New to this whole AA thing, and, well, frankly, comparatively new to the whole alcoholic thing. It's developed into quite the interesting little life predicament in the last, oh, two years, I'd say. Hmm. It's been a rough two years, as I'm sure many of you can relate to.
Before I ever became an alcoholic (and yes, indeed, I freely and unwaveringly acknowledge myself as such ... always a good first step towards, well, the First Step, huh? ), I suffered, long before, from a delightfully debilitating ailment called Bi-Polar I(I), which, in the recent year, decided to stabilize at the serious unipolar depression facet of the emotional spectrum. At such time, my brain decided to essentially vacate the premises, chemically speaking, and I was condemned to an immeasurably dark abyss, from which I could not escape.
And then, to my overwhelming relief, I discovered that an insignificant widdle substance called, well, alcohol (though, as we all know, she goes by many other charming names as well as varieties, but I digress) could actually alleviate the suffocating darkness, if only temporarily, and, dammit, it didn't require a prescription or psychiatrist or anything else for that matter. It was simple, straightforward. It became my friend.
Nay, my savior.
And then it became my Judas and betrayed me, consumed my life, destroyed what infinitesimal flicker of light left to me (before the onset of the "Dark Times" as I affectionally call them).
Some friend, huh? Heh. It was the lover that cheated on me over and over and still I returned, unabashed, devoid of dignity, pleading for a morsel from her table. Which she fed me. And cheated once again.
Anyhoo, without boring you any further with my pathetic, and, I'm sure, heavily recycled and oft recited tale of woe, I wanted to introduce myself, and wanted to ask, if I may, how many of you are alcoholic AND suffer from depression?
How in the name of heaven do you resolve the duel diagnosis quandary? I'm in the brutal thick of it, and am scrambling for even the most insignificant insight.
I'm really struggling, my friends, and would be honored to hear from anyone who might be able to relate some small scrap of advise, however miniscule, however insignificant. WHATEVER you provide would be TREMENDOUSLY significant!
And, oh, incidentally: Hi, my name is Sarah!
<Hi, Sarah>
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A day may come when the courage of men fails and we break all bonds of fellowship. An hour of woes and shattered shields, when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day!
My name is Carol and I'm an alcoholic living in UK.
Welcome to MIP. It really is a super place and I pop by here every day. It adds a super quality to my sobriety and I have some good friends here.
I have never really suffered from depression, but I know that alcohol is a depressant and that it made me feel dreadful when I was still drinking. But, Sarah, if you have a good GP you could be honest with him/her and see what advice/help is on offer for you. I know when I was drinking I didn't really like my GP, but now that I am sober I think I am lucky to have her as my GP. She knows all about my involvement with AA and is so encouraging.
Also, if you are comfortable with talking about your depression to other alcoholics you could share about it at a meeting. I am sure that you'll meet someone who has been where you are now and will be willing to help you.
But, please keep posting here and letting us know how it goes for you, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
hello fellow pit dweller! i too am a denizen of the deep. my meds have stabilized me at the point just above suicide, i am definitely more gollum like than hobbit. (i love your avatar) your post shows that you are a gifted writer and i suspect other talents as well....the upside to this uh shall we say "uncomfortable" mental dis-ease is gifted creativity.....many of the worlds most famous artists suffered severe depression. not that i feel better knowing that, unless one of my paintings sells for a big buck!i have been in recovery quite awhile and find it is best to speak only to others dealing with clinical depression as unless you have it you dont get it. on bad days i use coping skills ive learned in a wide variety of therapy...one is to watch uplifting movies (i love movies) heroic fantasy is one of my favorites! the most important thing is to know that this does have variations in intensity, some days the fog lifts completely and it gets shiny and bright.....bad days can be endured and good days have beauties in them that the rest of the world usually misses. i was told a long time ago to measure the depth of my darkness for i would receive an equal portion of light. i think the worst side effect of this is feeling so alone, it is crucial to remember that you are not alone and even if every human being around you seems "not there" that there is the "divine" presence that especially watches out for the suffering ones. to be at peace is what i strive for and some days i do good.....there is hope for a very good life. i welcome you to this board. i love this place myself and hope you enjoy it too. let us know how its going and we stay focused in our recovery together.....cant do it alone!
