The other night, while leaving a meeting hall which is located behind a mini mart, one of my wife's friends saw me and ask what I was doing at "that meeting". I replied that I have some personal issues that this group helps me with. She said that it was an AA meeting. I responded that yes, I knew that. That's why I'm here.
She left with a very astonished look on her face. A little while later my wife called me (we're seperated at present) and asked me why I told her. I said that I didn't volunteer the information, and she knew what the meeting hall is for. I'm not going to lie about being an alcoholic and in AA. More importantly, I'm in a recovery program that's working. I assured my wife that I'm not anouncing to the world that I'm an alcoholic or in recovery, but I'm not going to deny it either when questioned.
My wife said that her friend really made a big deal of it. I told her to tell her friend that I'm getting myself together, we're working through our problems, and everything is getting better. My wife is concerned that her friend would start telling others, though she asked her friend not to. I replied that if her friend does tell others and they ask about it, not to deny it. But rather be honest and say that we're working out our problems and trying to get thing right. Enough said.
For all the things I've done in my life, being honest about my soberity is no big deal to me. I'm not embarrassed about it, I can't change who I am, and I'm doing something about it. If others have a problem with it, it's their problem. I/we have enough to concern ourselves with. We don't need to concern ourselves with what others might think of us. Usually they are no better anyways.
I can understand my wife's point of view though. And, as I said to her, if your friend feels the need to gossip about us, she must not be the friend you think she is.
My old sponsor used to say "what others think of me is none of my business." But sometimes that's easier said than done, I suppose........I hope your wife gets a 'handle' on all of this really soon. Has she checked out AlAnon? My son goes to open meetings with me sometimes, he says it helps him to understand me!
Prayers going up for you all.....
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Most of the towns in North Dakota are so small, that there aren't many secrets. Such is the case where I live. There aren't too many people in town who don't pretty much know what is going on with everyone else. The place is also pretty much rife with petty gossip. Guess some folks can't (or won't) figure how to lift themselves up, so they find it easier to elevate themselves by putting everybody else down. I don't sweat who knows about my efforts in AA, cause they all knew back when I was in one of the 3 bars in town. Know what? The folks who's opinions I think are worth caring about, are people who are wise enough to know that AA is a good thing, and are not so incredibly small, petty and just plain ignorant that they think it is more delightful scandal to gossip about.
On my way to my first AA meeting, I bumped into a neighbor as I was waiting for my lift. She asked where I was going and it felt so good to be honest with her for the first time. She has been very supportive and hasn't told anybody else.
Almost one year ago, I told my two other neighbors and they have taken a very keen interest in my progress and in my sobriety. On Monday evening, on my way to one of my usual meetings, one of my neighbors said that she hoped I'd have a good meeting. It felt so very different from the days when I would have been sneaking out of the house, half-drunk, to buy some more alcohol having failed in my attempt not to drink for that day.
I'm careful who I tell as I live in a small village community, but it's part of what makes me me and who I am. I'm not that interested in what anybody else thinks about my attending AA meetings. I'm staying sober for me.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
When they are talking about me...they are leaving someone else alone :)
I used to look both ways to see if anyone was watching me go into the meetings..
Small town here also....
Walked in to a coffee shop..a while back...It was packed...
An AA guy, in the back corner..yells across the room "Hey Phil? You going to the AA meeting tonight?" The place turned completely silent...
I just replied "Yupper!! You comming?"
Most knew my actions when I drank...I'd rather they gossip about me being sober then drunk...
Had the answering service call a few days ago....to get in touch with someone reaching out for help...
I gave him a call....have known him for 20 years...He never had a clue that I was in AA.....the thing was.....it made him feel more comfortable..that he was not alone...and he has now... been sober a week...
I think that part of this "People around us...that wish to keep it hush hush" are in a bit of denial.....and "God help it" if people find out:) Thats natural....
Still a stigma for some to deal with...but a lot more open...then it used to be...
Back to work...Have a good day....
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Live each day as if it were your last...because tomorrow?
It might be.
Lol - I should think that the mileage a gossip will get out of my attending an AA meeting will be beans compared to tales of my drunken escapades! I would expect this to pretty much fizzle out.
For some reason, I get a kick out of thinking how this person might have reacted had you replied to her "that's an AA meeting" with shock and surprise, "It IS? Well no wonder..."
I will take defending my sober status ANY day, over what I used to be like.
