heh, well, wasn't posting for awhile, now I'm posting a lot... lol
H.A.L.T... Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired... I was a bit hungry... not exactly angry... lonely... and definitely tired... have been up all night... being an overprotective mama, and stirrin up trouble... lol
I've got a good friend in an AA chatroom I go to, he somewhat keeps me in line lol or makes me at least think about where I'm at and what I'm doing... Well, I was in the chatroom early this morning, and another friend was there who likes to stir up trouble some, well, with the sickos that come in at least... so this guy comes in, one who has been a tiny bit of a problem I guess, I'd only seen him in there once, my friend had seen him in there before though... and he was tryin to use the AA chat as a dating thing, as he has before... and well, it was just the 3 of us, so friend and I decided to have a little fun... you know, we had fun with it, threw out a little BS... which people in that chat room do with those that come in to cause problems and such... Well, told my friend about it, the one that "keeps me in line" and he more or less shook his head at me. I shouldn't have done it, was backtracking a bit in my program in a way by doing it. Well just a bit ago my friend suggested I read today's meditation, so I read from 24 hrs/day in my email... Part of which said:
"I must never let personal piques interfere with living the way I know God wants me to live. When I have no clear guidance from God, I must go forward quietly along the path of duty. The attitude of quiet faith will receive its reward as surely as acting upon God's direct guidance."
I read that and was like "guess I shoulda read that a bit earlier, huh?" hm... no, not beating up on myself or anything, but did feel a bit bad... we do joke in that room, and we mess with people a bit in fun and well, some not in fun with some of those sickos, but I don't feel what I did/said was right... and in a way made me just as bad as those sickos that come in there.
Lack of sleep messes with me a bit, as I'm sure it does with everyone... generally just brings out my fun flirtiness in the chatroom (with people who know it's all in fun, and they do it back all in fun, good friends) and no one minds that... but just realized that maybe we went too far with the fun and games this morning... After I read that meditation, I thought about "practice these principles in all our affairs" which I definitely wasn't doing.
Anyway... I dunno, just had to get that out... and should probably get some rest... was a bit short with a friend earlier too, more than likely from lack of sleep... need to be taking better care of myself. Just seems to screw up my sleep when bf is gone... dependency? probably... he calls it "withdrawals" from him lol
Lisa, When I was little it was always told me "God works in such mysterious ways" YOU HAVE COME MUCH FARTHER than perhaps you realize. Had this been a year or so ago you probably would have brushed off this incident. But here you are recognizing by your own admission that perhaps you made a mistake. Would you have done that long ago? In other words, the program is making you think in better ways.......ways that help you become a better person and ways to help you help others. You recognized this quickly....... It is somewhat like wanting a drink.......one knows that little voice inside that is nudging to "pick up".... Upon entering the program that voice is very strong and usually unrecoginizable. As we go through the program/steps we see things differently than before. We are able to recognize that little voice alot sooner and do something about it. Don't beat yourself up too badly over this. Youv'e recognized the lesson....(your friend apparently pointed out some things to you, that you were unaware of.) It is in the past.... and you can work much harder to not allow it to happen again. Are there no monitors or guidance in this chatroom? I realize here on this board other things besides alcohol is thrown into the mix. That is how we learn about each other. However, if this guy is strictly there to find a date.......perhaps he should either be "shut out" or someone suggest he tries the sites specifically for that sort of thing? Geeze.......they are a dime a dozen! "Practicing the principals in all our affairs".........we are human and sometimes we slip. We brush ourselves off and start over....... Wanda
Thanks Wanda... yes, you're right... well, it did take a bit of pointing out from my friend, but I did see the mistake in it at least, which I wouldn't have before...
This chat room, there aren't really any moderators, and although it is an AA chat, it is more of "the meeting before and after the meeting" type thing... general chit chat, fun and games, yes - occasional fights and troublemakers and such... if there is a major problem, the one who runs the chat might ban someone I guess, but generally, we'll use the ignore feature, however that doesn't keep the sicko from reading our stuff... And yes, we do discuss AA and help each other through problems and such, but generally, it's just chit chat. Really overall, it's the best chat I've found so far, just those occasional problems come in... We have had some problem of people trying to pick up dates in there... actually, I was warned about a guy, by a friend, this guy has shown up at women's houses from the chat room, obviously they had to have given the guy some kind of information though... he was harmless, just weird, and made them uneasy. But... overall, the regulars there are wonderful people, I've made many good friends in there.
You're right, I can learn from it, move on, and not do it again... Just felt pretty bad about it earlier and needed to sorta get off my chest what I did I guess...
Still haven't gotten any sleep... figured as late in the day as it had gotten, I need to stay up or I won't sleep tonight... so... I'll make it through a few more hours and jump in bed...
