It never ceases to amaze me how I hear what I need to hear when I hear it!
I've been in chronic pain for quite some time, as most of you know. Next test is a bone scan next week - woo hoo! Anyway, I haven't had much sleep lately, so got myself some Advil PM and Damn! the dream I had that I was drunk! I woke up in a panic and felt guilty for a few seconds until I realized it was just a dream. So, at my f2f yesterday a lady was sharing how miserable she is, everything from her husbands beer in the fridge to drinking dreams almost every night. As others shared their ES&H with her one said drinking/drunk dreams meant (to him) that his subconscience wants to stay sober just as much as his conscience does. Another shared that the panic and guilt of a drunk dream meant she's working a good program...... I'm not sure if mine was a result of the Advil PM (coincidence?) or real guilt of relapsing. Which got me to thinking about the first time I got sober, I had drinking/drunk dreams pretty regular but they didn't start until around 40-60 days of sobriety...... Not a huge deal, but I realized this is the first time I've heard anyone speak of these dreams in a f2f....
Just curious as to your intrepretation........
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
I still have DD occasionally but usually after noticing someone drunk, maybe on tv. I really think talking about war stories in meetings can program your sub conscience into play. for the last 10 years my DD have always been in the same format. I'm around drinking or drugs, I partake or contemplate it then my conscience says NO! We don't do that we're sober, then this insidious voice says "what sobriety? you've cheated dozens of times" and then my mind actually manufactures false memories of me slipping. Either that or I wake up in the dream (a dream within a dream) and the false memories of drinking and drugging during my sobriety are played. Sometimes after I really wake up, I'm confused for 5 minutes about it.
My sponsor used to say that those dreams are proof that my disease is alive and well after all these years, and that if I should ever choose to step of this ferry it will be into a very deep and dark pool. I used to hate the dreams, but now I embrace them as a wake up call to guard against complacency. As for meaning, I don't think so. We just store so much garbage up in our heads and it regurgitates out once and awhile.
I do think that you're right though about the program working. Otherwise there would be no significance to the dreams. I don't remember ever having drunk dreams before sobriety, but then again being a maintenance drinker, I was drunk in my dreams must of the time.
Very occasionally I have a drinking dream and I hate them. I always wake feeling utterly wretched that I have picked up again until I work out that it's only dream.
For me, when I have that sort of dream, and realize that it's only a dream, I feel amazing relief and appreciate my sobriety so much more.
Sometimes, when I am out of sorts with myself and I have a dream like that, it serves as a kick up the butt to get me back on track and working the program to the best of my ability. It hasn't failed yet!
I hope that the bone scan goes well for you next week. Please let us know how it goes, won't you? You're in my thoughts and prayers. Look after yourself.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Hiya Doll, I hope your physical health is causing you as little grief as possible. Good luck with the scan. Whilst knowing very little about your situation I hope your bones are doing the best of their work for you. My last drunk dream was an amazing turnabout. I dreamed I was back walking down the street just like the last time towards my last drunk. This time I remember making a very lucid decision to choose another way & I was suddenly on my path to sobriety. Like dreaming an amend to myself. Really sweet. My unconscious knows what I truly want & while I was drinking it was always, before, my secret dream & desire to live sober. So, dreams can come true. Good ones if I work for them. May the best of yours be promised too.
Pam, I'm sorry to hear you feel your beliefs are being challenged directly &/or indirectly. I believe adamantly in the adage as passed down from those before us of a Higher Power or God of our own understanding (pg229 4thEd) I take this to mean we are each entitled to our own view of what this means for us. I know this really helps me to come to self~empowering maturing convictions as to what that means for me & my sobriety. I simply take these superpersonal beliefs as a part of my identity & who I am. I don't speak of anybody else's Higher Power for them. I believe the word God can be interpreted in as many different ways as there are people & nobody has a monopoly on that. I also believe that when we share we share for ourselves (as ironic as that sounds!) As has been said before we can take what we want & leave the rest. In this light I believe each can express themselves as they feel. My sponsor told me that I can share as I feel & leave it at the table. It is upto others responsible for themselves, as we all are, to choose if they take it home with them. I love A.A.'s principles before personalities. I will also try to care as I share & have been looking out for anything in my posts that may seem disparaging to any other's beliefs, without getting too political, choosing to refrain from building on that. To me, God is a hugely subjective concept shared or otherwise. I am careful not to take anyone else's beliefs personally. If I do, I know through A.A. that I am the only one who can answer what that means in me. I carry & allude to no conventional God in my posts. There is an innocence & open~mindedness there that allows me to see my God as simply a force of nature & ironically this works in so many contexts, even in science. That's just for me. I know how dear my faith in this is & I wouldn't like to see you go over something I consider immaterial. Do we need to open this up in a new thread & allow for a further wishing well of tuppences? Sorry for any interruption, Doll. Thankyou for sharing your faith, Pam. I sense the love it's meant with, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
I sometimes forget how jarring drinking dreams can be. I rarely have them any more, but when I do they really throw me off. Especially the ones where in the middle of the dream, I realize I'm drinking a beer or smoking a joint, and hadn't meant to. I also have dreams where I'm not directly using, but realize that I have been lying about my sobriety, or that although I thought I was sober this whole time I really wasn't. I always take that as a warning of a realistic fear - that I can drink even if it's not in the front of my mind. Cunning, baffling, and powerful.
Even though the dreams feel bad, it's not a bad thing to happen. I've also had them when I'm really sick and taken Tylenol PM, I think in part because I have a healthy fear of Tylenol PM. There have been times that I've legitimately needed it but I also know how dangerous it can be. I'm about to have my first child, and I have no idea what it will be like. I'm writing a birthing plan, in part because I want everyone to know that I'm a recovering alcoholic and I want to avoid narcotics. That being said, who knows what may go wrong and what I may end up taking. I watched an old timer in sobriety get his leg amputated, and he went to meetings and laughed about people who said they would never take hard drugs. I have no idea what it must be like to be in chronic pain, but it seems that it would be easy to just want to turn to what we know best. I've thought about that when you have talked about your experiences and your pain. It's great that you are sharing that, and I want you to know that it has helped me think about the fact that people in sobriety face so many different experiences, and that hopefully I'll have a long sober life which means there's a good chance I'll face similar things down the road. My thoughts are with you!
I used to have those dreams a LOT when I first got sober.
Now, I still have one here and there, and it always seems to correlate with when I am under a great deal of stress.
I always feel a tremendous sense of shame and guilt, and for me, it's another reminder why I don't want to relapse regardless of what is going on in my life.
I'm dealing with chronic pain too, finally applied for disability, and that is a long frustrating process, which is part of the stress.
Personally I'm grateful for those dreams because they remind me just how bad it was.
-- Edited by TenderheartsKS at 10:34, 2007-10-18
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"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguements and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
~Herbert Spencer