Hi Sarah! Tim, alcoholic. I had been diagnosed with depression when I went to a rehabilitation clinic a good number of years ago. Paxil, Neurontin, (I think), Welbutrin (sp./ I think), Remeron, Celexa and some others were tried over a good deal of time. Psychiatry and psychology, more talking over what had been eating at me for a long time (disability) and understanding how I had to change my thought patterns, eventually relieved the need for them. Some people at AA meetings were so against taking ANY drug, even prescribed, that it was a bit difficult to stay sober. I mean, some of these "old timers" had it in their minds that if one took ANY kind of drug, you could not be called "sober". That attitude appears to have changed over the years. Anyway...Enough rambling and good to see you here. Stay around and read and post all that you wish. Good fortune...Tim
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"We posess the eyes through which the universe gazes with wonder upon its own majesty."
Hi Sara, welcome! Can't speak from the view of an alcoholic although many of the feelings that alcohol is used to cover up is experienced by many. Depression.....yeah.....went through my own bouts when AH was found to be having an affair. As they say "shook my world" Couldn't sleep eat ect. Knew I was not functioning that way to be able to care for my kids. Asked the dr. for something to get sleep. He gave me Paxil....... I took it for about a week. the problem was still there. I wasn't. LOL I awoke one night around 2am with urge to go to bathroom. I couln't move. Literally paralyzed except for my eyes. Could see clock in mirror across the room. I lay there for almost an hour unable to even speak to rouse my kids for help. I kept praying. Finally a toe was able to wiggle then the foot. I simply cannot explain the snail's pace before I was able to get up. When I did I walked straight to the medicine chest opened it and grabbed that Paxil. Down the toilet it went! I made it for about a year then another round of AH's bull. Back to the dr. Forget the name of the second med. It strung me out. I felt like I was sleep walking even after many hours of sleeping. They too went down the drain. Not familiar with severer forms of depression caused by chem. imbalance only what I've read. Best advice is level with your doctor about the alcohol abuse and follow his instructions. He is in a better position of helping than I am. Am glad though you are seeking help for both by your questions. Wishing you recovery in both areas. Wanda
Hi Sarah... I am Jamie... Just wanted to say welcome.. I see you already have some good responses up there and I am not sure what else to add... just wanted to welcome you!
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"Advice is what you ask for when you already know the answer but wish you didn't"
Hello Sarah. Alcoholic, Miller.... I beat the depression and the alcohol with the program of AA. The WHOLE program, honestly, fully, completley. It was that or death or insanity for me. Two and a half years sober, I continue to work it as hard as I can day in and day out. Welcome aboard.
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My warranty on tomorrow has run out. My guarantee on the past is void. Nothing is going my way... and I like it like that.
Welcome !! Im not new to recovery, after 13 yrs. I went back out and did more field test. Sure enough, without a dout in my mind, I proved to myself that yep...Im a would be drunk. I picked back up Nov.5, and let me tell you, It has been Hell on Earth by my own making because I KNEW after all those years I didnt HAVE to live like that. It reached the point where I was ready to pop a cap to put a end to it all. Then God gave me the wisdom to check out this web site and I made a Post. Let me tell you this, I have not recived anything but support from the folks on here. They have really helped me pull some things together and helped me get back on the road to recovery. I have never met any of them, but Ill tell you this.. THEY ARE TRUE FRIENDS !! You hang in there and dont pick up just for today..YOU WILL make it if you Ask God to help you plus do your part. I have 10 day's clean today, and without God, AA and my friends here online, Im 100% sure that I would have pulled that triger because I couldnt do it alone. I needed help, and I got it. All it took for me was to reach out. Im going to do for you what the others have done for me...pray for you. Ron
Hello you two! Sarah & Ron x Welcome to MIP. Be sharing with you soon & so glad you're here. Have a Happy Sober Day :) I wish you both the best in your recovery & keep coming back! Take good care for now. Love & Prayers, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
), I suffered, long before, from a delightfully debilitating ailment called Bi-Polar I(I), which, in the recent year, decided to stabilize at the serious unipolar depression facet of the emotional spectrum. At such time, my brain decided to essentially vacate the premises, chemically speaking, and I was condemned to an immeasurably dark abyss, from which I could not escape. 