Hey family. My sponsor has suggested I start writing stuff down/journaling. This was my favorite place to write. Kind of like home. I just went to this A.A. event in Chicago at the Pavillion. Thousands of people just like me and two truly wonderful speakers. Great experience. To hear the serenity prayer and the lords prayer among thousands is very powerful. I am still sober and still employed at the same job and still with the same girl. These are all good things. I can't tell you why but I feel like things aren't going right. I just don't feel grounded. I'm not grounded. It seems to me that I continue to stray from the path, come back, stray again, etc. I rely on my HP to help me. Life gets good. I forget where I came from, the life I lived, life gets worse. I've heard over and over that pain is the great motivator. I really don't like this stark fact! Why? 'Cause it's so true. Taking my will back = PAIN. Relying on God = Serenity. I'm just kind of floating between the two. Not a very happy place. My sponsor and I are meeting Tuesday. He wants to go over my list and have me start making some more amends. Aggggggghhhhhh. This I really don't want to do, yet I know it's what I need to do. The next right thing. Freeing myself of the self-inflicted wreckage in my past. All I know is that if I get more involved and start taking some action life will get tremendously better. Not just a little bit, but a ton. This is the way this program works in my life. Action and more action is almost always the answer.
Anyways, the whole reason I'm writing here is because I want to come back home to MIP. Be more involved. This board and you people have helped me along this path just as much as anyone else in the program. Another day sober is yet another victory. Take care all.
"I feel like things aren't going right. I just don't feel grounded. I'm not grounded. It seems to me that I continue to stray from the path, come back, stray again, etc. I rely on my HP to help me. Life gets good. I forget where I came from, the life I lived, life gets worse. I've heard over and over that pain is the great motivator. I really don't like this stark fact!! "
Howdy Bud...
Did you ever try to tell an alcoholic "Dont do it!!??" They will.:)
Did you ever try to tell an alcoholic "Go for it!! ?? They wont.:)
The easier ways of thinking or doing things...are the way we used to do them.....Its familiar...
Everything Ive learned through AA...has been the painful way....so "I wont forget, and do it again".....I still sometimes forget..and go through the pain of learning it again....till I get it right...
It all takes practice....and its an ongoing thing...
There have been times when Ive quit practicing...and tried to control things....and the shit hit the fan and was dispersed all over the place....
What youre going through is normal buddy.....and youre "human"
Great to see yu....
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Live each day as if it were your last...because tomorrow?
It might be.
Well, then Justin, welcome home!!! You've been missed, but knew that things were good and busy in your life.
Phil hit it on the head. I'm still addicted to doing things my way. I think I took "no pain no gain" way too literally.
It's all normal. There are still times, things are going along, and my brain starts trying to find the chaos it was used to. So I want to start tweaking with stuff rather than accepting that life is sometimes flowing its own way and is in Someone else's hands. Then I just gotta go back and refresh myself on some Steps. Remember how great you felt when you'd worked it out with your Brother? Sometimes those amends can be worth their weight in gold--much better than the weight they earn sitting on your shoulders.
I'm so glad you're back. Chris
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
I was very much like Chris and took no pain, no gain too far. It's still so easy for me to let my old alcoholic thinking back. That's when my days really aren't good.
I have days when I really have to work at handing everything over to God. But, that's when I go to more meetings and have more contact with my sponsor. One thing I do know is that when I try to use my will and not God's in my life, that's when things really go pear-shaped for this alkie.
Making amends can be painful, but, for me, it's much more painful not to make them.
Please keep posting and letting us know how things go for you, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Thanks everybody. My brain is kind of mush right now. Long day at work. Mondays always seem like an eternity at work. I will post more soon. Just wanted to say thanks for your responses. Kind of answered some questions in my head!
in my head!