Many of us have worked too hard to make relationships work; sometimes those relationships didn't have a chance because the other person was unavailable or refused to participate.
To compensate for the other person's unavailability, we worked too hard. We may have done all or most of the work. Doing all the work in a relationship is not loving, giving, or caring. It is self-defeating and relationship defeating. It creates the illusion of a relationship when in fact there may be no relationship. It enables the other person to be irresponsible for his or her share. Because that does not meet our needs, we ultimately feel victimized.
We can learn to participate a reasonable amount, and then let the relationship find it's own life. Are we doing all the calling? Are we doing all the initiating? Are we doing all the giving? Are we the one talking about feelings and striving for intimacy?
Are we doing all the waiting, the hoping, and the work?
We can let go. If the relationship is meant to be, it will be, and it will become what it is meant to be. We do not help that process by trying to control it. We do not help ourselves, the other person, or the relationship by trying to force it or by doing all the work.
Let it be. Wait and see. Stop worrying about making it happen. See what happens and strive to understand if that is what you want.
Today, I will stop doing all the work in my relationships. I will give myself and the other person the gift of requiring both people to participate. I do not have to do all the work; I need only do my share.
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Many of us have worked too hard to make relationships work; sometimes those relationships didn't have a chance because the other person was unavailable or refused to participate
Wow!! Been there...done that...rough road....
Fantastic post...
You have a nice day..in the UK....eh....
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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
Hi there! I wanted to thank you first of all for responding to my first post. You seem like you have alot of experience and wisdom, God love ya!! I had to laugh because I poured my soul out on here the other day and before I could post it my ? screen died. So, we bought a new one today and I'll probably drive everyone crazy with all my questions, concerns etc. Anyways, this is not really the topic I wanted to discuss but I can totally relate to it. Unfortunatley, Im the one who doesnt give, share, be honest or work hard to make things work. Ive been w/ my husband 22 years now and he is the most honest, straight forward, loving man I know. But on the other hand he is the bossiest, most controlling, righteous at times person I know. He's been in AA before for about 5 years and was out for about 5 yrs. Its funny because I didnt like him drunk, then I didnt like him sober. Now were both in and he has over a month and TADAAA, I have 10 days!! Yea! It a weird thing being in recovery together. On one hand its cool cause were both striving for something. On the other hand(everything w/ us seems to be but...) But he is working a perfect program, Im not... He knows all the answers, and I dont.. Im just not doing it right... I would love to be really truly giving in our relationship but something about him makes me fall short. Fear of being judged, fear of not saying the right thing, fear of not doing anything right. Mind you, we get along great alot of the times and have two great kids. But Im stiffled and sick of it to be honest. Reading back on what I wrote I know Im just plain crazy!!!! Im hoping that by working a good program I can find the courage to just be me. I always just keep my mouth shut when he goes on about things like shoes in the hall, washrags not rung out right,etc. I say the serenity prayer and try to hold my tongue even tho usually I tell him he needs to pick his battles. So honestlt , I could go on and on but wont. Just thought Id share a little bit about where I am, Thanks and God bless Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
