We got a new guy in my HG. He's been coming for a week now and almost every meeting he shares the fact that he 'doesn't understand' . He identifies with a lot of what's being said, but he's confused as to how the steps 'work' or how to work them. He said things like "I don't understand what inventory is, etc" He'll speak up and say these things atleast twice during every meeting and of course the ES&H starts. One gal, today, stated she struggles with Step 1, she's been journaling her Step 1, she knows she's an alkie, etc, etc, but.....one oldtimer shared when he got sober all he remembers hearing was "if you want what we have' and he said sure, cause he was living on the street and "we" had homes and cars. Another old timer chimed in to say he didn't get to choose a sponsor, he was given one! And so forth........So, a middle ager jumps in after many shares and states he doesn't get why this guy doesn't get it. He goes on with something to the effect of " Read the BB thru pg 164. Read the steps. Do the steps. Do them in order. The BB tells you exactly what to do. The BB doesn't say anything about writing out Step one...." and he really just proceeded to shoot down what everyone else was telling that helps them or how they work their program. The thing that really got me was when he said " you only have to do Steps 1, 2 & 3 ONCE". ......I realize our forefathers had enough ES&H to answer our questions even before we asked them. and I realize too that the BB is my instruction manual...And that AA is a simple program. But, if it were as easy as this guy made it sound, then wouldn't we all have stayed sober from our very first meeting. There would be no slips, lapses or relapses, from anyone, ever.... Now, I don't know about anyone but me but I have to take step one everyday, if I want to stay sober that day. I look at me in the mirror and say to myself "gal, you're powerless over alcohol and if you drink your life will become even more un-managable than it already is!" And since the steps all flow together then I guess I go on to 2 & 3.
Anyone else gotta do Step 1 daily or regularly? I know I can't be unique!
And if you have any suggestions on how I can help this guy, please share. It so happens I've known him for over 20 yrs but haven't seen him in probably 18!
-- Edited by Doll at 20:56, 2007-10-06
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Hey Jen! If I don't remind myself every day that "I'm Dan, and I'm an alcoholic.", I might make the mistake of one day thinking "Well........maybe I'm not really......" I don't want any more Booze Beatings, honey, so I figure for me at least, that AA and the steps are not a pill you take once and are cured. It is a maintenance program, and I have to take my "pills" every day!
If you want to do it right then you need to work it right. For me it was and still is the fact that I am POWERLESS over EVERYTHING in my LIFE. GOD controls everything and that pretty much sums it up.
If I don't ask for his "HELP" with things like a resentment I may have against someone or something. Then my Serenity goes all to heck. I am a mess in my head about things.
My SPonsor kept me on the bottom of 448 and 449- and the top paragraph of 450 for years.
If you look at Step One it starts on The Dr's Opinion correct. Then it runs it's course with the 12x12 and you must read the solution is on xxiv. Why we drink is on page xxvi at the bottom of the page. xxviii, the middle of the page tells us don't take anything that has alcohol in it. No binaca, no mouthwash, no food, cookies, brownies, you know!
I also have Manic-Depression so I have a double hitter and I am still BLESSED not to pick up a drink. xxix continues to talk to us all about the acceptance of what is written in the book. Read the last page about "PRAYER" if after you have been through these steps and you haven't had a radical transformation Spiritually I would be amazed.
Bill W. was hopeless and he GOT it! Remeber that we deal with ALcohol cunning, powerful, without help it is too much for us. But there is one who has all POWER that one is GOD may you find HIM NOW. Those words ring a bell?
Step 2 doesn't start until we come to WE AGNOSTICS.
ANyway I pray that you can work this out with your SPonsor.
