Well, I've got this friend online... actually the one I mentioned in my last post that more or less "keeps me in line" lol I've known him for awhile now and we talk a lot, and he's actually a huge help to me in my recovery... Well, I do know the whole "stick with the same sex" as far as sponsors go, which some people do go against that, but generally I agree with it. But well, I'd already somewhat started thinking of him as sorta a sponsor... so I asked him to be my online sponsor last night, and he said he would :) I did talk to another online friend about it, she said she had had a male online sponsor and it worked out great... so I guess we'll see how it goes...
I do know the reasons for not having a sponsor of the opposite sex, but figured, well, this is online, and he's in New Zealand of all places, so it shouldn't be a big deal lol Yet, I do admit, there have been times, mostly when I'm overly tired and talking to him, that I get these mixed up feelings towards him on rare occasions, yet I know it's just being tired and not thinking straight... because other times, most the time, those feelings aren't there... mostly he's just a very good friend, and I respect him and how he works the program.
I do have a f2f sponsor that I work the steps with, but feel so much closer to this friend online and feel I can confide in him more than I do my f2f sponsor, although I do really like my f2f sponsor and do talk to her about stuff, and she's a really great sponsor, I guess I figure eventually I will feel closer to her, I do remember it took time to feel very close to my first sponsor back in Memphis, and I've only had this sponsor for 2 months now. With my online sponsor, well, he said I can talk to him about working the steps and ask questions, but obviously I need to actually work the steps with my f2f sponsor, but, he likes to focus quite a bit on the daily meditations he reads, and is encouraging me to get more in the habit of reading them every day, at least the 24 hr/day book, and the alanon meditation book we both have, and then we can talk some about what we read in there too.
Something I was thinking about last night though, and I guess I'm not sure about it, and it would depend on what my online sponsor thinks of it, and what my f2f sponsor thinks... but, am working on my 4th step now, and think I'm getting near the end of it until my next one, should be ready for my 5th step soon I think... Honestly I don't think I feel quite comfortable enough with my f2f sponsor to do the 5th with her... I guess it would be alright, and I know I can trust her and that she won't judge me, but have thought I would rather do it with my online sponsor... and I do know you can do it with anyone and it doesn't even have to be your sponsor... Honestly, I had thought at first I would want to do the 5th with my bf, but then decided against it, because although I know he won't judge me, some things in there could possibly sway how he feels towards me I guess and I guess that worries me... Really, my online sponsor is probably the person I would feel most comfortable with in doing the 5th step, and most trusting with, feeling that I'm able to confide these things in him.
Alright, here I am rambling as usual... lol so I suppose I'll shut up for now lol
And maybe it would be even better to just keep him as a good friend for support. As Doll said, keeps it simple. If you're even having itty bitty thoughts, well, RED FLAG. Don't set yourself up, Sweetie, I know how good we are at that...love, Chris
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
I would caution you to think long and hard before doing a 5th step with an online friend.
I am always amazed, and I was guilty of this too for so long, why we always seek the most 'comfortable' solutions. It isn't that comfort is a bad thing. However, as the old saying goes, no pain, no gain.
If we are to find long-term recovery, one with true growth, we WILL experience discomfort.
It's always easy to feel 'safer' with an online friend. We're not sitting there face to face, are we?
The fact that you do have real life resources, including a real life sponsor is great. Those need to be primary tools in your recovery. I have found the internet is a great supplement for my recovery, but is NOT a replacement for my real life meetings and talks with my sponsor face to face.
To be honest, for a long time after I got sober, I was more comfortable around men than I was women. It took me a long time to really dig deep and discover why. Now I have wonderful female friends in the program.
Just my two cents...
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"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguements and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
~Herbert Spencer
My experience, i have been sober for six and a half years and spent the first two years around the fellowship doing most of what was suggested. Circumstance found me without a sponsor in the middle of my step four and i drifted from the fellowship. I have had recent thoughts about approaching someone on line to do my stepwork with, i have a young family and little time to traul meetings, however further thinking revealed that i could set myself up in a co-dependant relationship if i pursued what i initially thought could be my answer.
TRUST is the most important thing when doing your 5th STEP.
It says in the BIg BOOK to take it to your PASTOR, MINISTER, CLERGY, or your same sex SPONSOR or FRIEND. Isually someone you'll never see again is good unless you can really feel comfortable with them.
I had worked my first 5th STEP with my SPONSOR and I didn't leave out a THING. THE reason is because I was so used to running my mouth to everyone anyway about my life that I felt like I was going to burst from the SICKNESS in my SOUL.
PLUS SHE had done some things that were just as aweful she shared with me. So I didn't feel alone like I was that wicked.
However I did a Thourough HOUSECLEANING again after that with a PASTOR when I was Baptized and BORN AGAIN in CHRIST. I'll be lifting you up in prayer for a POWERFUL DELIVERANCE.
