and when I get restless I pick fights with people. Not physical fights, I just make mean spirited, hurtful little jokes and comments until I get a rise out of them. I have no idea why but somehow it makes me feel better. I get some perverse joy out of getting a strong emotional reaction form another human being.
Sometimes I think I'm worse to be around when I'm sober than when I'm drinking. Konw what I mean?
Hi Tipsy, Well, I'm not sure if I know what you mean, but I'm glad you came back and posted again. We're still hear. I'm still listening. Take care, Laura Had to edit post right after I . . .well, posted it because I realized I do know what you mean. I didn't pick fights during my first few weeks of sobriety (don't worry friends, I know I am still a newbie at this :), but I was quite crabby and I was easily irritated and had less patience than usual. I drank plenty of water and ate as best I could (and took tylenol for the headaches) in order to offset the chemical imbalance of losing my coping tool.
Lol - I suspect that I was worse to be around in early sobriety vs my drinking days as drinking numbed me, but early sobriety made me SO irritable and miserable. In my own experience, though, the serenity and a new ability to cope with things and be more interested in my fellow man came a bit later in, after my program really started to "stick".
There is of course, the reality that this program doesn't change who we really are. If we were not people pleasers to begin with, 12 steps likely wont turn us into the team player of the century, ya know? Again - that statement based on my experience and on one guy in particular in my home group who is a self proclaimed A-hole - always was, likely always will be, but at least now he's a sober A-hole, and, due to the program, will probably live forever.
(Good to see you again, regardless of your present irritability or whatnot.)
my take on this is a bit different than the ones above, because my experience has been different, I guess. I come from an abuse alcoholic family. We used to get into fights because of the adrenalin rush as much as anything else. It is called a 'dry' drunk. Getting off the alcohol is only part of it, as the previous poster alluded to. We can settle for just not drinking alcohol and keep our stinking thinking,, or we can go into real recovery. Yes, the AA program is for real recovery, and it is possible. It takes work, honesty, and willingness to change, but 'it works if you work it so work it cuz you're worth it'.
we who are addicted to one thing, tend to be addicted to a lot of things, cigarettes, sex, relationships, gambling, adrenalin rushes.
When you get bored, go to a meeting, read your 'Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions' book and the Big Book, call your sponsor . Get a hobby.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
I know exactly what you mean Tips & it is perverse. Sick & perverse. My ex used to have moments where he affected me like that & he's the only person I can remember who made me literally want to self harm on occasion. We get a kick because we're turning our own feelings into something else. Because we're uncomfortable with our own emotions we knock onto other people to try & pass them on, lose responsibility for them & then watch with fascination as we actually have an effect on another human being. Sometimes we feel so futile & worthless that to get a reaction out of someone else taking us seriously for that moment is a great sensation & temporary distraction from our own malady. But, yes, sick & twisted & ridiculously cruel when really we shouldn't be getting any attention at all with our pathetic ruses. It's not really a very well enlightened existence is it? And to be acting out in those ways is detrimental to your own growth & progress. It is what's known as a dry drunk where we act out on old thinking & don't develop spiritually. If you read your literature (especially since you're bored!) you'll learn how to question yourself & put the responsibility back with you. You'll eventually learn that these thoughts & behaviours are unacceptable to yourself too & you'll change as you tune into a positive conscience. Thanks for your honesty. I hope you can learn with what's suggested. Danielle
-- Edited by Sobrietyspell at 08:56, 2007-05-10
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
So what are you doing for your recovery? What step are you on? What does your sponsor suggest?
Alcohol is only a symptom of the problem.
Take away alcohol, but do nothing else, and you have a dry drunk. They don't tend to be very 'nice' people.
This is a program of action.
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"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguements and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
~Herbert Spencer
We do this when we are spiritually sick. Once you do steps 1 2 and 3, you should feel more calm, serene and stop snap judging people and messing with them.
You have returned and that is important. Go to meetings...work the steps.....one step one day at a time. You can overcome this too. Wishing you the best.
