There are many paths to self-care with families. Some people choose to sever connections with family members for a period of time. Some people choose to stay connected with family members and learn different behaviors. Some disconnect for a time, and then return slowly on a different basis.
There is no one or perfect way to deal with members of our family in recovery. It is up to each of us to choose a path that suits us and our needs at each point in time.
The idea that is new to us in recovery is that we can choose. We can set the boundaries we need to set with family members. We can choose a path that works for us, without guilt and obligation or undue influence from any source, including recovery professionals.
Our goal is to detach in love with family members. Our goal is to be able to take care of ourselves, love ourselves, and live healthy lives despite what family members do or don't do. We decide what boundaries or decisions are necessary to do this.
It's okay to say no to our families when that is what we want. It's okay to say yes to our families if that feels right. It's okay to call time out and it's okay to go back as a different person.
God, help me choose the path that is right for me with family. Help me understand there is no right or wrong in this process. Help me strive for forgiveness and learn to detach with love, whenever possible. I understand that this never implies that I have to forfeit self-care and health for the good of the system.
From The Language of Letting Go
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
My first Sponsor saw what my family was like and what type of dysfunctional games they played with me and the others. SO she told me I had to cut them loose for the time that it took to do the steps. That was almost 1 year. My family was crazy, unsupportive, mean and nasty. I have always had them treat me like P--p and call me names as a child. Back then that is how it was. I couldn't take it anymore so I had to break away from them while I worked the program and did my Steps.
They dump all there problems on me or the other sister. It isn't fair or fun but they did it anyway. In the last 14 years they have changed because I have changed. I also worked another program called 12 steps to Spiritual freedom in Christ.
God has healed me, my family, and I am still waiting for my child. HE is out there drinking with problems with the court system. "I tried everything to rescue him" that which almost took our house.
SO anyway live and learn the hardway that's always been my motto. I am a slow learner but once I learn it is stuck in my head for life.
