In the third step prayer in the Big Book, it says..."take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love,and Thy Way of Life. After some time in the program I had to ask myself, what difficulties am I having that are keeping me from turning my Will and My Life over to God? Through self examination, meditation and prayer I saw that my ideas towards God that were formed from childhood were going to have to be changed if I wanted to live by faith. I discovered that I heard voices, these voices told me that God didn't care about me, was not willing,though all powerful,to act on my behalf,would not take care of me or if he did would quickly take back what he gave and definitely did not want as much for me as I wanted for myself. These I discovered are the voices of doubt,unbelief, and rationalization. I no longer am subject to their ill effects on my life. The fact that I see them means that they no longer can hide from me. I see significance in the statement that "you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free" Through talking to God and sharing what I have found, I am able to quench these hellish attacks and to trust God more deeply. Question, What are your difficulties with trusting God?
Hiya Eddie, nice to meet you. Welcome to MIP. Thanks for being here. What a beautiful post & thank you for asking. I'm treating myself to a much needed early night tonight during lots of hard work & will be reading a chapter as suggested to me after my meeting tonight to sleep on & your post has inspired me to think on what you've asked too. I'll return to you in the next few days. In the meantime I hope for & look forward to hearing what others have to share on this sensitive & searching question too. Thanks so much for asking it. Have yourself a lovely sober day. Yours, in recovery, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
I was agnostic before AA. I just took the plunge and what helped me was to form the entity as 'MY GOD"....whatever it was I didn't ask. Whateverit was it did not need to follow any creed or process of that religion.
I knew that opening up to my own GOD ...just for me...was the sealer.
"Take away my difficulties"....these to me are my defects.....not my trust in GOD. My defects of mind and charachter keep me from doing Gods will. Keep asking...and the promises will slowly come!
Raised strict Baptist. Always felt something was wrong with the idea that I get to choose Heaven or Hell. (If I can choose, then doesn't that mean I have the same amount of 'power' as God??!!) But always felt blessed that God introduced Himself to me at a very young age.
"Discovered" the Primitive Baptist Doctrine a few years back and finally feel at ease......
Never had a difficulty trusting in Him, my difficulity comes with "WHEN will it happen?" I want it in MY time, not His........
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Ok, well this is me & just for today.. My current difficulties with trusting 'God' are severalfold. First of all, I do have a coming of understanding (& I speak for myself) of what my God means to/for me at this point & how I understand 'It, Him/Her, There'. I understand God to mean the greater good in things, the working together between people for better outcomes (in being less selfish & hurtful). I don't think God creates evil in the world I think Man's will, selfishness & miniscule view does this. God is a tapping into getting out of self & working & helping others (& self) achieve peace & happiness or a coming to terms with life & its sufferings. I'm allowing God into my life in a way of knowing that I can love & care for myself & know I deserve my space in the world at this time. This has been really hard for me & I hope I'm not being too selfish in using my God to work towards this but I do so to try & lose that feeling of uselessness. I take God to mean unconditional love which can be accessed when I feel I have 'His' approval by my own conscience (which is being developed through AA in learning what my defects are & how they stand in the way of this) This sounds like a contradiction of well God won't love me if I'm not good but I take it to mean that I'm not acting in a way that deserves peace if I don't & this can seem apparant on a daily basis. God's love would indeed seem conditional to me if I can only feel it when I'm doing the right things. I guess this is where the unconditional quality of forgiveness comes in. Forgiveness divine. If I can forgive my foibles or mistakes then that's a God's love too but this has to be followed by honest attempts to continue to get out of self~centeredness & into wholesome choices of what won't affect others detrimentally. God's love is unconditional in that I can pray & ask for it at any given time so I'm happy with that as 'unconditional' for now. Besides my defects getting in the way I guess my main issue IS trusting that as long as I try I will be loved & taken care of & be a better person around & for others. God helping those who help themselves. I had a supervision in work today & my boss told me that I need to take a leap of faith & use my personality more & engage with others. She noted that I seemed so terrified of making a mistake that I had been coming across as aloof & cold & lacking in social skills! (& really this isn't me & why I drank) I'm 10months away from a drink & nearly a year in AA so I found it rather ironic that my boss was pointing out to me how I've been lacking in these skills. She said she knows I'm giving 100% but that I need to let go of my fear & allow myself to make mistakes & be expressing my personality. I was relieved by her words because the strain of hanging on so tightly was stressful & making me ill@ease with myself. She told me I needed to make a leap of faith & trust that they would help me if I fluffed. She also said that I had a right to be who I am cuz God created me. I agreed with a little smile & decided to trust her & take this leap. It's everything AA has been teaching me I need to do & I really believe that's God@work. So my initial difficulty was trust in God & myself & denying who I am. Fear of rejection. Alcoholism covers the spectrum for me & the only way away from that is to believe in this Higher Power I do call 'God' & let go. I was trying to control my personality so that I wouldn't be rejected. The fact is that in doing this I had cut off my skills in being able to engage with others & do my job! God & trust seem one & the same & inside me. That living life on life's terms. Getting out of my self~centered fear & able to live in the Day. It's all simple stuff really. I make it complicated. & I don't know if I'll be able to do this but I've been encouraged & set a certain challenge & task & all I have to do is let go, surrender & enjoy it. Be myself & confident that if this is rejected then it especially wasn't right for me anyway & wouldn't be a failure but a learning towards what may be more suited. God's a teacher & a guide to me if I'm prepared to listen & stay positive or at least hopeful & remembering that difficulties will pass if & when I let them. My sponsor told me that God or my Higher Power will only reveal to me that which I'm capable of dealing with so it really is about trust. Trust & faith. And faith is the opposite of fear. That & a sense of fun & humour. Warmth & kindness. God please pray for me as I go back to work & try all this tomorrow. Let Go, Let God & have a laugh :) Obviously serious & concentrative when needed too! Anyhoo, got a bit carried away sharing there. Really needed to. Thanks for asking a good question, Eddie. I really needed to answer it for myself. Love in recovery, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
