Not to long ago my sponsor of almost 7 years came to me and asked me if I would work the steps with her. She has been really struggling with "life" stuff - a year ago she died on the operating table and was brought back to life, and dealing with this wonderful gift has been actually quite difficult. She is emotionally raw and vulnerable. I love her dearly and I am so grateful she has been on this journey with me however, I have not sought much direction from her, and her emotional state doesn't give her much peace at times. She has always seen right through me, which I have needed in the past and maybe still need today, she has been supportive and understanding as well. Over the last six months I believe she has looked at others flaws with judgement and criticism to keep the focus off of herself. She and I are close and we are friends today. I was humbled that she asked me to work the steps with her and felt on the spot and said that I would - (should have thought about it and gone with my (God) gut!) however I am having reservations.
I went to a great meeting on Friday evening purposefully to speak to a woman who I felt could give me some direction. I have known her for sometime now. She goes to a different home group. She is "outside" of my circle of women friends at my home group and I was seeking an unbiased opinion. Anyway, I was not disappointed. She directed me to pg 55 in As Bill Sees It - regarding guidance and asked me to call her in a couple of days once I had done this - I believe my HP is guiding this deal totally - I keep heading towards new direction here. I called her today and told her that I had read the reading and I had come to the decision to change sponsors and that her advice to me to have an honest and loving conversation with my current sponsor would happen Tues when we meet. I told her I was anxious - probably due to fear of hurting her feelings due to her emotional turmoil already, not liking conflict, obligated loyalty of sorts and so on - - Anyway, she assured me that more than likely it would all go well. I believe it will too.
It is hard to be a sponsor and wear two different hats when you become friends - kindred spirits, I have know some who can and then I have also know some who just need to move on in their journey and continue to grow. Food for thought - any others?
One year ago, almost to the day I lost my Sonsor and friend to Brain Cancer. Along with the A.A. community of this part of Northern Calif., not to mention her family, husband, Son and multiple friends, and lots of sponsees.
I never was affected by any Sponsor, or person dying in my life like Pam C. The reason is because we got close. We were both recovered drunks, we are both Christians, both had the same first name and the same type of Whacky personality.
When she got sick with Cancer I didn't beleive it at first. I thought it was a lie that it couldn't be true. She was only 49 years old had Cancer 3 years earlier and won and everyone thought that God had healed her. She passed on to "GLORY" in less than 3 months after she fell down in her kitchen. I was angry, shocked, sad, and depressed, but I didn't drink, smoke or use.
However, One of her sponsees that were close to her fell. One of them that worked very close and had a close friendship as well.
I went into a tent of isolation for a little bit after the first 5 months it hit me harder. It was painful to loose her that suddenly, plus I hadn't really gotten to spend that much time with her.
I have asked the wrong women so far. I really haven't wanted to jump into the Sponsorship pool yet. That is what happened when I pulled away in order to stay away from the pain again. I know it's life on lifes terms.
I should make a Sponsorship choice soon for my RECOVERY to continue to be successful. I am coming up on 14 years in February and I can't think of anything more Beautiful than a "SOBER RECOVERED ALCOHOLIC WOMAN, or MAN."
I pray that God will put the right Sponsor into my life and into the lives of everyone seeking RECOVERY. Through Gods will and in the name of his Son Jesus, Amen
What I have learned over the years is that sponsors are human too. I know, for me, for a long time I had a bad habit of putting people up on a pedestal, and then being so disappointed when they fell off.
You are the only one who knows what you truly need as far as sponsorship.
My sponsor is tough as nails, doesn't gloss anything over, and given me plenty of scar tissue. That is exactly what I need because I can climb on that pity pot real quick! I also can't 'con' my sponsor, and that is good!
I have had several sponsors over the years, and as with most things in my life, they serve a purpose, but eventually it's time to move on.
It has also been my experience in sponsoring others that my sponsorees help me immensely! So many times I have gotten out of self by getting involved with helping a sponsoree.
It sounds like your original sponsor is having a tough time. I know I have often been guilty of looking at the negatives in others in order to avoid working on me.
Do what you know is best for you in your heart. As long as you go to your old sponsor to talk to her, and you are honest, open, and willing in your conversation, you can't go wrong.
__________________
"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguements and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
~Herbert Spencer
TenderheartsKS - thanks so much for the input. I have thought about, written about it and prayed about it for quite sometime now and decided I needed to take some action - I have looked at me, checked my motives and agendas and expectations - I truly have and with some guidance. After 6+ years, I feel I do need direction from someone "outside" the close circle I have, which includes my current sponsor and some really great women. I believe it would be beneficial to me and the women I sponsor. They are all loving and can be brutally honest at times! But they are good for me and play a huge part in my recovery. I guess I feel that we have become so intwined as friends and kindred spirits that objectivity and good healthy principled direction gets fuzzy sometimes. We all recognize it and try our best to be careful there. We have a strong representation of women with quality sobriety. Here is a little bit of what I am talking about - I shared with her that a sponsee fired me one time because she basically didn't like what I had to say about a situation and she asked me "aren't you just angry, mad and hurt?" and I admitted that for about 2 seconds it was about me and then not - because I wanted what was best for this sponsee no matter what and if that meant changing sponsors or going through whatever she needed to to get there then so be it. Her reply to this was "if you did that to me I would be devestated!", there have been many times I have been concerned about her in regards to her state of peace and her (heart) health, she has taken it out on others several times in the years I have known her. I always say that she is usually 90% of the time right on the money - her delivery just sucks sometimes. And I do hear the 90% and not just the delivery. She pushes people away and she is hurting. Last Sunday, she came over for coffee and cried at my kitchen table - she is getting ready to go through lap band surgery and is working intensively in therapy with a counselor to take care of the inside stuff and some things are revealing themselves that have been stuffed for 20+ years of her sobriety. She has people to talk to and a support system but doesn't have a sponsor, hasn't for some time and feels she really needs to get reconnected to the program and work it - and that is when she asked me to work the steps with her - I did say yes in that moment - without thinking it through - what do you think? I plan to talk to her this week and know that as long as I am loving and honest it will all be okay - it already is really. Thanks again.
I know that the literature leiflets in the rooms of A.A. has many writings on Sponsorship. Praying for Gods Will always works if you are patient with him.
Wow, I have heard so many Blessings here. Just wait upon "THE LORD."
Right now my husband is in his 4th month of unemployment. We have been "Blessed" however so many times. We TRUST GOD with everything and we need to remember that he controls everything, not me.
I love page 449, my first sponsor loved me on that page. Today, everytime I have a problem I can look at page 449 and then at me.
Sponsorship comes hard for me only because I am lazy, i don't really want one now and I haven't found that one Sober, Recovering, Christian Alcoholic Woman, that is older than 52 , has more than 18 years Sobriety and Walks the Talk. Not much to ask right???????
I haven't been going out to meetings for a while lately. I love this type of meeting. If you know of anyone on-lline please pass them on to me.
