hi all, a month ago, my A has deceided to get back into AA. (was very involved for 3 years then fell off the wagon for a while) since returning to AA he is so quiet. doesn't talk much. i am just wondering what he is going through. is this usual when someone stops drinking? thanks and have a good one.....debbie
Hi Debbie! For me... I was quiet (which is not like me) for probably the first 2 months, maybe more, of sobriety. My body and mind was changing sooooo much that I had no idea who i was. I am still learning. I react completely different to situations and in evironments so differently now. I have slowly gotten back to who I am, which is outgoing... laughing... smiling... motivated. It just takes time to get use to. Just remember how much alcohol changes someone and the person gets use to that. Now with the absence of alcohol the person might need to learn how to live again. I have 4 months sobriety so I am still new at this whole thing.. and let me tell you that my personality is still changing (but getting more stable now ;) ) The first few months all I heard was... Jamie you were so much more fun when you were drinking (by the way that is one of the worst things for me to hear!!) Now I really don't hear that and I am learning to live again... it's great... it just takes time..
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"Advice is what you ask for when you already know the answer but wish you didn't"
When I first stopped drinking I was fairly quiet as I adjusted and accepted my alcoholism. I knew that I had to change and that was a pretty daunting task and gave me so much to think about. And, I also spent a lot of time thinking about how my behavior had affected other people and that left me feeling pretty quiet and withdrawn.
I'm sure that things will start to get better for you and for your boyfriend.
Please let us know how things are going for you, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
I've just about reached a week in my personal sobriety, so I am very new to this. My fiance just kinda sat me aside last night to tell me that she sees a great difference already and she likes it. If this quiet period is natural, does it take a little while for it to settle in? I'm not a quiet person on the norm, so do I go out of my way to fight it...or just make sure I/she understand(s) what it is exactly that happening and work with it? I don't see how going a little out of my way to maintain a higher/ more outgoing attitude could hurt...although I could be wrong, it's been known to happen.
Debbie, as has been said basically, there's probably a lot of personal thought and much of that can be the fight against those "drinking gremlins" that invite you to "go ahead and have another." We all go through this. It's a reorganization of thoughts and life processes, I believe. After all...it is a big change of lifestyle (and a VERY good one) and does take some time. As Jamie has said..A couple months or so and people won't remember the old drinking person but appreciate the new, sober one. I hope that makes sense and works well for you. Good fortune...Tim
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"We posess the eyes through which the universe gazes with wonder upon its own majesty."
thanks to everyone for the insight! i am trying hard to let my A do his own thing without interfering. i continue to do things that make me feel good. i go to the lake and garden, do crosswords, spend time with my adult kids. i don't ask questions regarding how he is feeling because it is obvious alot is going on and i feel as if he will talk if he needs to. today he told me he is very depressed. i said i was sorry and i was here as always if he wanted to talk. no further conversation but AA tonight. i'm doing good but i feel so bad for him because i know his life sucks now but his higher power is in control. thanks again. debbie
I'm probably not the best one to chime in with this...seeing as how early I am in my sober development, but if his higher power is in control and providing positive life experiences...there is no need to feel sorry for him. For at this point, while his life may be in the midst of difficult changes...I can assure you, down the road it will not be looked upon as a "suck" filled time. Just my 2 cents...with very little inflation.
David T