I was talking on the phone to a woman about a business matter. I didnt know her but I was impressed by her work. When the conversation ended, I reflected on how many times I had been apologetic about who I was and what I was doing. There was no need for that!
Marianne Williamsons words came to mind: Your playing small doesnt serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people wont feel insecure around you.
When I was very young, I would intentionally play small. I knew I was blessed in some ways, and I didnt want others to feel badly by comparison. Very quickly, my well-intentioned but misguided impulse to protect others went underground: My pretense at playing small became my truth. Now, I have to consciously, diligently relearn to let my light shine.
~ Patrice Dont compromise yourself. You are all youve got. -- Janis JoplinWomen at Heart
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
Do you know I figured something out about myself this week. And it did come from being thoroughly honest with myself. I don't know what's so wrong with being honest with ourselves. Do we think that once we've figured out what/why we're doing something this will threaten our very ability to continue with it & then not manage to have that need met as we want. Yes, very probably, it would because we're people of conscience & couldn't continue with something inadequate or selfish once we know we're doing it. Ha! How self~defeating are we or me at least! How inadequate & silly. Maybe not so silly. Maybe there's a positive purpose within it all & that's our need to have needs met. No, the reason for the reply is that I realised (with the help of my sisters's disdain at my behaviour & attitude over the years & their reaction to that.. ) one of my biggest defects is insecurity. I have used insecurity as a defence. 'Please don't hurt me, please care for & sympathise with me, please take pity on me for I'm a wretched creature who needs your help....' I never thought of this as a defect before as I thought I REALLY WAS INSECURE! (I hope this is a true insight & something I can work with/on. My fear is that I would end up insecure & stuck again) The answer is that I don't have to be. It can no longer serve a purpose for me as I've seen it for what it is & taken the power out of it as a tool. I'm going to have to work harder at my own responsibility to meet my needs. I was thinking on this new notion whilst in a meeting tonight & I realised that since I don't need to use this strategy for a tool any more it was one more impotent defence to drop. All of a sudden I realised 'Yes, it really is just me & you God/HP & I felt safe inside. I don't need to cry out or beg unless I have a ligitimate problem. Not a neurosis of trying to grasp some type of tool or defect to try & meet my selfish needs. I realisedf that if I let that go & give it up I'm actually free to help others or ask for help where it's genuinely needed. The other thing I realised was that my playing small or insecure was an asking for love, acceptance & not to be rejected. The fact of the matter is that I AM loved & me asking for more or on my terms was an ingratitude for how people already do love me. How others love me is none of my business. It's personal to them & they have a right to it & to express it how they wish. Not for me to make ungrateful, unfulfilled demands. Anyway, back to your own point of playing small so as not to threaten others I know this is nonsensical because we can have true self~respect & love & give that out with humility. We can shine as bright as we like as long as we're humble. That's all we need & if others can't help feeling threatened we have to leave it up to them to figure that out for themselves. We can only be an example. I don't want to play small any more. I'd rather laugh at my frailties & know they're ok, not that important & believe in the greater good. I don't know about altruism. It doesn't matter. There's no reason good enough to be shy about serving the world. I'm going to do what I can & forgive myself at the end of the day. Thanks for the post Chris it really helped me get this out. Wanting to move on now. Thankyou, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
