Well, I moved out, left my boyfriend... found out yesterday he was cheating on me this whole time when supposedly we were in a relationship, even just a couple of weeks ago he was bringing up marriage and kids and stuff like that, tryin to say all the right things I guess... yeah, well, not just one woman on the side... the one I wondered about, this woman in Lincoln that he met up with, there was something going on with her, but then I found out our friend that has a farm, that he's been helping her with the landscaping and stuff, there's something with them too.
Yeah, I shouldn't have, but I read some of his email, saw the emails from this woman in Lincoln, got pissed off, headed to my sponsor's house in a town near here, my other sponsor came over there too, we talked and we all bitched, and eventually I calmed down a bit, called our friend in Omaha asking if I could come stay the night, I didn't want to talk to her about it till I got here... and my dog was able to come here with me. So I went back to the farm, got my dog, packed up enough clothes to get through the rest of the week at least... bf was there when I got there, and it turned into a bit of a fight...
According to him, it's all in my head, he says he never told me he was in love with me, that there wasn't any commitment. I brought up that when I moved here, he told me things with his lover stopped and wouldn't be a problem... he said he never told me it stopped, just said it wouldn't be a problem... I'm like um, maybe not a problem for you but that's a problem for me... ugh... I walked out, got here to my friend's, she dated him last year actually and they're still friends, but she knew what he was like.
She told me he kept insisting nothing was going on with me and him. Oh, and told her it was all in my head, some fantasy, just like he told me the emails I found from that woman - it was all in her head, fantasies... She said when they were dating, she caught him with the friend with the farm, and that there was another woman then too. She's still friends with him, but doesn't really trust him. We've been having a man-bashing session since last night lol
Believe it or not, I'm really ok. I'm pissed, I'm hurt, I'm upset, but I'm ok.
Been talking to my sponsors a lot, and learning my way around Omaha now... gotta figure out what I'm doing next, I had a friend offer me a place to stay when I was thinking about leaving before... I'm trying to get a hold of her, hopefully she'll be at our homegroup tomorrow night... but I can stay here for a bit at least.
My dad's sending me a bit of money to take care of some bills... bf wouldn't help me get the medicaid application filled out (has to be filled out about all members of the household), so I've got dr bills that won't be covered, and I gotta register my car still... so Dad agreed to send some money to help me till I get settled, as long as I'm actually working toward getting on my feet, said he won't keep sending money. I didn't want to ask for any money, I haven't asked him for money since before I married my ex. But, my sponsors pointed out it's about my only option right now.
Yeah, I'm upset and hurting, but... everything's gonna work out, God's gonna take care of me, and He's got a plan for me... surprisingly I'm ok, my sponsors say I'm doing really good actually, I dunno, I didn't sleep last night though, so I'm tired and need to get some sleep soon, but really, I'm alright. When I talked to exbf online today for a bit (I had to give him my new phone number in case he had to reach me), he said something about how I just make decisions for myself... I'm like yeah, and it's about time I did.
Lisa, I'm glad that you are doing "okay". You are probably a much stronger person than I was a few years ago. I hope this will not effect your sobriety. (You did good in talking to the sponsor(s)) Wherever your path takes you know there are people here that care. Please take care of YOU. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs Wanda
Sounds to me as if you have much to be thankful for....Blessed that you found this out before marriage and (dear God) children! Blessed to have so many willing and able to give you a helping hand. Time for you to stand on your own 2 feet. Hit the pavement hard come Monday morning, find yourself a job and continue to move upward and onward!
Proud of you, my friend. What great courage you have.
__________________
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
I went out there yesterday to get some stuff... and he was trying to say all the right things again I guess, apologizing and asking me to come back, said I should come back for maybe a month at least until I figure out where I'm going, and that maybe I'd decide to stay *rolls eyes* yeah right.
I'm staying here with my friend in Omaha till I figure things out, the friend I'd been planning to talk to said if I moved in her vacant house it'd have to be really temporary, as she *says* she's leaving her husband next week and moving into that house... so I figured I might as well just stay here for now. One of my sponsors is getting me numbers for income-based apartments here, and someone at the meeting last night says she rents a trailer on a farm and that the farmer would probably take my hurt guinea that needs a home, and that he might know of a farm that needs help and would give me a place to live, so I'm gonna call him in a bit.
As for working, I have to be careful with it... Voc Rehab suggested I don't work and risk screwing up my disability, especially with these physical problems popping up, the idea of rheumatoid and all that, she said definitely don't risk screwing it up until I get tests done and a diagnosis. So with that I'm sorta stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm on disability for mental illness that I don't think I have, and I probably could hold a job now as far as that goes, but the back problems get so bad, and my hands and feet lately, I think voc rehab was right as far as waiting until I get a diagnosis of some sort, until I figure out what's going on. They said if I start working, and they do my review next year and kick me off disability because of it (which she said they likely would), and it turns out I do have rheumatoid or something and wind up needing to go back on, it will be much harder to get back on. But I'll be looking up a doctor real soon and get it figured out. I guess I figured if I find farm work I could work it out to work for cash for the time being until I figure things out, and also hopefully if I explain the physical problems they'll work with me as far as what I'm doing or hours I work or whatever.
Yes Doll, I'm very blessed... and am finding out what good friends I have here... the woman I'm staying with, I guess I really didn't know how this would go over with her, she's one of his exes, and I guess I always sorta thought of her more as *his* friend than my friend... but thankfully she knew what he was like and she's a very good person and is helping me out for the time being. exbf called her last night, asking her to talk me into going back to him, she told him she can't tell me what to do, she's mostly trying to stay out of it I guess, well, she'll sit here and rant with me lol but she doesn't want to really get involved in it as far as exbf goes, and I don't blame her. But she's a big support to me right now, and I found out last night my homegroup all saw through him too... everyone was just waiting for me to figure it out... they couldn't have told me before, I wouldn't have listened.
Sorry, rambling again... just so much going through my mind lately, so much going on... but really, I'm not worrying about it all, I'm still hurt and upset, but at the same time I guess kinda at peace too if that makes any sense at all... God put me here in Nebraska for a reason, and He'll find the right place for me to live here also...
Everything's on time and on schedule, Lisa. You have become such a strong woman this year. You keep on keepin' on, and trust that God is right there making certain that it all works out for your good. Love, Chris
__________________
"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
"everyone was just waiting for me to figure it out... they couldn't have told me before, I wouldn't have listened."
Been there... took several years before I finally had my ears wired to hear that the situation with me and the roommate who I had supported financially was really not ok, and that just because someone has 20 years without drugs and alcohol in their system, doesn't mean that everything they say is right or even in the ballpark.
I don't post here a lot but I do read most of the posts, glad to hear that you're taking care of yourself in a very stressful and difficult situation.
