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Post Info TOPIC: How to be humble


MIP Old Timer

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How to be humble
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Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much
as your own unguarded thoughts.

Develop the mind of equilibrium.
You will always be getting praise and blame,
but do not let either affect the poise of the mind:
follow the calmness, the absence of pride.
Sutta Nipata

I have heard many and old timer say that they have to practice humility to stay away from the "stinkin thinkin" that can lead them straight back to the bottle.  I think some newcomers may be turned off at this idea, because they have a negative concept of the word "humility".  True humility does not mean being a doormat.  It means that you are not affected by praise or blame.  You are neither above anyone else in this world nor beneath them.  
 



-- Edited by Sick of being sick at 18:15, 2007-10-05

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MIP Old Timer

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"...you are not affected by praise or blame. You are neither above anyone else in this world nor beneath them."

All of it great Dan!! And still learning,...always will be. Thanks,...Tim

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MIP Old Timer

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It's all good, but I take exception to this part.

"It means that you are not affected by praise or blame."

Many of us brush off praise as if we don't deserve it due to our low self esteem. Here's a Coda characteristic

"I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts."

It's important to let praise (from others and yourself) warm your heart and soul and be grateful for the experience because gratitude equals happiness. Gratitude for who you are and what you've accomplished
is the avenue to self love. Without self love there can be no true happiness.

I know that this is not exactly where the original author was going with this but there is a difference between
healthy humility, and shameful humility. Most of us walk around with a lot of shame and it's the core of our addictions. There are entire books on this subject alone (John Bradshaw "Healing the shame that binds you" is one). IMO it's far better to walk around a little high on yourself than feeling like a piece of crap.

"not affected by blame" could be confused with shameless which can cause people to act with impunity.
A healthy sense of shame would include "I am human and I am going to make mistakes just like everyone else".

So this sentence "It means that you are not affected by praise or blame" to me means that you are going to become (or continue to be) feeling-less, like you're in a bubble. No thanks, I felt like that for decades while I numbed myself with drugs and alcohol. I think it's important to feel positive about life even when things don't go well, that' just an opportunity for you and your Higher Power to rise to the occasion.

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MIP Old Timer

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"Many of us brush off praise as if we don't deserve it due to our low self esteem."

Yup....still have a problem with that one...some days...

Allowed myself to be a doormat....in many instances...trying to be a people pleaser...

You guys have have a great day eh...

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MIP Old Timer

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"there is a difference between healthy humility, and shameful humility"
Well said Dean.
Thanks!

Hey Phil, I'm still dodging those turnip trucks, but once in a while one of them bigger suckers bounces of the load, and if I ain't paying attention enough to duck, it can create quite a lump on the noggin.biggrin


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MIP Old Timer

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Sick of being sick wrote:

"there is a difference between healthy humility, and shameful humility"
Well said Dean.
Thanks!



Thank John Bradshaw.

here's a preview

 http://books.google.com/books?id=TcagkSY6w3MC&dq=&pg=PP1&ots=6PymHXPF-t&sig=buIoZi_fBKvQr8fJwpoaxx0SqiE&prev=http://www.google.com/search%3Fclient%3Dfirefox-a%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla%253Aen-US%253Aofficial%26channel%3Ds%26hl%3Den%26q%3Djohn%2Bbradshaw%2Bhealing%2Bthe%2Bshame%2Bthat%2Bbinds%2Byou%26btnG%3DGoogle%2BSearch&sa=X&oi=print&ct=title#PPP1,M1

The image http://images.bestwebbuys.com/muze/books/62/9780932194862.jpg cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.



-- Edited by StPeteDean at 13:19, 2007-10-06

-- Edited by StPeteDean at 13:20, 2007-10-06

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MIP Old Timer

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Hey Dean, I don't believe the phrase "...not affected by praise or blame..." means anything like being a doormat. My interpretation of the quote is that you don't let either, praise or blame, go to your head.
As in getting a huge ego because you do thing correctly or very well. It's really the way that whatever one does should be; correct and to the best of one's ability. For that, you normally get an "Atta boy" or some kind of praise. Take the praise in stride as a compliment be thankful but humble about the fact that another has recognized the quality with which you do things.

The same with blame; you screw something up, stand up and admit it, take the fall for it but don't fall apart because it happened. Instead, look at it as a learning experience. Either something was incorrect with a method one used and that method needs correction so we don't repeat the error, or we out-and-out made a mistake, and we want to learn how not to repeat it.

Let's all take things in stride...Tim

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MIP Old Timer

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Tim your absolutely right, that's what the author Sutta Nipata meant by it when he said, "don't let either affect the poise of the mind.....". It was the summarized statement that I was commenting about, and for good reason.
Not to be contrary but to take the opportunity to share a relevant view. If it works for you take it, and if not leave it. It's all good.

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MIP Old Timer

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Thanks, SPD. I find your words wonderfully re~affirming & restoring. I have ordered that & some others by the same author. I love the truth he has found & look forward to using it in my own life. Thanks for the recovery, Danielle.


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MIP Old Timer

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Thanks Danielle,
JB's books are wonderful and he's definitely one of us. Let me know how you like them.

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