Just found this site today while looking for something up lifting. I haven't drank since 6/95. I'm being considered for a very good job but probably won't survive the back groundcheck due to all the stupid things I did while still drinking. I have found people to be not very forgiving. Oh don't get me wrong I have forgave myself and have alot of things in my life today to be very grateful for. My family was who I hurt the worse and by the grace of my higher power they have forgiven me. Waiting for this check to come back has made me relive all the guilt and shame feelings of the past that I really thought I was over with. Now I've come to reallize they'll probably never go away completely it will just depend on what I do with them when they pop up. Oh I don't feel like drinking I don't believe there's anything that could make me want to return to that way of live. I just wonder is there ever going to be a point where the past will stop being held against me? I mean it's not like I killed anyone or was a thief. I was a drunk who made alot of bad decisions for too years. Just typing it out makes me feel better and makes me realize as I read it back to myself, that for today I'm very grateful to be sober. Thank you for letting me vent TimW
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Do the right things and the right things will happen
Hi Tim welcome to MIP. Yeah, there's alot of uplifting things to be read here, and some good inspirational postings. Sharing what we're going through is always a comfort.
I'm always getting busted for projecting--every time I start worrying about tomorrow, Phil asks "been to a meeting lately?". Hopefully, with this job youre anticipating, 12 years has been enough time to elapse.
I have a 38 yr. old, that lest I forget, reminds me periodically of my past actions. (like, I'm gonna forget anyway, eh?) For me, I run the garbage thru my head and try to remember the lesson in it. Then I release it as best as possible. I remind myself, I cannot change the past, I cannot predict the future, so my best bet is to make the most of my "right now", so that tomorrow I can look back on it without guilt or remorse. It sounds like you do something similar. Finding gratitude.
Sometimes, just articulating feelings brings great relief, atleast for me. People here are so supportive of the changes the others go through. We've all been there. There are few meetings here in this area, so the board is very important to me, helping me keep things in perspective during the between times.
Trusting that my Higher Power will put me where I'm supposed to be is the biggest help of all. Having faith in myself helps sometimes too, eh? Keep coming back, this is a wonderful fellowship. Chris
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
I too am new. It's great to get things off your chest and we are here to listen.
Don't worry about the background check, what happens, happens and it's not in your "control" now. You have the power to get past it without a drink and that's all that matters.
Hey, you went for it anyway so you never know! I'm rooting for you, Tim. Good to have you here. I hope you'll come back & let us know how it's going & if the job works out. We're with you every step & feel your support too. Glad you've joined us. Have a peaceful day & share with you soon, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
It is to be praised that you have been sober for 12yrs. Super job! Hoping for the best out-come on this job. We all take those sorts of risks.....even people who have never drank. That is life. If it should not turn out, however, it is not failure. I believe it was on this site that someone had quoted Thomas Edison. He did not view his attempts at creating the light bulb as failure. He simply said, "It took me X of tries." Besides it may very well be that your HP has something better in store/mind for you. I knew this woman who recently passed away and for years she was a bank teller/bank sec. It was not until it appeared in her obituary notice that I learned she had a degree in chemistry from a university. WOW!!! Rather than work in a lab, become a scientist ect. ect. she was far happier in what she did for 32 years. It gave her life meaning. Best of luck to you, Wanda
Thank you everyone. After a long talk with myself (yeah it's ok to answer also) I decided I am what I am. My biggest fear was disappointing my wife AGAIN! She has stood by me thru the worst and I never have understood why. Guess she seen something that no one including myself could see. This job could be life changing for us. I told her today what my concern was and she laughed. Told me it was me she loved and if she was in it for the money she'd left a long time ago. 12 years may seem like a long time but it isn't really. There's a new lesson to be learned on a daily basis. After being drunk for nearly 35 years sometimes I'm just not sure if what I'm feeling is proper or am I just feeling sorry for myself. Reading thru the msg board I've seen lots of good stuff and I'm glad I found this site. I will be visiting regularly who knows maybe I'll get a chance to help someone. I know I've seen many that have made me wish I could give them what I've found. Staying sober in the begining and straighten the mess we create is very hard. But the rewards are more than you can ever imagine. Thanks for reading my ramble TimW
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Do the right things and the right things will happen
