I grew up around major alcoholism and it was obvious because those people were at it all day and left a trail of destruction around them. I now am around someone who for some reason or other I can't make a decision about as to whether or not they are a true alcoholic. Maybe because it has been so hard to see the truth and accept it. I had a debate with another person in this family about this famiy member's drinking which I think is excessive. My other family member says that it is nothing to worry about as they "have built up a tolerance." I guess that I can't make a decision because they start exactly at 5 pm and they aren't drinking earlier in the day. Starting at 5 they pour their first hard drink and then continue on until 8 pm. I would guess that they have about 9 ounces of hard liquor a night. As I don't drink at all it seems very excessive to me. Their behavior has tended to be demeaning and negative and there is no chance that they will ever give up their booze. I don't think I can be around them much longer as I already went through all of this during my childhood when I couldn't get away from it and it is now triggering all kinds of bad memories. Is this person an alcoholic? I have never known them to go even a single evening without their booze and they have the same amount every night going through a large jug of hard liquor a week.
I can't say whether another person is an alcoholic or not. Only that person will know how they feel about alcohol.
For me, when I wasn't drinking I was certainly obsessing about it and planning my next drink. And, the next day, I would feel guilty about how much I had drunk. So, I would drink on that, and so my crazy roundabout went. In the end, I was drinking insane amounts of alcohol until I reached a level where I felt semi-comfortable with myself. But, it isn't like that anymore.
You mentioned that it is triggering bad memories for you and I am sorry about that. Have you considered trying Al-Anon? I know quite a lot of people who have found so much help and support for themselves that way.
Please keep posting and letting us know how things are going for you, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Starting at 5 they pour their first hard drink and then continue on until 8 pm. I would guess that they have about 9 ounces of hard liquor a night. Their behavior has tended to be demeaning and negative and there is no chance that they will ever give up their booze.
I don't think I can be around them much longer as I already went through all of this during my childhood when I couldn't get away from it and it is now triggering all kinds of bad memories. Is this person an alcoholic? I have never known them to go even a single evening without their booze and they have the same amount every night going through a large jug of hard liquor a week.
Hi Lilybee,
not supposed to do this, but I'm going to say they probably are. That person is displaying the drinking habits usually associated with a "maintenance drinker" Here's a diffenition of addiction (that is not from AA literature) "A pathological relationship (Love to do it/have to do it) to a mood altering substance or event that has life damaging consequences". The question is, is there damage occuring? I think you answered the question in bold above. Their drinking appears to be damaging the relationship between the two of you. You've sorta made up your mind that this is not a good situation for you. Perhaps you may want to follow thru, and remove yourself from, what you are discribing as an, abusive situation when it is safe to do so. Later when your in a comfortable spot you might want to learn more about why you found your way into that person's life after what you experienced as a child. I'll give you a hint. It may be because it's familiar to you. Take care of yourself
I can't call someone else an alcoholic but I can tell you that I lied to myself about my alcoholism for many years because i seldom drank before 5 never before noon never missed work because of drinking . I learned that its not about how much you drink its about what it does to you. I know thats not an answer but its the besat i can do take care
Bryan
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Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Romans 8:6 , The Message
Thank you to anyone who opens up and talks about their own experience with alcohol. I went through a couple bad times myself--I was not an alcoholic but just felt ashamed of myself as I had some alcohol for all the wrong reasons. After badly hurting my spine in a car accident I started drinking one glass of wine a day telling myself it was for my health. Then on occasion I went up to two. After a year of this I realized what I was doing and stopped drinking in one day and haven't had any since then. Alcoholism is on both sides of my family. I saw so many people drunk growing up I just expected that whoever I had a relationship would be the same to fit in--and they were. Fortunately I am with a teetotaller now. My brother took his life after he became a raging alcoholic. I didn't want to lose another relative because of alcohol but as we all know, that person needs to decide for themselves. I would like to go to Al-Anon as just when I think all the pain is gone something triggers the memories. thanks again.
I am a recovering alcoholic who grew up in an alcoholic home. I am over-vigilant about other people's drinking, in part because of my own disease and in part because it did hurt me very much growing up. I watched my mother go into a nursing home when she was 48, and die 4 years later with bedsores and gangrene in her toes from not moving. She was a bad addict/alcoholic.
That being said, my first response to what you wrote was: does it matter so much whether the person is an alcoholic, if YOU are feeling that bad about the situation? We really aren't supposed to say if others are alcoholic, but what I go by now is the fact that there are people I'm comfortable around and people I'm not - all to varying degrees. I try to stay away from the people I'm not comfortable around. I'm not sure if you were writing about a relative, a partner, a friend or someone else, but it is good that you are thinking of taking care of yourself. Al-anon is a great idea, and it's helped me as well.
