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Post Info TOPIC: Sponsor Relationship


Senior Member

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Sponsor Relationship
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Hi,
I was wondering, what is the sponser relationship supposed to be like? I mean, is she the teacher and I'm the student. Or is it not like that at all? The idea of giving authority to someone I hardly no is unappealing--I anticipate that I will be told to meet a lot of people and get a lot of numbers and maybe even "interview" people for the position (kinda sorta).
But I'm a really private person and I usually wait a VERY long time before I let people get close--not really a bad habit as far as I'm concerned. And sure, I can take my time to get to know people before asking someone to be my sponsor, but I really want to get started on the steps . . . I'm anxious to.
Suggestions?
Thank you!
Laura

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MIP Old Timer

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A quoted page re sponsorship...

------------------

So just What does a sponsor do?


In some ways, a sponsor is like a :

bulletgood friend
bulletteacher
bullettutor
bulletexperienced guide
bulletolder brother/sister
A sponsor is someone who has been where we want to go in our twelve step program and knows how we can best get there.  Their primary responsibility is to help us work the 12 steps by applying the principles of the program to our lives.  They lead us by example as we see how the program works in their lives through sharing their personal experiences and stories of where they were and where they are now.  We start to learn how to become sober by listening and doing the footwork that our sponsor shows us on a daily basis.  In time we make these new changes a habit which helps us to remain sober one day at a time. AA defines a sponsorship in this way: "An alcoholic who has made some progress in the recovery program who shares that experience on a continuous, individual basis with another who is attempting to attain or maintain sobriety through AA" 

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MIP Old Timer

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Hi Laura,

Here's an article I found on sponsorship. I hope it helps.

***********************************

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS began with sponsorship. When Bill W., only a few months sober, was stricken with a powerful urge to drink, this thought came to him: "You need another alcoholic to talk to. You need another alcoholic just as much as he needs you!"

He found Dr. Bob, who had been trying desperately and unsuccessfully to stop drinking, and out of their common need A.A. was born. The word "sponsor" was not used then; the Twelve Steps had not been written; but Bill carried the message to Dr. Bob, who in turn safeguarded his own sobriety by sponsoring countless other alcoholics. Through sharing, both of our co-founders discovered, their own sober lives could be enriched beyond measure.

What does A.A. mean by sponsorship? To join some organizations, you must have a sponsor - a person who vouches for you, presents you as being suitable for membership. This is definitely not the case with A.A. Anyone who has a desire to stop drinking is welcome to join us!

In A.A., sponsor and sponsored meet as equals, just as Bill and Dr. Bob did. Essentially, the process of sponsorship is this: An alcoholic who has made some progress in the recovery program shares that experience on a continuous, individual basis with another alcoholic who is attempting to attain or maintain sobriety through A.A.

When we first begin to attend A.A. meetings, we may feel confused and sick and apprehensive. Although people at meetings respond to our questions willingly, that alone isn't enough. Many other questions occur to us between meetings; we find that we need constant, close support as we begin learning how to "live sober."

So we select an A.A. member with whom we can feel comfortable, someone with whom we can talk freely and confidentially, and we ask that person to be our sponsor.

Whether you are a newcomer who is hesitant about "bothering" anyone, or a member who has been around for some time trying to go it alone, sponsorship is yours for the asking. We urge you: Do not delay. Alcoholics recovered in A.A. want to share what they have learned with other alcoholics. We know from experience that our own sobriety is greatly strengthened when we give it away!

Sponsorship can also mean the responsibility the group as a whole has for helping the newcomer. Today, more and more alcoholics arriving at their first A.A. meeting have had no prior contact with A.A. They have not telephoned a local A.A. intergroup or central office; no member has made a "Twelfth Step call" on them.

So, especially for such newcomers, groups are recognizing the need to provide some form of sponsorship help. In many successful groups, sponsorship is one of the most important planned activities of the members.

Sponsorship responsibility is unwritten and informal, but it is a basic part of the A.A. approach to recovery from alcoholism through the Twelve Steps.

***********************************

Take care,

Carol



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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss


MIP Old Timer

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Laura,
You reached out to strangers here and have opened up your heart to the many who
post on this board. You have found "friends" with a common bond...alcohol and the relationship, role, effects, and the impact upon each of our lives. That in itself was a big
step. Youv'e asked questions and recieved responses of encouragement, methods, what
worked and what didn't, as well as, input of the many emotional aspects we felt. We are
faceless to you, this is true, however we are everybit as real as those in f2f. It has been
noticed that you have done a bit of encouragement to others. So, to answer, your question
a sponsor is a bit of all. It is good to be cautious in revealing ourselves. Yet over skepticism
can be detrimental......... Taking the risk of opening up can lead to wonderful opportunities of self growth. Ex. One can find that physician that may have the answer to cure a medical
problem that has been struggle with. One can be led to a job that is more appropriate
for ones talents.....even one(s) that one never ever had imagined they had any talents for. In turn, one can relay his/her own experience and knowledge and teach someone else things
that others were seeking. Keep in mind, a sponsor was someone who started at the beginning just like you are and probably was a tad/very cautious as well.
It is sort of like a flower......a bud opens slowly into a beautiful bloom. One has to take
risks in order to "bloom". Take the risk.....one day at a time and reveal a bit here and there.
You will find that along the way you will be blossoming. Wishing you the best.

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Senior Member

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There's a very good book called "Twelve Step Sponsorship, How it works" by Hamilton B.
It's divided into 3 parts. Part 1- Finding a sponsor. Part 2- Being a Sponsor. Part 3- Working the Steps.
A very good book not only for the newcomer looking for a sponsor but for the person who's been asked to sponsor for the first time. Available in the recovery section at many book store and online. Bob.
BTW The author also wrote "Getting started in AA" another terrific book.

-- Edited by cooncatbob at 14:38, 2007-05-20

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Senior Member

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Thanks for all the information and thoughts here. Cooncatbob--I'll check out those books. :)
Learning--over cautious (i.e. living in fear) is one of my weaknesses . . .

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MIP Old Timer

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Hi Laura. Trust is a major thing for all of us, I believe. I haven't overcome it, but I have learned to work with it, thru it, and "act as though" until I can do it. It took me time to find a sponsor. Inside, I knew what I needed. I wanted to head for some sweet, gentle person who would hold my hand thru the steps when I was ready to begin the later ones. But knowing myself just enough at that point, I picked a very vocal and strong woman, knowing I couldnt play her. She'd verbally just grab me by the ear and yank me silly if (and when) I tried to ooze around her, LOL. And she still does it, all these years later.

Get somebody for temporary sponsorship until you find the person whose program you most closely would like to emulate. Trust will happen when you're ready. hug, Chris

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