thanks for asking Phil.:) as usual...for this alkie... i have lots on my plate. Workin' lots and actually took another job today. At a youth group home. i live in a smaller city, population of about 35,000. was one the first jobs i wanted when i started my recovery. Finally got the call on friday and had my interview today. yes, i already have a full time job and work in a health food store one day a week. the full time is as an assistant mental health group home operator. the youth home is a casual position so i dont expect to be too combobbled down. hmmm..where the heck did i get that word from...combobbled... anyways. my 2 girls are ok, been better. thats hard for me to say considering i'm actually around and sober today. but thats my reality. just got my 6 months in and i guess my higher power figures i'm strong enough today to learn my girls reality. kind of like i've been bouncing along in my days like the world is ok as long as i am... pffft. like i've had blinders on...no peripheral vision. well gee, give myself a break hey?...i'm an alcoholic...an addict..selfish, and yup...self centered... and egotistical. what?? you mean those defects aren't removed the very minute i admit i'm powerless?? cha... well i can choose to wallow in mine and everyone elses shit...or..i can give my head a shake and pull some positives out of it. see..i am growing...i didn't start there but i came around quicker than i used to. :)
i found out recently that my daughter has been cutting herself for the last year and a half.. ya.., thats about how long its been since my last relapse started so i took my oldest daughter, she's 18, and drove her over to my sponsor to have a chat. i left and sat in the tim hortons parking lot for an hour. pulled out my journal to write and god said...psst... do a gratitude list...so i did. that changed my scenery. Amy has been going to alanon, which i'm forever grateful but shes really new and doesn't have a sponsor yet. So my sponsor has offered her phone # til she gets one. i've been praying lots needless to say and trying hard to let go and let god, my god. during meditation last night i saw, in my minds eye, being totally filled to the brim with god's will for me. Then i was cranky today. ha...my choice i guess. been a long day today, some tears. The really grateful thing though is that i haven't had a drink to escape. Today i know my strength and courage comes from a power greater than myself.
heard a great share at a meeting last night... write out a want ad...for my higher power. put in it everything i want in my higher power and leave out what i don't want. then all those assets i can practice becoming in myself. Create my higher power...create Wendy. i like it.
so when i tell myslef that i can't do something..from experience.. i'll try that much harder to do it. so i tell myslef today I can drink...if i choose to..i choose not to...not today. i choose recovery, sobriety , life, love and peace. love + my higher power = peace. i still have so much to say but i woke at 4 this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. been a long day.
Congratulations on the six months Wendy!!! Great job, and it sounds as though you're keeping thoroughly busy. "...have a drink and escape..." Why? You'd miss all the excitement!! Plunge headlong into life soberly and master it. You can...I believe you're already finding that out. Keep doing the right thing and enjoy every minute of it, bright or dark, it all passes...Tim
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"We posess the eyes through which the universe gazes with wonder upon its own majesty."
