If we get up in a meeting and tell something about ourselves in order to help the other person, we feel a whole lot better. It's the old law of the more you give the more you get. Witnessing and confession are part of keeping sober. You never know when you may help somebody. Helping others is one of the best ways to stay sober yourself. And the satisfaction you get out of helping a fellow human being is one of the finest experiences you can have. Am I helping others?
Meditation for the Day ~
Without God, no real victory is ever won. All the military victories of great conquerors have passed into history. The world might be better off without military conquerors. The real victories are won in the spiritual realm. "He that conquers himself is greater than he who conquers a city." The real victories are victories over sin and temptation, leading to a victorious and abundant life. Therefore, keep a brave and trusting heart. Face all your difficulties in the spirit of conquest. Remember that where God is, there is true victory.
Prayer for the Day ~
I pray that the forces of evil in my life will flee before God's presence. I pray that with God I will win the real victory over myself.
Hazelden
(Let it be a God or Higher Power of your own understanding)
I don't know what this means. I don't know how to have a God at the moment. I'm squandering my hours fighting on the ground getting wrapped up in problems & I wonder if my Recovery is ever going to help me deal with my own detachment. I can't detach right now. I'm hurt by the seeming lack of recovery in my own family & the problems we can cause to each other in our own inconsiderateness. My attempts at trying to be helpful & caring have been viewed as annoying. The 'people pleaser' in me. The wanting approval & peace when there's disruption. My sister again told me to get out of her life. She coats me in evil & drags me down with her own black & white attitudes & I nearly let her. It's only talking with fellow alcoholics & those who love & care for me without seeing me as evil who help. They believe the best in me. Her own words were that if someone is trying to be nice then they're over compensating because really they're evil. Maybe that's been her experience or interpretation. Her hatred & resentment of me from childhood makes me feel the same about her. I can't forgive unless she's prepared to but she doesn't seem to have that kind of intelligence right now. I feel the pain of rejection. Maybe tomorrow might be a better day for reconciliations. This program makes me lay down & die in the face of criticism sometimes & I have no defence. I can't take the other man's inventory so when I'm accused of ill motive I think it might be true & then I hate myself. It's either recovery or no. I have to ignore this sister sometimes & stay out of her life so that I don't upset her but also because she can rip me down with her own ignorance. How can she know what I've tried to do & how I've tried to change & grow up? I don't think she's interested. It's only personal to me. I don't want to live in the past & she still hates & blames me for it for when we were kids. I wish she could come into recovery & see herself. I'm not responsible for her pain but I suspect she thinks I am. Sad really & I have forgiveness for her but not the divine type. The 'understand me & I can forgive you' type. So yes I think that means there's hate & resentment I have for her too & that's fear-based. I know it. But I can't explain my feelings & the knowledge, understanding & wisdom there because she doesn't want it. She never wants me to have anything over & above what she has (not that it would be tho I do want to be a big sister for her & that doesn't make us less equal!?) Me forgiving her is in her words me being 'a martyr'. What are you supposed to do with that? What do we do when people are guilty of the same things they accuse others? I get confused. Is it back to Step 1? How do I find my God?
Yours 'in Recovery' Danielle
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Your post really touched me. We place such high expectations on ourselves! What a shock it is when finally we realize that we are only on a journey in the direction of perfection. It's all just about the journey Danielle, not the destination. Give yourself a break, and trust that you are moving at the speed and in the direction you are meant to. These types of things come up, and then they pass. Try to let go of outcomes and know where you are at the moment. Just you, not anybody else. Try to trust that your Truth will touch you when it's time. I'm going to add something I read in one of my books. ------------------------------ "Did we become wrapped up in the behaviors of others today? If we haven't detached from the problems of our boss, co-worker, or family member, we feel drained and used--like an old rag thats choked with years of dust and dirt.
Other people own their behaviours just as we own ours. If we buy into someone's attitude, then we have purchased a piece of that attitude. It's ours to feel, and feel it we usually do. Suddenly we become a reflection of the other person, displaying whatever emotions he or she is experiencing.
Now that the daytime is over, we can reflect upon our feelings and ask if they are ours or ones we purchased from others. To find our center, we need to discover the feelings that are ours alone. As we interact with people, we can refuse to purchase any more attitudes that are not our own". ------- "People disturb us. They sap our vitality from us....They pile upon us their conditons of fear and their atmosphere of despondency. In such cases we must regain our poise by the realization of the power that is ever within us. Find your own center--Horatio W. Dresser
~Nightlight
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
I agree so much with what Chris said about it being the journey and not the destination that really matters. When I was first sobering up I just wanted to be at the destination and I was missing so much.
I remember expecting other people around me to be trying to get into their recovery as much as I was. And, of course, that was unrealistic of me. We all have our ways of handling things, and some of us are better than others.
I've now learned that I can't 'fix' anybody else and I needed that lesson and I need to be reminded of it on a daily basis.
Please keep posting and letting us know how things are working out for, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Thanks very much for the care & wise replies ladies. I do feel much better today & better for sharing it too. I really appreciate that I can be honest here when I'm troubled even if it can change in an instant & be moved on from. I used to feel stuck in old thoughts & once I shared how I felt I was deep down I always felt that's how others viewed me, by my weaknesses. Here & in meetings or fellowship it isn't like that. We see that it is the journey & when we voice where we're at it can very quickly become where we were. It's lovely not to feel trapped in this way. Sometimes this isn't possible with old ties or familiy dynamics as we can relive our old patterns & dances. I have to remain convinced that my recovery will help these things change with time. Simply because I am changing. I wasn't in a good place yesterday so maybe it wasn't the best time to call as she wasn't in a good place either I don't think! I'm not interested in blame. I can only do my own inventory & be aware of her stuff that perhaps isn't mine. It won't do me any harm to see where we're similar too as long as I can be quiet & let her go her own way. There's only ever very rare moments where you get to have that kind of heart to heart with someone so all I can do is be a good example & work at getting well myself. Though I do fear how to admit when I'm wrong in case I get kicked or humiliated. I suppose it's about having some grace & knowing it takes courage to admit where we've been wrong & allow that person to respond simply how they want to. We don't have to own it. Thanks so much for the continued messages you both post that reinforce recovery. I'm always listening. Thankyou, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
