Getting Well Very deep, sometimes quite forgotten, damaging emotional conflicts persist below the level of consciousness. Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions.pp.79-80 Only through positive action can I remove the remains of guilt and shame brought on by alcohol. Throughtout my misadventures when I drank, my friends would say, "Why are you doing this? You're only hurting yourself." Little did I know how true were those words. Although I harmed others, some of my behavior caused grave wounds to my soul. Step eight provides me with a way of forgiving myself. I alleviate much of the hidden damage when I make my list of those I have hurt. In making amends, I free myself of burdens, thus contributing to my healing.
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You only live once; but if you work it right, once is enough. There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend.
After reading this several times last night and again tonight it rings several bells from yesterday How many times people said that I was hurting myself I couldn't handle the alcohol. Stop it! All the hospital visits from Overdosing on ALcohol. Who knew, I could O.D. on cocaine. Not alcohol, that is so far from the truth I was very very ill. I was being poisoned by alcohol my brain was turning to mush. I would wake up and have a bottle of tequilla next to my bed gone. If I was still coming down I would get more alcohol, cigarettes, and drink more until I came dowm enough to sleep. HORROR! It was complete HORROR!
These people every person men or women were also drinkers they didn't see what harm I was doing. The others that I hurt were myself, GOd, my child, relatives, parent's, boss, friends that I didn't have to many of. WHo could TRUST a LIAR a CHEAT and A THEIF.
Step 8 has brought me the peace that I had destroyed from GUILT, SHAME, REMOURSE. Getting Sober was genuine and the A.A. 12- Steps. In doing them the first time with a SPonsor that knows the Program of A.A. inside and out. I have done my 12-Steps several times but not for the same reasons.
I am sorry for a mistake and please Forgive me! these are words that rairly crossed my lips at all. I was a very arrogant, highly visible, highly rated woman that got what she wanted or walked until she did. I was never told or I didn't listen to the facts. I was all knowing, took no ones advice. We have something bigger than we are that is in control and it isn't little ole' me. Huh! Well, It is GOd! What a releif now I can get off Gods throne. Truthfully, Have you ever loooked at the real picture?
In Recovery all that can happen is we are "GETTING BETTER."
