Learning to gently reveal who we are is how we open ourselves up to love and intimacy in our relationships.
Many of us have hidden under a protective shell, a casing that prevents others from seeing or hurting us. We do not want to be that vulnerable. We do not want to expose our thoughts, feelings, fears, weaknesses, and sometimes our strengths, to others.
We do not want others to see who we really are.
We may be afraid they might judge us, go away, or not like us. We may be uncertain that who we are is okay or exactly how we should reveal ourselves to others.
Being vulnerable can be frightening, especially if we have lived with people who abused, mistreated, manipulated, or did not appreciate us.
Little by little, we learn to take the risk of revealing ourselves. We disclose the real person within to others. We pick safe people, and we begin to disclose bits and pieces about ourselves.
Sometimes, out of fear, we may withhold, thinking that will help the relationship or will help others like us more. That is an illusion. Withholding who we are does not help the other person, the relationship, or us. Withholding is behavior that backfires. For true intimacy and closeness to exist, for us to love ourselves and be content in a relationship, we need to disclose who we are.
That does not mean we tell all to everyone at once. That can be a self-defeating behavior too. We can learn to trust ourselves, about who to tell, when to tell, where to tell, and how much to tell.
To trust that people will love and like us if we are exactly who we are is frightening. But it is the only way we can achieve what we want in relationships. To let go of our need to control others - their opinions, their feelings about us, or the course of the relationship - is the key.
Gently, like a flower, we can learn to open up. Like a flower, we will do that when the sun shines and there is warmth.
Today, I will begin to take the risk of disclosing who I am to someone with whom I feel safe. I will let go of some of my protective devices and risk being vulnerable - even though I may have been taught differently, even though I may have taught myself differently. I will disclose who I am in a way that reflects self-responsibility, self-love, directness, and honesty. God, help me let go of my fears about disclosing who I am to people. Help me accept who I am, and help me let go of my need to be who people want me to be.
From The Language of Letting Go
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Hi Carol: Once again, great share!! Got you message on where to get the book, thanks...Had to laugh b/c my husband, 3 months sober and perfect now, hee, hee...said "there's only two books you need to concentrate on now, big blue and striped" So I respond, work yours, I'll work mine...Easier said then done...Another story in the drama of my life!! Anyways, have a great day....My quote for the day.."God uses whatever it takes to get our attention and to get us in tune with him" Love that!!!Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Hiya Lani, nice to meet you. Read up on your posts to become better aquainted. Good luck in your new ventures. I'm in a similiar situation too & striving forward with my chin up & fellowship abound. Here's mine too x Thanks for this post, Carol. Theme for the moment is getting to grips with what 'Who I am' means & I guess since I'm always happening & always changing as well as staying the same, this means accepting & expressing myself all the time whilst being careful how I do so in a considerate manner. I ordered this book a while ago & it's just been delivered so I'm going to the bookstore tomorrow to fetch it. Thanks for all the tasters & the soon to come reminders ;) Thanks for welcoming me back online too. Lovely to feel a part of.. again! Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Hi danielle: Curious to know what your similar situation is...Carol is awesome and always seems to post the things I need to hear! Im a bit whiny today about my "situation"-No job, pressure from husband to get a job...Anyways, thanks for your post too! What a great site we stumbled upon! Welcome and have a blessed day! Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
