I center my life around alcohol - i find a way to connect anything and everything to it; i blame my actions/thoughts/lifestyle-related things on the fact that I have alcoholic parents.
How do I stop this? Ever feel this way or do this?
Prayer and meditation, step 11, and you will slowly let it go.
My very first sponsor said to me ...... It doesn't much matter why i am a drunk whether i am morally deficient, some sort of deviant, had a tough childhood or an easy one, was bullied at school or mr popular, succesful or a failure, if my parents were supportive or neglectful or maybe it could be that a beer truck ran over my mothers foot whilst she was pregnant with me, whatever, i got it you think you got it the question now is what do you want to do about it live in the problem or live the solution?
"People are always blaming circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want and if they can't find them, make them."
George Bernard Shaw
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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
If you are like me then perhaps you are always seeking instant gratification.
We live the solution a day at a time and it gets better. I still find my instant 'reaction' will be to blame for my shortcomings but it is only me who can change them. My defects are my defects but how i act around my defects i have a choice. Try perhaps flipping your perception eg. feeling empathy for your parents, the pain you feel is the pain they felt try forgiveness instead of blame or maybe their experience is not that different than your own think how wonderful you would feel breaking the cycle ?
hi, lanchas :) good to 'hear' from you! I guess part of healing is the stage of anger, but then we do have to get past that. It looks like you are trying to get past that. yea! I also have come to look at my parents in a more compassionate way. They can also blame their parents! Nobody has perfect parents, and nobody is going to be a perfect parent themselves. That does not excuse abuse! But I've come to see my mother as someone who was taken away from her family and culture and brought to a strange place and made fun of. Her own mother had a hard time too, and they were not able to being nurturing to their own children. My father was abused with his siblings by a very violent father, so his role modeling was not good. He didn't learn good coping skills. My own parenting was not good, as I did what I learned, before I went into recovery. I'm the only one in recovery, and I'm so grateful to God that he answered my prayer, so that I could be a better mother.
My focus is that, for whatever reason, my own coping and social skills have needed improvement, and I have been working very hard to make progress. That is the key! To focus on our own self-improvement and go on to have better lives.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Al anon was a huge factor in helping me manage my life. I would suggest going to meetings rather than the message board though. It is my OPINION that every AA member (especially one who wants to sponsor someone in the program) go to al anon as well.
