Meditation.

TLH · MIP Old Timer

Meditation.

Sobrietyspell · MIP Old Timer

Thanks for this, Toby. I've signed up & will make efforts to practice just 5mins a day to begin. I feel I'm ready now. Spiritual pursuits are coming together. Thanks for your timely post. Wishing you peace, Danielle :)

TLH · MIP Old Timer

Well hey there! How goes the battle?

I try to meditate 30 minutes morning and evening, but the a.m. session usually lasts about fifteen minutes before I feel like I'm going to be late to work and the p.m. session depends on whether I fall asleep first. Tough business, making time.

But when the job I'm on is over I'll hopefully be able to return to my lazy morning schedule that I usually have. This working for a living stuff really gets in the way of the important stuff!! weirdface

Phil · MIP Old Timer

Lot of good stuff there Bud...Hope all is well....

lani · MIP Old Timer

Hi all:
Thanks for the info. I read the first part on HOW to do it and where it said stop I did that as to not "colour my experience" So, my question is this, and its funny because I was just pondering what meditation actually is...I went to a beginners step meeting today. Its a four week session that walks you quickly thru the steps like they did in the old days. One thing I noted about the meditation part, was you should be done with a fourth step (and the other steps )etc so you start with a clean slate. Almost like you are closer to your HP after having done this. I havent quite got to 4 yet and wonder if this is a pre requisite for practicing meditation? Havent had a chance to ask any AA'ers this question yet so would like your input. I am going to try the exercise tonight and see what happens. I can only imagine how successful I will be as my mind just keeps going and going. Keep in mind, even though we go right thru the steps at the meeting, most of the people there hadnt done their homework yet with their sponser.(exp. 4th step) My says Im not ready yet.. But, it does walk you thru what to expect with each step as you go thru your journey. Any ideas? Will let you know how things go as Im curious! Thanks..Lani "the long winded one!!"

Sobrietyspell · MIP Old Timer

Aloha there, Toby! Going very well thankyou :) 1Day@aTime, my life is improving. The promises are coming true for me. Recovery is in progress & simply because little by little I am doing the next right thing & doing that suggested with my own mix of interpretation that is right & true for me. I was born with gifts & a capacity to understand but drinking got in the way of all that & I lost myself. After a year's sobriety, through AA, my way is clearing & things are becoming restored & then some. I'm going on a retreat in the beginning of December to build on what I've already worked for & will be deepening my experience with an approach from the early days as mentioned by Lani. I've started to write out my Step4 with a model I found online from a Minnesota Recovery site http://www.minnesotarecovery.info/literature/Step4.htm (You may find it useful too, Lani ;) Thanks for asking. I hope you are too. I'm ok today xx Danielle xx

Ps. I got my 1st email through & will practice said exercise tonight. Peace & good luck to you both smile

TLH · MIP Old Timer

Oh shoot I got a Pema Chodron CD set not too long ago and have finally gotten to disc three (I pretty much only listen while driving to and from work) and she has some tidbits to say about addiction and substance abuse. She alludes to having more insight and knowledge on the subject than she actually offers on the discs (thus far) and I have to wonder if she isn't also wired funny. ;)

Anyhow- the CD set is called "Bodhisattva Mind" and thus far it explains the core teachings of an ancient text--Shantiveda's THE WAY OF THE BODHISATTVA. She is a very normal and down to earth lady (and a buddhist nun) and the discs I've listened to thus far are in large part about right thinking and right speaking- not getting sucked into negativity and gossip and all that- and it's pretty interesting. I'd like to meet Pema Chodron someday.

TLH · MIP Old Timer

Oh shoot I found a big article by PEma on addiction:

http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/addictions.php

The teachings tell us that there is suffering.

There is dissatisfaction and frustration. Often nothing seems to go right. There really is a wound. But it is not necessary to scratch it. Working with addictions is about not just impulsively grabbing for something to stop the itching, not just grabbing for something to fill up the space, not giving in to this impulse to feel okay and just to get comfortable as soon as possible.

When we scratch the wound and give into our addictions we do not allow the wound to heal. But when we instead experience the raw quality of the itch or pain of the wound and do not scratch it, we actually allow the wound to heal. So not giving in to our addictions is about healing at a very basic level.

It is about truly nourishing ourselves.

The view that is presented in the Buddhist teachings is not one of becoming a better person, or finally getting it right, but is a view based on trusting what we already have, of starting and staying where we already are.

