I know I'm controlling, but so is my husband. Possibly more controlling than I am. Each time I set out to leave him, each time I started to walk away, he knew exactly what to say to pull me back in. And he knew I'd respond. He knew how to say exactly what I needed to hear to keep me where he wanted me. He knew what he was doing, and he knew what I would do. I know, because after we began recovering, he told me so. -- Anonymous
Some of us are so vulnerable to words.
A well timed "I love you." A chosen moment for "I'm sorry." An excuse delivered in the right tone of voice. A pat on the head. A dozen roses. A kiss. A greeting card. A few words that promise love that has yet to be delivered can spin us into denial. Sometimes, it can keep us denying that we are being lied to, mistreated, or abused.
There are those who deliberately set out to sway us, to control and manipulate us through cheap talk! They know, they fully understand our vulnerability to a few well-timed words! Break through your naivete. They know what they're doing. They understand their impact on us!
We do not have to give such power to words, even though the words may be just what we want and need to hear, even though they sound so good, even though the words seem to stop the pain.
Sooner or later, we will come to realize that if behavior doesn't match a person's words, we are allowing ourselves to be controlled, manipulated, and deceived. Sooner or later, we will come to realize that talk is cheap, unless the person's behavior matches it.
We can come to demand congruency in the behavior and the words of those around us. We can learn to not be manipulated, or swayed, by cheap talk.
We cannot control what others do, but we can choose our own behaviors and our own course of action. We do not have to let cheap, well-timed talk control us - even if the words we hear are exactly what we want to hear to stop our pain.
Today, I will let go of my vulnerability to words. God, help me trust myself to know the truth, even when I am being deceived. Help me cherish those relationships where there is congruity. Help me believe I deserve congruity and truth in the behavior and the words of those I care about.
__________________
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
This is something my wife and I have been learning(and still are).
As we are now seeing friends and aquaintences pass away (we're both over 50), we become more acutely aware of the need to communicate openly and truthfully with each other, before we don't have the time to do that anymore.
It has improved the quality of our lives immensly!
Please allow me to share something I learned in a university class on Human Resources Management this year. We were discussing how difficult it is to manage a group when everyone is walking on eggshells. Someone, no matter how tactful we are, is bound to take what we say as being offensive. The instructor shared that "meanings are in people, not in words." This made a lot of sense to me and put a new perspective on personal communications for me. Thank you for allowing me to share. Perhaps we will meet as we trudge the road to happy destiny... Mark DSM
__________________
Reason obeys itself and ignorance does what is DICTATED to it... Thomas Paine, Rights of Man
That's a step in right direction, but It all begins with a choice. We choose that person or we allow that person to choose us. If you have chosen poorly, thinking that you can modify that person's behavior, well that's not healthy (read insanity). You can't get blood for a stone, beat a dead horse or add your favorite futile cliche' here. You can set boundaries but no guarantee that will work out.
Be-ing that healthy person to begin with (which takes a lot of work), then choosing a healthy person (*hint* probably not the ones that you are overly attracted too!!!), and most importantly learning how to end a relationship early when the red flags pop up, before all of the emotional entanglement occurs. How's is that done? Being friends for a while, then dating for a while before having a more intimate relationship. If you ignore the red flags, don't cry just tell yourself "I knew that they were a snake when I picked them up". And move on
