...self-contempt never inspires lasting change. -- Jane R. Hirschmann and Carol H. Munter
I can suck myself down into a deep, black hole when I focus on what I think I SHOULD be more loving, sexy, productive, whatever. Thinking I should be something else means Im not good enough now. This is poverty thinking and a guaranteed way to be miserable.
I can let go of this suffering by accepting WHAT IS. I can say, This is how I am right now and thats okay.
When I first tried this, I could say it but not believe it. Then I began to experience the freedom this perspective brings just by changing my mind! Now Im beginning to believe it. What a gift!
When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid, kind, and fearless.
-- Byron Katie
higherawareness.com
Accepting ourselves just as we are--not an easy thing for us to learn. We have so much negative self talk to unlearn, just to make room for the good thoughts. It's a daily practice I still have to stay aware of. I can undo weeks of getting my self esteem back where it belongs, and some little doubt creeps in, or I totally personalize one itty bitty statement someone makes and boom, it's all about me and what's wrong with me. And then I have to ask myself- Just who set these standards that determine what is right or wrong about me? Nobody but me, that's who. Back to placing unreasonable expectations on myself, physically, mentally and spiritually. I can't begin to get "well" until I can realize that I not only am capable of it, but that I do, indeed, deserve it. I think that there are times when we sabatoge ourselves into not feeling we deserve to feel good. And we do. We paid our dues in triplicate, and just like all of us on this earth, we deserve the good things in life. Including self esteem. Okay, there's my ramble for the night. love, Chris
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
Thanks for this, Chris. Again it reinforces the new message I'm giving to myself as I expressed last night. My self~esteem has been an issue all my life & I'm realising now that it's all to do with my attitude towards myself. How I speak to & about myself in my head. I know this seems like a simple truth & I guess where alcoholism comes into its own. My addiction wants me to drink so it will find anyway it can get in there. This means it can affect my thinking & sneak in with a negative thought here & bad attitude there. What a task~master I have been for myself. That's what's self~centred about me. Instead of simply concentrating on whatever task is at hand (especially in work) I will be thinking about the fear for my performance, the expectations, the criticism rather than the facts & information I need to be paying attention to. My ego doesn't have to come into it. Where's the relevance of worrying about me when I need to be getting things done & accepting whichever way that arises! I've been a terrible judge for myself & I couldn't share on this in a meeting last night. I realised how destructive my self~talk has been & what I've done to myself & that it didn't have to be that way & then I realised it came down to simply loving myself like a gentle, learning child/adult. Ironically, my self~pity & criticism told me not to share about these new thoughts & how I was feeling which in turn made me feel even more sorry for myself. The more honest I am the weller I will get. The nuisance I had before is that I was being honest about how sad I was for myself but a way is clearing & I think I can begin to start being honest about how this has been self~sabotaging & get honest about what I can do about it & how that's working for me. How the program is working for me. How I am working the program thus it working for me. Talk about layers lol My self~pity can cripple me & it's embarressing (Yet HOLD! Is not embarressment another form of self~pity!) Cunning, baffling & powerful indeed Thanks so much that A.A. is here for me to share with, be guided & be understood. Thanks so much for being here & a part of that. Thanks for your part too, Wren. Yours, as ever, in hope & recovery, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
