I need to share loads just need to get it out. I have allways been a binge drinker thought since i have started AA i now notice i get cravings. I had a great day today then 5pm sat down reading feeling good and next minuite my mind is thinking of drink. From no where. Then it,s like having two voices in my head the recovering alcoholic arguing with the alcoholic. Five hours later still sober day 6. I kept myself busy and came on here and just typing this out really really helps. I hate those moments when the alcoholic mind starts, it,s horrible i just want to shut it out. So glad there are you guys on here that understand and people at my AA meetings.
On a good note i am settling in at the AA meeting,s have not spoke when it,s a free for all but i dont have to till i am ready. Go in early though so i get to know some of the others. There great i feel safe and happy in the meetings and i dont feel like, no one understands me anymore. I have told my whole family and can speak openly to them about it, bloody hard though as i am so use to lieing and covering up the drink it,s nice to just be able to be honest.
What i am not sure about yet is telling others at work ect. For me honesty is the best and i cant stand hiding stuff as it makes me stressed which leads to the booze i just worry how i will be percieved. I have days where i make my mind up to say i am a alcoholic which i know i am then other days where i preffer saying drink problem, binge drinker.
Thanks for reading feel alot better and less angry.
I can probably relate to you fairly well, as today is just Day 10 for me. I'm not sure if you were an every day drinker (I was not, but things became a problem when I stopped being able to have my last drink any other way than passing out), but either way, I am newly sober, and sworn to myself and others that this process, though day-by-day, will be for good.
I used to drink frequently on weekends. This past weekend was, in fact, the first in quite some time without a drop of alcohol. I went to the beach on Saturday, which was great, and tranquil, and just what a part of me needed. However, when I got home and was showering, my brain found itself thinking about just how well a beer would finish off a nice day. My strategy in the early going (and maybe beyond, who knows) has been to remind myself that I have always had the power not to drink on a particular day. Maybe at one time this ability helped me lie to myself in order to make myself believe that I was not an alcoholic. However, I still have the ability to be sober on any one particular day, and I used it to my advantage that day. I told myself, "today is not a day I am drinking." To be extra sure, I also expressed my thought to my wife, who backed up my assurance that I would not, in reality, be drinking a beer with a healthy "Damn right you won't!"
I, too, am going to AA meetings. Keep going and do not stop. I don't know if you are religious or not, but if you are not (I'm not), don't be put off. There are those at meetings I have been to who have expressed a belief that the higher power can be the voice inside (your non-alcoholic). Keep going. You will find that you have more in common with other alcoholics than you ever would have imagined, and you will learn something every time; I know I do, and even though I am well-educated, my saying so is honest, not an exercise in humility. Don't speak until you really are ready, aside from the day count (let people know - they will really show you support). Do try to go to a beginnner's meeting, though. As I am in a profession that requires me to speak publicly in front of rooms full of strangers on a regular basis, I was not hesitant to speak at a beginner's meeting (then again, there were only seven people and I was the only new person, so it was sort of my place to do so - I even read the preamble to the meeting).
Next, as far as telling people, this is something that you have to figure out for yourself, though it is not wrong to ask what others did. One thing that I hear a lot is that you should not discuss it at work, which makes sense to me, because you never know who might have a stigma against your disease, as unfair and judgmental as that is. Personally, I told my parents (though I could only do so by E-mail at first, for fear of breaking down on the phone, which I didn't want to do) soon after I admitted it to myself. My boss also found out, though I had decided not to tell him. He asked why I seemed distracted, and I decided that I was not in the mood to lie, so I closed the door and told the truth. He surprised me by being more supportive than I had thought was possible for him. I guess I have no answer here for you, but maybe I can at least provide the comfort of another person on the same path as yourself. When and who you decide to tell is a very personal decision, and one that you should make carefully. We are, after all, entitled by the nature of the Program to our anonymity, and you should not give it up lightly to those who you can't guarantee will be part of your support network.
The important thing is that you have admitted the nature of your problem to the most important person - yourself.
Finally, as far as I am concerned, feel free to express whatever you want. I believe that there are many caring people on here, and have come to hope and believe that this board is a safe place, like meetings. I don't have nearly enough sobriety to talk to you or give sponsor-type advice, but if it helps to share and you don't want to post to the general group, you can always private message me. I enjoy the realization of what I can learn from others. In that spirit, thank you for posting, and I am glad if the experience of doing so has helped you.
Stay with us, stay strong, and come back. It works.
Thanks for your reply to my post, I was not a everyday drinker either, Binge drinker i called myself,which for many years made me think i was not a alcoholic as i was not needing or wanting a drink daily. 10 days is brillant work, be 11 when you read this. Day 7 today for me a whole week ,really pleased.
You said i could send a private message and i thought it would be helpfull to have someone on here i can message and maybe i can support too. I also put this post on the forum too just as sharing helps others sometimes.
