Blaming Others As we begin to truly understand that the world outside of us is a reflection of the world inside of us, we may feel confused about who is to blame for the problems in our lives. If we had a difficult childhood, we may wonder how we can take responsibility for that, and in our current relationships, the same question arises. We all know that blaming others is the opposite of taking responsibility, but we may not understand how to take responsibility for things that we dont truly feel responsible for. We may blame our parents for our low self-esteem, and we may blame our current partner for exacerbating it with their unconscious behavior. Objectively, this seems to make sense. After all, it is not our fault if our parents were irresponsible or unkind, and we are not to blame for our partners bad behavior. Perhaps the problem lies with the activity of blaming. Whether we blame others or blame ourselves, there is something aggressive and unkind about it. It sets up a situation in which it becomes difficult to move forward under the burdensome feelings of shame and guilt that arise. It also puts the resolution of our pain in the hands of someone other than us. Ultimately, we cannot insist that someone else take responsibility for their actions; only they can make that choice when they are ready. In the meantime, if we want to move forward with our lives instead of waiting around for something that may or may not happen, we begin to see the wisdom of taking the situation into our own hands. We do this by forgiving our parents, even if they have not asked for our forgiveness, so that we can be free. We end the abusive relationship with our partner, who may never admit to any wrongdoing, because we are willing to take responsibility for how we are treated. In short, we love ourselves as we want to be loved and create the life we know we deserve. We leave the resolution of the wrongs committed against us in the hands of the universe, releasing ourselves to live a life free of blame.
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
so glad you posted this wren........i've been forwarding it to all my friends in recovery.
Blame is like resentment.......the enemy of our true selves. When we are wronged about all we can do is voice our hurt/feelings then we are powerless over whither the wrong doer will take responsibility/apologise or whatever.......it is simply about taking resposibility for ourselves and loving ourselves. You know even when we fing who/what is to blame it changes nothing.
Thanks wren....had to sit on my hands until you posted lol !
Thankyou, Wren. I'm currently trying to learn & pray for the ability to forgive myself for how I am & for how I receive situations around me. I'm realising that the essence of self~love is this & to truly be kind to myself, to practice this always. My self~abuse has been the most residing factor over my life so really I have to put myself at the top of my resentments list & at the top of my Step9. I can't love self~lessly until I learn to love me, otherwise it may all be fruitless & empty if I can't renew from inside & onwards. Thanks for your kind & timely post. If resentment be the number one offender then forgiveness has to be the close antidote & compassion that in advance. Hugs for you, Chris. Share with you soon, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
