting to remember all the wrong and hurtful things i have done to my family and friends and that makes me want to drink to stop the pain. I am continuously asking my HP for strength and I have no problem with recognizing my HP but i guess i thought that the steps wld be a breeze and I cant seem to even begin to start Step 4; my sponsor tells me it takes people years, but being the "perfectionist" that I thought I was while drinking wanted to complete the steps quickly and efficiently. Anyway I am looking for some companionship in this forum and in reading the posts it looks like a good place to be, thanks that's all i got
Welcome to MIP Pam & well done with your 6months sobriety. It can be a really confusing time during our first months. I passed a year in Oct 07 & I'm still in the middle of Step4. I've done some with my Sponsor but gotta be more thorough I think & crack on with the sexualconduct too. I'm not long out of a history of relationships & getting to know myself in this new company (myself, my Higher Power & others in fellowship & friendship with exercising boundaries) I hope you enjoy posting here. Don't worry too much for the things that are coming filtering through now. Give yourself a break & know that you'll be in a much better position to make amends in sobriety 1Day@aTime. The right times will come. I hope you share with us often & let us know how it's going for you. Love in recovery, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Welcome to the board Pam. Take it easy on yourself. You can't change the past, but you are changing the present and there is no better way to make amends to those you care about then that. All we have is today, and we give it our best shot from the time our eyes open until they close and then we sleep well knowing that we did the best we could. Getting busy with your 4th and 5th steps is great idea (many people never do them) but don't dwell on the stuff, remember it, write it down and move on. It's not about remorse, it's about recognizing patterns of behavior so that we can make changes in the way we do business much the same way a business looks at it accounting to see what it's assets and liabilities are to of course increase the assets and reduce liabilities. If the company starts throwing shame and blame around, and shuts done for a year then the audit wasn't of any use. As the 12 & 12 puts it "don't throw the baby out with the bathwater". Keep that 4th step journal in a safe place! My wife found mine (she intentionally went looking for it), while I was working on it and I was having to work the 9th step PDQ.
There is no time limit on the steps, but I wanted to work them as quickly as I possibly could. For me, I knew that that would be the key to staying sober. I did my steps four and five with my sponsor when I was about eight or nine months sober and it made an enormous difference to my life and to the quality of my sobriety.
Try not to dwell on all of the things that you did when you were drinking; we have all done stuff that we regret. Try to focus on the positive things in your life now, like your sobriety.
Things really will start to get better.
Please keep posting and letting us know how things are going for you, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Hello Pam, welcome aboard. My sponsor got me to work immediatly on the steps. By six months in, Id completed them, and Im gratefull. The quicker we do them, the faster we feel better. The hardest part of step four is thinking about it. The more you think about it, the harder it gets. Go ahead and knock it out. You'll be surprised how easy it really was. Good luck.
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My warranty on tomorrow has run out. My guarantee on the past is void. Nothing is going my way... and I like it like that.
I have been advised by AAs with more time than I have, that the steps take as long as they take. Also, they are not something that you ever "get done with", because many are part of a daily regime, and many of us start over as we get through them, or do a fresh 4th step every year.
I've completed steps 4-7 once and the worry was WAY worse than the reality. Doing step 4 made me revisit dark places that I would rather leave undisturbed. However, sharing that stuff was very enlightening and liberating. Given where you seem to be, I would press ahead and get through these steps of confession and amends because in doing them you will be largely freed of the pain you are currently experiencing.
I wish you the best with this and am sorry that you are currently feeling pain - I have been there. Just remember, at some point "we will no longer wish to close the door on our past". I take comfort in knowing that my past shames can actually be used for GOOD, that is, in helping other alcoholics, like me.