So with letting go of an addiction, the instruction is the same, it is instruction to get in touch with our basic nature, to get in touch with the basic energy of the moment in which we are all caught up. Addictions can be to anything: we can use this process with what we traditionally call addictions or we can use this working with so-called negative feelings of all kinds.

The moment in which we give in to our addictions is a moment in which we are all caught up in which there is tremendous karmic momentum to go forward in the same old way to scratch the wound. This can be a wound which really bothers us we can see the wound bleeding, we can see it getting worse and we will not stop scratching. We can actually even feel quite nauseated by what we are doing, but we just will not stop!

What allows us to stop is maitri, which in this case means a basic feeling that we do not have to be afraid of what we are feeling right now, that we do not have to look for alternatives, that we aren't ashamed of what we are feeling in this moment. We are scared of what we are feeling. Instead, we can just let our warmth toward the wound, or the warmth toward that instant of time just be there as the working basis.

Maitri is settling down with the situation without looking for alternatives.

Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche talks about three stages in this process. The first is the warmth or maitri, the second is dropping discursive thinking and opening and the third is communicating. When we drop the discursive thinking and open, or communicate, what that basically means is that we we contact the moment fully.

At each moment of time, we can just completely cut discursiveness and open to the moment as an act of total freedom. We can cut through the solidity of identity, can cut through the solidity of our sense of identity, can cut through the solidity of our sense of problem and can just let the problem go. We can cut through the strong sense of "I need this now," "I have to get something out of this," we can cut through that.

But in order to do this we have to develop a sense that it is safe to stay with the present and not look for alternatives, that it is completely safe and even useful not to look for alternatives. Another way of looking at this is to say that we have a sense of warmth for the uncomfortable energy of the present moment, for the raw quality of energy, regardless of how irritating it is. And instead of being ashamed of being all caught up, we begin to regard it as a valuable place to be in. So there is some work that we need to do in preparation.

But what is so liberating about this that it is not saying that we just have to laboriously work and work forever. Once we have developed the habit of trusting, we can just abruptly cut, and find freedom. So the basis is maitri that is the first moment. And the second moment is cutting discursive thoughts and opening like a flashbulb going off. And then communicating with what remains. When these moments become more continuous it is given a fancy name like samadhi or enlightenment.

And the most powerful time to do this is when we are all caught up.

There is a teaching, a very advanced teaching which people always perk up whan they hear which says, The more neurosis, the more wisdom. People like this because they know they have a lot of neurosis. But no one can really understand this at first hearing because it doesn't ever feel like "the more neurosis, the more wisdom." It actually feels like "the more neurosis, the more despair." But what I have found in working with this is that if you are all caught up and it occurs to you to just open, there is so much energy which is available to wake up there is so much more energy available at this time.

Often you feel that you cannot let go. But if you have the courage to just experiment with abruptly opening at this time, there is enormous ability to have the mind open completely because there is so much energy. Of course the energy is pregnant with wanting to close right back down into the discursiveness or the mood that you are in. But you do get "the most for your money," the most for your moment at this time when you are all caught up. You get the most for your instant you are propelled further than you would otherwise go on the energy which pushes you further. The hardest time to do this practice is also the most powerful time to do the practice.

The heavily addicted moment is the perfect time to do this since the intense energy of severe addictions can equally become the equally intense energy of wakefulness.

When you first begin working with this, particularly with severe addictions, you may find that you can delay acting for a while, but eventually you give in to your addiction. But that delay is also extremely valuable, as it become the seed for longer refraining and begins to develop our trust that it is possible. We start with delaying our addictive impulse for just a few seconds but eventually we have a longer and longer delay between the wish to scratch the wound and actually scratching the wound until finally we do not have to scratch at all. During that delay we begin to befriend the energies.

For heavy addictions it is often useful to have as the initial goal something that is achievable. Our initial goal might be to delay fulfilling the addiction for a short period of time and then gradually lengthen the delay. This delay becomes the wedge we can use to bring down the whole addiction.

Working with delay of running off out destructive pattern increases our trust and helps to develop the healthful pattern. Again, we start where we are and work slowly and patiently, without aggression for ourselves. This is maitri.

Then we just contact the moment with our sense perceptions. So instead of the sense of being all caught up in scratching the wound, we are able to let the discursiveness go. Out of a sense of warmth for the whole situation we are able to let the discursiveness go and then there is communication, this contact with our sense perceptions. In the Shambhala teachings they talk about contact with limitless ayatanas, limitless sense perceptions. What this means is that what was limited and becoming more and more miserable and introverted suddenly opens up and goes completely in the other direction.

