"other side" being alanon... that's what we said down in Memphis if an AA went to alanon... lol there was a lot of anymosity between AA and alanon there...
Anyway... finally got up the courage to try an alanon meeting... all this going on with my bf... and seeing those alanon tendencies coming up in me again... I heard my first alanon speaker in March at the Spring Fling here, and related so much to what she said, looking back at how I was with ex-husband (who I believe to be an alcoholic)... but... didn't see me being that way with bf... so just kinda kept the idea of going in the back of my head...
Well, with all this going on with bf... his "dry drunk" I think he's on, and all this ranting and raving, and it's really affecting my serenity lately... and I started to see those things come up in me lately, that "controllingness" and wanting to "fix" him and what he's going through... and at the same time trying to remember I'm powerless and have no control... Well, looked up a meeting and decided to give it a try...
I told them I didn't know if I belonged there... I was looking at the alanon site, and it was talking about having a problem with someone else drinking, and I've never been around my bf while he was drinking, he has 13 years, and I've only known him for the past year... I was with my ex, and my dad's last wife when they were drinking though... I talked a little, and afterward they told me I did belong there... I could relate a little to what they talked about...
I went to my usual Thursday night AA meeting afterward... and I told my sponsor I went to the alanon meeting, and she thought it was great... I was actually worried about what she'd think about it, I didn't talk to her about it before I went, it was sorta a spur of the moment decision to go... since bf is at our friend's again for a couple of days... Sponsor did lecture me a bit on the 1 year suggestion on relationships though... she asked if he was affecting my serenity and I said yeah, a little... and so she lectured a bit on the relationship deal... but... I dunno... I do understand the reasons for it, but I love him and want to be with him, and am mostly trying to take care of myself right now... it's just a bit hard balancing taking care of myself and being supportive to him at the same time, but he at least understands, and we've talked a bit about it... and he's backed off a bit on the ranting and b*tching around me...
I haven't told bf I went... he started out in CODA and Alanon... so it's not like he'll give me crap for it or anything like that, hell, he'll probably go to some meetings with me sometime... I dunno... but not sure if I want him to really... Anyway... I'm glad I went, I'm going to try out some more alanon meetings around here... bf's sponsor said in a meeting on Monday that AA saved his life the first time, and alanon saved his life the second time... that's sorta what prompted the idea to actually go... hoping it will help me deal with things, and work on myself...
here where i live we say... AA is where i learn to stop drinking and stay stopped. Alanon is where i learn how to live. i think, just my opinion, if you think you belong there, you do. if it helps you on your healing journey, all the better. Aren't most alkies co-dependent?? i know i am. |My best friend in the AA program is going to a treatment center for co-dependency. I read alanon meditations every day. called "The Courage to Change". Isuggest you not keep it from your bf though... we are as sick as our secrets right? i don't know about you but it takes me a whole lot more energy to keep things from people, energy better spent on my recovery and my serenity. What he does with it...his reaction etc is his stuff not yours. Our only priority today is to stay sober and keep our side of the street clean.
Thanks Wendy, I did tell my bf last night when I talked to him, after I posted this, and he thought it was great, said that I probably do need it, and that his sponsor told him quite awhile ago that he ought to go to one alanon meeting a week, but he doesn't. He was actually proud of me for going
I was up all night last night... so decided to go into town this morning for a meeting while I was still awake... wasn't sure if I'd be awake for the 8pm AA meeting I usually go to lol So found an Alanon meeting, and really liked it, and could relate to more of it, and there were some really nice people there, including a couple of other recovering alcoholics... Went to an AA meeting after that at Central Office, since I wanted to pick up a couple of Alanon books there anyway... but was so tired, I left halfway through that meeting, came home, and passed out lol Woke up after a couple of hours to the phone ringing and right now I feel like I've been run over by a train, not enough sleep lol gonna try to wake up a bit so I can go to my usual friday night meeting...
Anyway, I will keep trying out Alanon meetings... there aren't really a whole lot here, but noticed there are several on the weekends, and will try out a couple this weekend. They're starting up a couples meeting here - AA and Alanon, first meeting is tomorrow night, and I'll see if bf wants to go to that... I'd heard someone mentioning going to the couples meeting in Omaha and said they really like it.