You said you use to drink frequently at weekends i can relate to that as that was when my binge drinking would take place mostly. Weekends i find are the hardest time to remain sober, during the week i find alot easier. I like what you said about the power not to drink on a paticular day i have to remind myself as much as i can to remember this as it does work.
AA meeting are a life saver they really are. What you said about learning something each time is true. I lookforward to the meetings though each time before i go i feel like i dont want to go, nerves, fear and the fact that it is a emotional journey. I am interested in religion and do beleve in a higher power what ever that maybe so that has not been to hard for me, though the whole religion, God thing has been a big issue in the past so i just take what i like or understand for now and leave the rest.
Telling people is something in the back of my mind alot at the moment. I am really pleased your boss was so understanding and what you said about not being in the mood to lie that is how i feel now since admitting to myself i am a alcoholic. I need to be honest for the programe to work, though i am scared of people,s reactions. Will they take it seriously, will they think the worst as there is a negative perception out there of what a alcoholic is. Will it make people avoid me. I guess i would like people to meet me and get to know me first and then say well i am a alcoholic, rather than being judge first. Thing is word travells and if i am going to be honest and open up too people word will travel. I work in a office with about a thousand people, in the city i live in. Nothing remains private and outside of work everyone seems to know someone in work or someone who did work there. I guess i have alot of thinking to do. It may be the controlling side of me coming out as i have allways controlled most things and this is like going to be out of that, maybe it wont even be that bad.
Thanks for your reply John it really, really helped.
Congrats to both of you on your new found sobriety!!! Such was the beginning of my REAL life, which is so much sweeter than my numbed, drinking life ever was.
The craves were a huge part of early recovery for me. They were severe early on, and quite bad the first 30 days, but did, as the Program promises, ease up and nearly disappear as I worked the steps. I had the first evenings after work without, then the first weekend without, then the first camping trip without, first boating trip without, etc... If anything convinced me that I am a real alcoholic, the unrelenting craves did. Non-alkis simply do not have such battles - the drink is just not that central in their lives. For me, certain craves were downright humiliating in their intensity. At those times, I hit my knees and begged for help getting through them - and it worked! I now seldom have cravings anymore, but on occasion hear a whisper now and then - so I know to respect this disease for the sneak that it is.
Regarding work. I consider "coming clean" part of the amends process. Step 9 states "except when to do so would injure them or others". For me to confess because it would make me feel better, might not be the right motivation. I can also attest that the risk of perpetual punishment by my bosses/peers, based on their own prejudices toward this condition would render the process harmful to me and possibly disrupt the workplace. My sponsor urged me to be very careful with any revelations in the work environment. To date, only my very closest friend (at work) knows. I do not consider that lying. The rest of work knows that I do not drink for health reasons - that to drink would be fatal for me, period.
I sincerely wish you the best as you proceed - regarding those sneaky craves and the whole work thing. If you follow the Big Book and our AA founders' suggestions, sticking to each 24 hours, miracles WILL happen. They did (and still are) for me.
I know you've probably heard it before, but hang in there, and this too shall pass! It takes time and work in recovery for those cravings to subside.
Occasionally I will have a brief 'thought', not a craving, but it always passes quickly. That usually happens when I am guilty of HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired). I try really hard not to get too run down.
As far as honesty, my life's pretty much been an open book since I have sobered up. I don't think there's a single employer of mine I didn't tell, and I've not had a negative reaction to that in 20 years. You are the only one who knows what will work for you as far as telling folks.
__________________
"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguements and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
~Herbert Spencer
Yeah you really see how powerful the booze is when you get the cravings. I never thought I would get cravings when I stopped I thought I am only a binge drinker I dont drink daily so will not happen. I thought through my drinking I was just wanting one cause I was bored, never entered my head it may have been a craving.
This to shall pass I love that saying so true just have to stick in there. As for telling people and work I can see what youre both saying and it makes sense. I will do what is right for me and tell who I wish to tell it is my choice and what works best for me and the programme.
I have just experienced another craving, I had to phone work as I am off right now and even though signed off I am getting pressure from them after the call I was really wound up so instead of just letting it wind me up I phoned someone at work who will help and they are going to ring me back. I realise now I use to just let things build up rather than be strong and sort it out which I have to do now to stay sober.
great job so far. Binging on weekends was what KEPT me in alcohol. I felt that if I could hold out during the week it was OK. Well the weekends turned into drinking marathons and several trips to the store, of coarse driving drunk.
Weekends should be for Family time, and I was not doing any of it. Life was all about ME ME ME ME ME. and how bad I I I I I felt. So selfish.
As you get the craviongs, call another alky, take a long walk, workout, eat some fruit etc. This shall pass. Most importantly get to as many meetings as you can the first 90 days.