There is the sense of everything going outward instead of everything being poisoned inward. Things open outward.

Rinpoche said to just abruptly cut discursiveness, open, and then disown. For instance, if you have a wonderful experience, just disown it. Even if nothing happens, just disown it. Then just go on. In another place Rinpoche says it is just like taking a photograph with a flashbulb. You just take one photo after another. There is a sense of just opening to the moment.

When you think of what you are doing here, you are completely cutting through the solidity of self-importance, the solidity of holding on in any way, completely cutting through the chain reaction of karma. It's pretty powerful, what you are doing here. The photographs are separate from each other; there is no ego glueing them together. This is what "disowning" means. The photos are there and taken but there is no one owning them. There are just these moments of warmth in which we communicate with feelings and are no longer identified with what we consider our poor, miserable, separate selves.

So specifically the process is: When you are frantically eating, smoking, grabbing for a valium or whatever it is and it occurs to you to try this, first you pause. The traditional teaching when we are all caught up is to bring to mind something which stops us, such as the face of our teacher or of someone who really loves us. But it could be anything that works for us.

For example:

1. Uneasy feelings come up and we say to ourselves something like: "I am not afraid of what is coming up. I have worked with feelings like this before. I can feel them. They are workable. They will teach me something. I know from experience I can trust this process." This is the first stage: maitri.
2. Then we let go of our words about it, for example, "just this one won't hurt me," "I have to have this now because... "and just be open to the space. It is as if the words were playing in a tiny little corner of the space or it's as if you are in an airplane looking down on them.
3. Then we communicate with the feelings that are left which are now wordless and move outward, as if the feelings weren't specifically ours but were shared with the whole human race. They are changed to a warmth for the whole human race. They are changed to a warmth and tenderness for the whole human condition. You are really feeling with all of humanity and your heart could melt from the intensity of the pain or longing.

The process can actually be quite fast, but we may have to artificially slow it down the first few times we do it.

What begins to happen as a result of practicing this way is a growing trust we can be brave enough to open and to stop scratching that wound. We trust that we can do it and we also see that sometimes we can't do it for very long, but we nevertheless begin to have a trust that it is possible. We begin to trust that we can connect with what is underneath the facade of protective devices, that we do not have to be afraid of that rawness, of that pain, of that wound.

And then we also begin to find that what we connect with underneath that facade or protective device is actually healing to to us, it is actually nourishing to us, it is not basically frightening. It is not a sense of annihilation, it is a sense of warmth and expansion and a sense of enormous freedom and spaciousness. It is a sense of coming home.

And most important there is a sense of enormous simplicity. Just simplicity. We make life complicated when it is actually simple. Based on our experience of working with this, we develop a real sense that we can evolve from being all caught up scratching our wounds, to a sense of the boundless nature, which is completely freeing and open and focused outward.

We can cut the karmic chain at any moment and just let go. We can cut through the solidity of identity, the solidity of the "problem," and just let it go. Rinpoche describes this by saying that "we can stop collecting dust on our woolly tails." We can stop collecting the dust of negative karma in our actions. The image is of just cutting through discursiveness and opening. In another place, Rinpoche says that this is as if someone punctures your tire Pop! or in this case, punctures your speech balloon. This is not exactly a gentle approach at this time, but is based on a gentle approach. It is a sudden glimpse which is also an experience of warmth at the same time.

In the course of working with this, our perception of ourself changes.

One person describes the change: he said that he used to think of himself as a confused person doing confused things, but now he regarded himself as a good person doing confused things. To him that was a big difference because underlying this was a change of allegiance and expectation from confusion to wisdom. The view is that the wisdom guide is inherent in each of us and that we can connect with that at any time and be completely free.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

TLH,

how do you expect me to read all that with my ADD? well maybe by the time it hits the bottom of the board. lol

TLH · MIP Old Timer

I bookmarked it and am going to read it later. One thing I wanted to point out is that when you take the word buddhist out of the buddhist teachings you still have some really neat stuff, for people of any faith (that's actually the same way I feel about most religious philosophies.) So I hope the word "buddhist" in there doesn't make people of other faiths uncomfortable with it. I am not actually a buddhist- or a Taoist. I'm an agnostic for certain. I've come to realze this over the course of my sobriety. I keep searching for my spirituality and keep finding that tend to like something from all of them. But in this- I'm way into the idea that meditation can help anyone of any faith- it's therapeutic and plus we (humans) rush around trying to stuff 25 hours worth of activities into a 16 hour day anyhow.