Hi Jen, Being on the other side of this fence (not having a problem with alcohol) I can assure that does not make me flawless. I wouldn't be here if it were for alcohol directly effecting my personal life (AH/marriage). What stopped me in my tracks when all hell broke loose in the marriage and I began investigating alcoholism were the many things that I myself was "guilty of" (or rather my own flaws that I seemed to be powerless over. The more I read those twelve steps the more I had to honestly ask myself certain questions. In other words I was take inventory. It was always acknowledged that between the two of us (AH and myself) he had more patience. I never honestly gave that much thought until I ended up here. And of course.... right along with the anger came lots of lovely colorful language. Though my children were taught not to use four letter words.....they were getting "instruction" otherwise by bad example. I felt so betrayed by AH, that it didn't occur to me how my own behavior was/had grown out of control. Thus another look, another meditation, another read of the twelve steps. I had become "powerless" as it were in these areas. While it is "human" to feel anger allowing it to be "unchecked" seems to only lead to trouble. It is in a way parallel to the alcoholic's drinking habit. Starts with a "sip" and before one realizes it, it "sneaks up on you" and bites you back. I knew in my heart this was not the way. I wanted better as well as peace to return to my heart. So.......I began to work on those things....just as the alcoholic has to work on his/her sobriety. It wasn't easy.......yet I kept at it. With each day........I say, "okay God......." It is about a 45min drive to my job. Just enought time to say 5 decades of a Rosary. It is my inventory, meditation, reflection, and asking for help time. It wasn't an easy habit to develope either.....and some days it is hard to concentrate. Yet some how I know if I don't......I could so easily slip back to old ways. You know alot about motors, Jen. Perhaps if this gentleman can relate to the workings of an engine, he might understand. If one doesn't do the "routine" maintenance than the engine will begin to develope problems. Check fluid levels, make sure fluids are CHANGE at recommend intervals, check belts, hoses ect. Any worn or broken parts need to be CHANGED AND REPLACE WITH NEW. As Dan said, "MAINTENANCE". One doesn't not have to be alcoholic. We all need maintenance. Good luck, Wanda
I, too, have to do step 1 every day. If I don't fully accept that I am truly powerless over alcohol then I know that this alkie will pick up again. I wrote down my step 1 as my sponsor suggested it and I am so glad that I did. From time to time, I go back and read it and the horrors of my drinking days really come flooding back to me. It would be so easy to try to fool myself that it wasn't really that bad when it was!
Some of our old timers, here in UK, say that walking into an AA meeting is doing step 1, but I don't really agree with them. I know what they mean in that if I didn't feel that I was powerless over alcohol then I wouldn't be there, but for me step 1 is much more than that.
I do steps 2 and 3 on a daily basis and I know that I can re-visit them whenever I feel that I need to. But, after a little while of sobriety doing a thorough step 1 would be much more difficult for me as I needed to be close enough to it all to be able to do it properly.
I was lucky to have been given some pretty tough worksheets to work through they all helped me to really get into the step that I was working and to make me understand it more. I also used BB and 12x12.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
HI,Thanks for the message.For me step one is knowing and feeling deep deep inside your soul That your powerless over everything that helps me surender but not always straight away and easily.Cause my head can tell me differently.From kowhai.Sobriety is strength.
I don't think i 'do them' on a daily basis but i become them on a daily basis if that makes any sense. Simplist way i know is step1=surrender step 2= acceptance step 3 = willingness. That these are the 'coming to terms' steps. I remain abstinent because nothing can be built on shit.......strong foundations are essential before building anything.
Hmmm. My take on this... One can "do" step one a hundred times. But untill they "take" that step, actually understand and honestly realize powerlessness... they may keep picking up over and over... See, once you "completly give up" , once you surrender to it, why would you need to do that again? No, I dont take the steps every day, how ever, I do LIVE the steps every day. It's not a 5000 step program. It's a TWELVE step program. We have had a life changing phenomanon take place, due to a spiritual awakening brought about by these steps. Every day I remember Im powerless, dont get me wrong... and I take daily inventory, and so on.. I have to to. Thats living the way we are supposed to. But thats not redoing my twelve steps... Prolly in a few years I will want to take the steps again... as Im not perfect, there may be some future resentments, or memories that come back after time that were never adressed in my first journey through the steps. And I think that if some one doesnt understand that their life is screwed up and alcohol has them whipped (thats all the first step really is) if they dont get that... then it could just be that mabye they arent quite ready for step one yet... and might drink again soon. I think the best way you can help your friend is to get him hooked up with a good sponsor asap. Thats just the way I see things, but many folks see things many ways. If we didnt we'd all be the same, and think how boring THAT would be!
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My warranty on tomorrow has run out. My guarantee on the past is void. Nothing is going my way... and I like it like that.
Thanks, all, so much for sharing. All your replies just goes to prove we may all suffer from the same ailment, but the 'treatment' is different for each of us.....
I spent some time with this guy after the meeting, sharing what my life was like while drinking & what it's like now sober. I was honest with him on my recent slip. I felt he needed to know that just because we're in AA doesn't mean we're well and we don't still screw up. It was easy to start the conversation with him because my ex hubby had my 21st surprise birthday party at his house, which, of course, was surrounded by ALL the alcohol we could get our hands on back then.
I made sure he had a men's call list and I suggested he get a sponsor, I named a couple of the men who I (me) think have good quality sobriety - just to get him started.........Not sure if he'll follow thru, but he's in my prayers. He's a really nice guy and so much to be thankful for..........Please pray for him too?
((((hugs))))
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
if that makes any sense.