Anyway... gonna try to wake up and get some stuff done...
Thanks for sharing with us, Lisa. I read your posts now, and remember the posts from so many months ago, when things were so rough for you, and it gives me happiness to see how far you've come. I mean, really far. Thank the powers that be that we have this board to share both the great and the small things with eachother, eh? love, Chris
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
Thanks y'all... you know Chris, it's kinda cool, that a lot of people have said what you did, how things are changing for me, and I see it as well, things have really turned around... And... it's been a rough week, but I can handle it, as long as I use the tools - meetings, big book, sponsor, other alcoholics, these message boards and chat rooms I go to... I should be able to handle whatever comes my way, right? It's when I stopped working the program that things got so screwed up for me and I drank.
I did get to my usual Friday night meeting... I was still really tired, after only getting that couple of hours of sleep, but felt I was awake enough to go out there, it's about 18 miles away, really not too bad, no farther than going into Lincoln and I love this meeting. So I went. And as I was driving, realized how tired I was.... wasn't too tired to not drive safely, but, wasn't paying enough attention. Well, I'm driving down the highway and happen to look in my rear view mirror, which I wasn't doing as much as usual, and there are red and blue lights right on my tail. Christ...
So I get a ticket for $119... with the option to do the STOP program that will keep it off my record and I won't have to pay the ticket, but of course the program is $135. Was going 73 in a 60. He writes the ticket and tells me I'm free to go, but then asks if I mind if he searches my car. I do know I could have said no, but I had nothing to hide, told him to go ahead. When he got back in his truck, he asked if I smoked pot, and I said no, and asked why... well, I smoke flavored cigarillos sometimes, and had some in my purse, he said people use those for smoking pot??? I dunno, I never did. They explained to me at the meeting that that's how you make blunts? lol Anyway, told him I smoke cigars on occasion, that I'm trying to quit cigarettes, but roommate doesn't mind the smell of those cigars, so I have one every now and then. And he let me go.
*sigh*
Well, got to the meeting, drove the speed limit the rest of the way lol was much more aware after that lol And was behind someone going under the speed limit the whole way home after the meeting. I was just tired, and not paying attention, more tired than I thought I was I guess. My bf has warned me about cops in these small towns on the highway, I *KNOW* not to speed here, and usually don't. I really don't have the money for this STOP program.... but... I'm praying, and it'll work out one way or another... need to balance my checkbook, see exactly how much money I have, and I guess if I'm broke the rest of the month, then I'm just broke the rest of the month.
I needed that meeting tonight... really, I didn't have much to say on the topic, it was on the 5th step, which I haven't done yet... but... I needed to get some crap out... just kinda get it out that it's been a rough week... which helped a little, and I talked with a friend there quite awhile after the meeting. She told me she and one of our other friends had been talking about how good I was doing, that I'm doing what I need to be doing, going to meetings and taking care of myself, and that I just have a lot on my plate right now, but it's not worth losing my sobriety over it, which I know.... and it sorta helps to hear that coming from others in the program... I mean, I'm in AA for myself and all that, but it helps to have that encouragement and everything from others, and people telling me I'm doing good.
Anyway, sorry, I've written a novel here... my mind's been on overdrive lately... and I really need some sleep and rest... fixin to get to bed, got a few things to do tomorrow, but am gonna just try to take it easy mostly... I've just been worn out lately...
I feel kinda bad, seems like every time I post it's one big long ramble... lol and this post definitely was... but... I guess I figure, if you don't wanna read it, you don't have to, and if you do read it, *maybe* there's something there you can get something out of it, so why not go ahead and ramble... lol
Rambling's Gr8 & it helps keep us sober :) We do have a choice so ramble away. Nothing beats letting ourselves be known. Especially in safe company. Peace to you, Lisa. Bummer about that money, hey! Nice reminder to be mindful & recovery helps us to see the good, message, learning in everything. I'm glad you're getting fab feedback. I've not been here long so don't know too much on how things have been for you but by the sounds of things you're doing grand. Well done you. Keep up the good work ;) Love Dxx
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