Also when they say "practice" they're actually saying "Sit/meditate". The most complicated thing I've ever tried to do is nothing.

There was a neat thing on disc three of that set where Pema talks about knowing that doing something harms you yet doing it anyhow. She put it into two voices- the teacher and the student- and the teacher is saying, "So you know that this hurts you tehn?" and she'd say, "Oh yes- I'm certain that it hurts me." and the teacher would say, "And you know that it affects more than you and more than the immediate result- that the damage is farther reaching than just the present?" and she'd answer, "Oh yeah- of course." and the teacher says, "Well then you know that the only thing you need to do is not do this thing and you wont be hurting yourself?" and she answers, "Oh ys that's exactly what would happen- of course." and the teacher says, "Then you wont be doing that anymore?" and Pema answers, "Oh yes- I'm going to be doing that again."

I so related to that exchange (which was much funnier on the CD- it loses a lot in my reccolection.) Knowing all of the answers about the addiction and substance abuse end of my problem yet still picking up again anyhow, fully realising that it was going to hurt me.

I think that's because my brain is stupid. That and because god thinks I'm fun to watch. weirdface

-- Edited by TLH at 02:27, 2007-10-30

Sobrietyspell · MIP Old Timer

I love this, Toby. Thanks for posting it. Very timely too. I had my Subud Opening this week & practiced my first Latihan (my link for a continuous, conscious contact with the Higher Power of my own understanding). Anyhoo, my very dear friend & now Subud Sister enscribed the following on the inside sleeve of the bookgift she gave me that night ~

"Don't look for help from someone other than yourself
The remedy for your wound is the wound itself" Rumi

Not exactly A.A. I know but while we're drawing on what I call universal principles & wisdom I thought I would add this as it seems to be an interesting & relevant part of my recovery at the moment. I maintain my primary purpose & explore further to enrich my experience of living. Thanks for your inputs & contribution. I have archived the above article for study (she says rather formally lol) Danielle x

TLH · MIP Old Timer

That's so funny- there is no coincidence. I was reading some out of the book, "Stumbling Toward Enlightenment" by GEri Larkin this morning and I made the observation that a lot of her stuff applies to alcoholism- whether you replace the far eastern language with recovery language or not.

Excerpt:

So we have the tools: the precepts, the paramitas, the eightfold path (immediately makes me think of the steps). As we stumble along with these goodies in our mental knapsack, can anything get in our way? Does anything? Short answer- everything gets in our way first. We're like these sensory craving addicts who are trying desperately to stay straigh but we keep tripping up, straying into our pasts, fast forwarding into our futures. We love, love, love our egos. And why not? They have been with us for as long as we can remember.

The thing is that some part of us knows that our ego lifehasn't been truly happy. There have been a few good moments, but how many orgasms can you have in one day really? So we start meditating, we stop;we sail, we stumble. We go back to drinking or we call an old lover. But now there is this little voice that knows better and wont leave us alone. So each time we go back to ego our visit is a little shorter. We go back to our practice (meditation/the steps) trip back onto the path, patiently and persistantly. BEcause if we can run a ten K race then we can sit and meditate for ten minutes (here I instantly think "If I had time to drink I certainly have time to work the steps, go to meetings, etc...") If we can meet deadlines, pay the bills, make the marriage proposal, keep the dog away from the neighbor's cat- then we can meditate ten minutes before bed.

Maybe not total coincidence- the more I read of her stuff, the more I suspect she's "one of us".

Sobrietyspell · MIP Old Timer

She's a human being. Some of us could cope some of us couldn't or got caught up in the ways we used to cope. Now I don't need to do those any more & I'm learning to cope & deal with my self & life in new ways. I settled down & managed my first 10mins meditation along with journal today. I will try before bed too. I really need to get to bed alot earlier regularly. Last night I was up until half3 & prob not asleep til past4 & fell asleep with the lamp on which is worse! I slept through my alarm & didn't make the noon meet I had planned. It's nice commanding & going along with my own time frame on my days off but I would like to be a little healthier in my sleep pattern so that I can do as I plan. I can then be careful in the things I plan to do as I stand the danger of actually doing them so I can be discerning & determining. This sounds very controlled/controlling & I know it's important to go with the flow too but I would like to develop my 'getting things done' skills as I have been quite a procrastinator. This is changing & I'm hoping a new discipline in meditation will have a knock on effect in improving this too. Thanks for listening anyway, Toby! Danielle :)

Why meditate?

Obstacles and antidotes