Just wanted to elaborate on what I said earlier I need to emphasise that I have a problem with revealing my real self because I HAVE NO IDEA whom I am!!! Also if this relates to anyone ??I am scared of getting OLD I am 38 and as a woman I feel like a failure!!!!!! I just compare myself to everyone else then sort of 'confirm my own negative thoughts' I guess I am just stuck in a cyle of Negatve though. Any friends would be welcome. Jusat reaching out for help.
A very big Congratulations on 6 months. That is terrific.
You mentioned that you don't know who you are. I could so identify with that as I just didn't know who I was for a long time. When I was drinking, I would take character details that I really liked about somebody and start to copy those. In the end, I had no idea who I was and I felt so confused.
But, my sponsor told me it was OK to feel like that, because that was how she had felt, too. I have often it shared in the rooms that the person wore a mask to keep other people at a distance and to stop revealing who they really were. It makes so much sense to me.
I know lots of folk in AA who have a drug addiction but they prefer to stick to AA. But, I also know people who go to NA and don't go to AA. So, that has to be your choice. I would say go to wherever you most feel comfortable.
It took me quite a while at meetings to feel really comfortable and open up about how I was feeling. Like you, I was fine at 'talking the talk', but opening up wasn't something that I was any good at. It took me a little while to realize that nobody in the meetings was judging me and they wanted me to stay sober. Once I had made that leap, I was fine. You will be, too.
Please email me if you wish. My address is on my profile.
Just make sure that you look after yourself and please keep posting and letting us know how things are going for you, won't you? We're all here for you.
Take care,
Carol
P.S. Don't worry about getting old. I have a few years on you and life does keep getting better!!
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Trudi, you're in the right place. Getting sober is a process of finding our authentic selfs that got lost a long time ago under the cover of substances. You are not unique as hard as you try to be. It's all been played, read the big book.
Trudi, I pm'd you my email addy..........honey, you're not alone. I promise.....I have some days where I know exactly who I am, then the next, I wake up scratching my head. (read my last thread, you'll see - LOL) ...it's the nature of the illness.
Do you have a Big Book Of AA? It REALLY helped me with that struggle in the beginning of sobriety and on those head scratching days/
You are loved, girl!
-- Edited by Doll at 20:39, 2007-09-07
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Hi and welcome Trudi. Your among friends here, and there's a bunch of us. Id like to suggest that for right now, you put all that "trying to figure out who you are stuff" and "psycology stuff" and "wondering all about stuff stuff" ... out of the way. Just for now, dont worry about that stuff. Just start taking the twelve steps, with an experianced member, and let the other stuff become apparant as it will. And it will... thats a promise. Congrats on your six months, keep posting. :)
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My warranty on tomorrow has run out. My guarantee on the past is void. Nothing is going my way... and I like it like that.
Like you said in your earlier post. You're 6 months sober. It is going to take time, work, more time and more work. The alcohol demon, with such a short time in is still strong and a big influence. It wants you to feel bad. It wants you to have low self worth. I'm just another alkie like you. Folks held my hand when needed and told me hard truths also when needed. I would suggest get to the meetings, any and all of them you can. Just my 2cents. PS, I will pray for you.
Just go kicking and screaming...its not as scary as getting old and being actively addicted ...