A sober summer

Bryan39 · Senior Member

A sober summer

Wren · MIP Old Timer

Well, I somehow deleted my response. It's this laptop....

I had to work to find a balance. I needed those ninety in ninety, and then some. Eventually I realized one of the reasons I'd gotten sober was to be a part of the world and my family, so it took some work to find a happy medium. I just had to be cautious that I didnt go between extremes. What others think? I'm at those meeting for me, and for the newcomer who I may say the right thing at the right time to. I do not care what others think.

I also had to be careful, while balancing it all, that I didnt start believing that I could always do it on my own. I have an ego that tells me "you're doing fine with or without AA". Well, I was sober, yeah, but when I miss too many meetings, my thinking begins to sour, and I do lose that balance. It'll all work out. I'm glad to hear from you. Heavens yes, enjoy this time with your kids. Take 'em to a few AA family functions, or the Alano club if yu have access to one, let them see where Daddy goes. I did that with my kids to help em understand. Make sure you take care of yourself, so you can keep spending precious sober time with your kids. I'm glad you posted and let us know how you were doing. hugs, Chris

learning · MIP Old Timer

Hi Bryan,
Glad to hear you are finding the "true" joy of parenting and doing it sober. That is an
accomplishment.
Understand the "burnout", however, I've read that it takes somewhere around 30days
for a mind to clearly grasp a new idea....that's for a sober person. So to me it seems
quite understandable that the 90/90 for an alcoholic would be in order. Getting a mind used
to doing something a new way is hard enough and it is certain that alcohol only compounds
that therefore it would seem natural that to break the cycle of drinking it would take longer.
At any rate I applaud you for going to a meeting. You have kept the prayer, meditation
and such going in the interim. Another accomplishment and a beneficial one at that. Whether anyone believes you were sober that is THEIR business and you cannot control what
they think. What does matter is that you KNOW what is truth and what isn't. I had to work
really hard on that one with my AH. Was accused of many things.... as recently as a few
weeks ago that I KNOW were/are outright figaments of an alcoholic imagination....
At first like you, it bothered/hurt me. The last time.......it took only one Lord's Prayer
almost as soon as the phone conversation ended. I was in tears and suddenly they stopped!!! I could not explain it other than HP/God was watching/listening to me.
All I could do was repeat "thank you , thank you, thank you." And I fell to sleep with a smile
on my face. Such things in time will become sooooo much easier to cope with. You are
still in a degree of newness to the program.....so be patient with yourself in this area of
coping. It will come.
Part of the program is yes, making amends. And you are doing that spending time with
your children. I think that is wonderful.
Like Chris it can be of tremendous value to find ways to include them in your journey
and showing them how you have accomplished what you have. Sort of the best of both.
Going back to meetings will help to keep you on the path. We can get so caught up
in one thing that we simply forget there are others to tend to......and at times that can
be detrimental.
For the most part though from your post I think you got it! Wishing you well and congrats. on 4-1/2 mos! Wanda

wantneeda · MIP Old Timer

hi Bryan,

Congrats on your sobriety!! The strength and courage it takes to stay sober 4 1/2 months is a miracle. you are a miracle :)

i learned that what others think of me is none of my business,what matters is how I think of me.

I too did lots of meetings those first 90 days...i was averaging 2 a day. I am grateful today...it got me to where i am . I read a good quote ... I can't base todays sobriety on yesterdays recovery. Its about what i do for my recovery today.

Then i slowed down on meetings..honestly it affected me. When i talked in meetings about balance a longtimer said...Wendy...we are not balanced...quit searchin for it and deal with whats in front of you...one step at a time.

As soon as I upped meetings again i found MORE peace. Today i am 7 months and some days sober. Thanks to staying in recovery my youngest daughter moved in with me 2 weeks ago. I work 3 jobs and have managed to still go to meetings 5-6 times a week. I did a stint in relapse for a year, after 14 months of sobriety. The first thing i did?? I quit going to meetings. For me Bryan, everything i put before my recovery i lose. I have proven it to myself. And do I need to go to that many meetings a week? probably not, I want to. It is after all..only an hour out of my day. We have daily reprieve from this disease. It is a WE program. I can't do it alone, the great thing is we don't have to.
Now, I am not saying that is whats going to happen to you... i'm just sharing my experience.
Don't forget the Big Book.Do you have a sponsor? Do you have lots of phone numbers?

And just another thought...there are also meetings online. Not that they should take the place of face to face meetings. They do help.

For me Bryan, as soon as i hear myself say i don't need meetings I know that is my addiction speaking, I give it a flick off of my shoulder.

I wish you continued sobriety, one day at a time. Glad you are here with us.

Wendy

TenderheartsKS · Senior Member

I totally agree with Wren in establishing some balance.

For me, even after all these years, I can still get into old thinking patterns, and it's usually gradual, to where I don't even see it.

We only have 3 meetings a week here, used to have 4 till the one group dissolved.

For me, I still need to attend at least one meeting a week to keep myself in line. I figure 1 hour out of 7 days worth of 24 hours a day is very reasonable.

It IS entirely too easy for me to become complacent and 'think' I can do it on my own.