First, thanks for all the sharing in the posts I have read thus far. I have been lurking in the background for some time and registered today. The posts that I have read have been quite an eye opener for me. You see, I am wondering if AA is right for me. Let me say that I know for a fact that I am an alcoholic... that is not the question.
Some facts first: I am sober for 17 years this November 11th but am I really in recovery? I stopped drinking at a relatively young age of 26...but the drinking I did from the age of about 12 until 26 was most non-alcoholics live time of drinking... I used to say this with pride! At the time I first stopped drinking I attended a few AA meetings (court mandated) and counseling sessions but never worked the program.
Going up with an alcoholic father I have attended Al-Anon and Al-Ateen for years while still drinking. I have always believed in the programs... but for other people. And since I have been able to stay sober I figured I did not need AA.
So, here I am... 43 years old, 2 great kids, a loving and supportive wife, health... and I am not happy!? What gives? I am always on edge, major anxiety attacks, insecure, short tempered to my kids who I love very much and basically unhappy.... and getting worse as I get older... when in fact everything really is wonderful in my life Dry drunk, maybe? A little mental, most likely. Does this make sense to any one? Am I crazy???!!!
So, I guess my question is more looking for your thoughts? Could AA help me and if so, how do I start? I know, attend a meeting of course... but should I just start shopping around? Is a sponsor needed if drinking is not the issue.
Many thanks in advance for any help you can give me.
Welcome to MIP. I do hope that you'll stay around.
AA can certainly help you. It has helped me and millions of others so much. For this alcoholic it isn't just about putting the bottle down, it's about living life on life's terms and I need help with that. I really do hope that you'll give AA a chance.
Please let us know how it goes for you, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
The topic in my meeting yesterday was "living sober". A man shared that he'd not had a drink in 14 yrs. The first 11 he did it on his own. No AA. But that he was still a miserable person. He lost his wife, his grown children wanted nothing to do with him and he struggled at his job. He came to AA 3 yrs ago, got a sponsor and started working the 12 Steps. 2 yrs ago he and his wife and children began to work things out. As of yesterday his family is now intact and he has climbed the ladder at his job to an executive position. He went on to say the only regret he has is not coming to AA sooner.... All of this proves to me, once again, that my own drinking really is just a sympton of my own spiritual maladies.
Living sober and being dry are totally different.
So........Nope! You're not crazy.
(((hugs)))) and prayers.
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Hello and Good Morning, Thanks for the replies and advice... it is greatly appreciated. You know, as educated as I thought I have been about my alcoholism, it is amazing that I have not thought about this before. Here I thought that the stress of fatherhood, husband, worker and life in general as just too much for me and it would get better once XXX happened. But in waiting for XXX I see my children growing up before me and I feel like I am missing so much.
Today I will look for meetings in my area... there are no shortages of course. I will keep you all posted.
Joseph, You are human, experiencing alot of the emotions that we all go through. I can safely say this because mine is from the view point of an ALANONER. I could "see" alot of the damage alcohol was doing to my husband ----physically as well as emotionally. He had always drank, however, when we found ourselves faced in a financial dilema it increased as did the physical/emotional problems. As that increased so did attitudes......and the battles about the consumption ever increased. To make a long story short got himself a mistress ....... who bought him a tavern though it is under her name and he upped and left. I was a MESS! I wanted our marriage to work and as well wanted to know how that could best be accomplished. My one and only experience with ALANON left me bewildered, as all I heard was ALOT of bitching and bemoaning. While there are probably groups out there a little more compassionate, I chose to go at this from a different angle and investigated AA and the perspective from those who abused drink. So to answer your question, one doesn't have to be alcoholic to be helped by AA. I sat in silence for a very long time, studying and meditating on what was being said. (This was begun before he left.) There has come change within ME. Outwardly there are changes as well. I was left with virtually little....... after a bankruptcy and "thought" I would never be able to survive on my own. There were still the children, in their teens, to care for. Then cancer struck putting me myself back into some debt that at the time I thought was Mt. Everest. Yet I never gave up hope and kept concentrating on the 12 steps. The program has given me more than I ever imagined. AH still drinks, still lives with his mistress and has went through 2 major surgeries, one of which came on the heels of a heart attack. And I view him very differently....... He is only civil when there have been encounters when our children are present. The last was one of which, he threw some out right fabricated accusations at me. It sent me spinning in tears and suddenly I started laughing. What he will think, he will whether it is truth or not. I control only ME, MYSELF, MY ACTIONS, MY WORDS ......first and foremost.....and if keeping check on myself....all else has been found to follow. That is not to say that life doesn't present it's daily challenges. Yet by the wisdom of the program most are coped/dealt with in a much better manner. So with all this said, yes, you can very much benefit. Best wishes, learning/wanda
Congrats on 17 years first of all, and not many could've of done that on their own. Your sobriety has served well. Sounds like it just needs some tweaking. We're about the same age, same amount of sobriety, length of marriage, except my only son is a Jr. in college so I can't speak to having a couple young ones running around the house. LOL I more or less am still getting adjusted to "empty nest" syndrome lol. It's actually been tougher than I thought because I really miss my son and he doesn't call as often as I'd like.
