I don'tknow what kind of Alcoholic you are, but when someone starts telling me what I should do instead of sharing what worked for them. My eyes glaze over and I get an annoying buzzing in my ears that kinda drowns out what they're saying. This condition dates back to my misspent youth when I thought I knew it all. I now know that I don't know shit but I still don't like being told how I shold do it. I think it's a character trait that many addicted people share. Once someone told me I shouldn't do drugs or drink I knew it was something I had to try. But if someone would have shared with me the tale of all the places drugs and alcohol took them that they would have rather not gone, the wasted years, lost relationships, money, jobs. Maybe I would have listened? Bob
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Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt, and
dance like no one is watching.
Yup, if I'm told not to do something, then I just have to do it! I have heard it mentioned in the rooms so many times, so I guess that it is a trait found in a lot of folk with addictions.
There was a woman who lived a few doors down the street from my parents when I was a kid growing up. In hushed tones I was told that she was an alcoholic and dying because of it. But, it didn't stop me wanting to find out what alcohol could do for me.
About five years ago, I was told that a lovely lady I knew was dying of liver failure because of her drinking. I had no idea that she had a drink problem. But, even though I knew I had a drink problem, it didn't stop me from drinking.
For this alcoholic, I wasn't going to listen to anybody. I just had to find out for myself and learn the hard way. I guess I figured that I was 'special' and it couldn't have the same effects and consequences for me.
Thanks for a great post.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
I agree with you on this one. It is almost like they are dictating to you. Talk to me not at me!!! I really love to hear stories that move me. I have a friend who was addicted to meth. I have never tried it because of the stories that she has told me. I was told that I should not drink and it never stoped me.
I sometimes forget, when someone asks for advice, they are most likely just like me. It ain't advice that I want when I ask, but validation. And, yeah, I tend to feel the massive iron door starting to slide closed, kinda muffling anything anyone says when they start telling me what I am doing wrong or what I should be doing right.
I try to remember when sharing with another alkie like me, that I always get more from hearing where someone else was, what they did, and what the results/repercussions were when they did it.
Hearing a good story always seems to keep my attention better than listening to a 'good' lecture.
I stand accused. (Geeze, that hurt to admit. LOL) Those last few years before AH left it was a trait that quickly developed. All I KNEW was that the eyes could see physical changes as well as emotional ones that were not benefitting him (or our marriage and family) I "zeroed in" and of course all the preaching in world made ME tone deaf to anything he had to say. I had forgotten all ....... mostly compassion. Boy did I fit into the chapter in the Big Book about wives, ect. It was like looking into a mirror and wasn't a very pretty picture. And that led me here........ "learning" and from no other than those who have battled the disease. How humbling is that? LOL And I am still "learning"........ With gratitude, Wanda
I have to agree..Dont tell me what to do. My husband, drunk or sober, has done that to me for ever!!! What works best for me too, is hearing other peoples stories! In the last couple days I have heard stories that scare the "s" out of me. Never one to compare or judge, I almost felt guilty thinking, Thank god I wasnt that bad! We all have our faults right. Anyways, for us older folk, Im 44, I am grateful in a way that I really only used, abused, alcohol. Young people, not always, are so into crack, etc. That always scared me. I did try pot, acid back in the day, but thankfully I didnt like it, so it wasnt an issue. So when hearing other peoples stories about living in the street(my brother did that) and doing whatever it took to get drugs, etc , it does scare the crap out of me. I could be there too! Theres always the YET. I think my biggest worry at this point is losing my children! I have heard so many stories about that. My sponser is in that boat. Oh my gosh, I would be crushed. We all have our issues! Anyways, gotta run, Lanu
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Ok, I'm poking my head in here, reluctantly LOL, hoping not to see my named called. Needless to say this did get my attention and I know that am fairly direct, but I will include more ES&H and less imperatives. I do remember being a newcomer and hearing what I didn't want to hear, but It's the stuff that I still hear. It's on board, thanks HP.
