What else is sobriety but to feel vulnerable? Well, that's what I am feeling right now. Life is happening, and I'm showing up. I have had some amazing changes in my life in the last six months and they are wonderful. Still, I am feeling more feeble and afraid than normal (which I know, is to be expected). I see this as scary and all that, but also as a chance to feel the presence of God in a way that I haven't felt it in a while. Yes, I've said the third step prayer alot recently.
I may have said this on other posts, but it's good for me to write this again so that it stays real and gives me perspective. These are my life changes: 1. I moved in with my boyfriend, who lived 100 miles away in another city 2. I started a new job, leaving a job of 13 years behind 3. I got pregnant (the second week in my new city!) 4. I married my boyfriend (we had planned on it anyway, but not as soon) 5. I sold my house, which I had owned for over 12 years
Whew! I've been pretty good at taking things one day at a time, and so I haven't been too overwhelmed or anything. Being pregnant is huge for me - I have never really wanted to be pregnant. Much of that is because I've been with men who I wouldn't want to have a child with. I'm very fortunate to have a great partner who will be a great dad as well. But I had pretty much got to the point that I thought I wouldn't be a parent because I was getting old(er) - I'm 39 (and yay, I will still be 39 when the baby is born). So it's been an adjustment to think of my life in those terms, and not as a single, independent woman. And even as I write this, I can feel the baby kick and it makes me want to cry - it's an amazing feeling.
Well, it's been six months since all these changes happened, and it's all sinking in now. I have been trying to check in with my friends and sponsor to make sure I'm doing what I need to do and keeping my daily life rituals going. Still, I've been feeling a bit "off" recently. I don't even know how to describe it - somewhat like meloncholy, or something of the sort. I'm sure with time it will go away, but I'm just trying to stay in the moment and notice what is happening with me, and share it with others. There have been many times that I have ignored feelings and thoughts and it has come back to bite me. Feeling fear, confusion, vulnerability - all that stuff is normal with this much change, I know. So that's what is happening with me.
Someone once shared at a meeting that they woke up every morning and said to God, "suprize me." At night they simply said "enough."
congrats on the baby, wow! Well that is a lot of change in a short period of time. Any one of those would be stressful. When you say you feel "melancholy" does it feel like "what am I doing here?" ? If so then that's normal for a new live in relationship situation. I've felt it several times before. You're not going to automatically feel at home in this new environment. It's takes time. All of that stuff is "one day at a time" sounds corny I know but it's true. If you get caught up in projecting or expectations, the days will go by in a meaningless fashion and the feelings will follow. Just concentrate on making every day a great day and the future will take care of itself.
It gave me a lot of strength to read thru ur post. I am in my recovery stages, and ur post gives me the kick to move ahead.I am happy to know about the positive changes in ur life.Wish u all the best.
The feeling of vulnerability, that of melancholy are things I completely identify myself with. Those are passing stages and with years of abuse with our souls,we find it difficult to stick to consistent frame of mind.However I am sure things will improve with time.And look at urself...so many sweet things to look forward to
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The most practical, beautiful, workable philosophy won't work- if you won't.
welcome to the board. very nice first post by the way. If you get a chance, start a new thread to introduce yourself to get a proper welcoming to the board.