Both of my parents were alcoholics, divorced etc... I also was a preteen alcoholic and started doing drugs at age 13. I was very fortunate that my mother got sober when I was 16 and made me painfully aware of AA, however I never went to alateen. They probably would've thrown me out for being drunk. I was also fortunate that the AA club, that I got sober in, had Coda and ACOA meetings there as well. After I got 6 months sober and completed my AA 4th and 5th steps, I began attending those other 12th step fellowships which were very beneficial to me in dealing with my relationship and parental issues respectively. And I believe if it hadn't been for them (and AA), that I wouldn't have been up to the task of being a good father and husband and I can say that I am very content with my life's past, present, and future (read happy).
Of course all 12 step programs use AA's 12 steps, and working them in AA (and/or the other groups) would benefit you greatly. AA literature is full of tools "to live life on life's terms" with, and there are of course many AAs in successful marriages raising kids and that are happy, but I believe that these other programs (if you're qualified for them) overlap and can increase your tools for day to day dealing with relationships of all kinds. And if you think about it, almost all of our problems are of the relationship kind. Most importantly, the relationship with ourselves and our Higher Power.
I am impressed with your honesty and your amazing sense of self awareness.
I'm also new to this group. I'm a long-time alcoholic and except for some counseling last year after the death of both my parents (from the disease), I have never sought help.
I went to my first AA meeting last Tuesday and it was great. I went to four meetings last week and one gentlemen who shared said that the years he spent as a dry drunk was almost worse than the years he spent drinking. AA helped him with that.
Welcome to MIP, Joseph. Thanks for meeting with us & sharing where you are. I can certainly recommend a looking into A.A. It comes gradually but it is helping me to understand myself & how I can get in the way of my own happiness sometimes. Since coming into A.A. it has taught me how to be a better family member & be kinder with myself. Besides essentially being a 'good' person, I have suffered with negative thinking over the years through fear and self-centredness. The depression I had lifted after my mild detoxing but I still had to work on me & learn how to live each day to the best of my ability. This has come through developing my faith, which was dwindling, and coming to know a fantastic bunch of people who struggle with the same issues as me. Sometimes different problems but the main challenge of living well & with good qualities. For me, the fellowship as well as the Program renews my hope daily & helps to keep me busy & focused too. I've really had to immerse myself in the last year but the hard work is beginning to pay off & my life is much better than it ever has been & I'm looking forward to the future 1Day@aTime. It seems to me you have worked hard to have the things you have today already & you're looking for something to fulfill you & what you have in a deeper way so that you can enjoy yourself & your life more. A.A. will help with this in abundance. I think you have a lot to offer too. I hope coming to A.A. fulfills you in all the ways you'd like. It's hard work looking & learning about ourselves, but the wages are good ;) Nice to meet you, Danielle x
Ps. In agreement with Dean, Welcome to MIP Kriszti! Get yourself a new post for a thorough welcome! Thanks for being here, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
