I hate meetings. I hate a Higher Power. I hate anyone who has a Program. To all who come in contact with me, I wish you death and I wish you suffering.
Allow me to introduce myself. I am the disease of alcoholism. I am cunning, baffling and powerful. That's me! I have killed millions and I am pleased. I love to catch you with the element of surprise. I love pretending I am your friend and lover. I have given you comfort, have I not? Wasn't I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, didn't you call me? Wasn't I always there? I love to make you hurt. I love to make you cry. Better yet, I love when I make you so numb you can neither hurt nor cry -- you can't feel anything at all. This is true glory. I give you instant gratification and all I ask of you is long-term suffering. I've always been there for you. When things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didn't deserve these good things, and I was the only one who would agree with you. Together we were able to destroy all things good in your life.
People don't take me seriously. They take strokes seriously, heart attacks seriously, even diabetes they take seriously. Fools that they are, they don't know that without my help these things would not be made possible. I am such a hated disease and yet I do not come uninvited. You CHOOSE to have me. So many have chosen me over reality, peace and serenity.
More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a 12-Step Program. Your Program, your Meetings, your High Power all weaken me and don't allow me to function in the matter I am accustomed to.
Now I must lie here quietly. You don't see me, but I am growing bigger than ever. When you only exist, I may live. When you live, I only exist. But I am here -- and until we meet again, IF we meet again, I wish you contented death and suffering.
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
IF we meet again, I wish you contented death and suffering. great post!! and i just keep telling my self not today, not today!!You cannot have me back. have a great day! Wagon
I like to visualize my disease as the lover/boy friend/girl friend who is put in prison by my working a 12 step program. There out there in the yard pumping iron and getting strong just waiting to get out on parole. They make collect calls promising that things will be different this time if I just give her one more chance. She tells me about all the good times we had together while omitting all the bad. Just for today I have caller ID, I won't answer Alcohol's call and my disease can spend another day behind bars, Waiting. Bob.
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Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt, and
dance like no one is watching.
Thanks so much for posting this!!! It was up on the bulletin board at my home group back home... and I searched online to get a copy of it and couldn't find it! Now I can save it to my computer
Ouch! Harsh! Reading your post was like peeling a very sticky bandaid off a very hairy arm. Thanks for putting the gianormous mirror up for me to see the evil dude in me. . . . I'll take a page from Lisa's book and save this post in my computer . . .
I like to visualize my disease as the lover/boy friend/girl friend who is put in prison by my working a 12 step program. There out there in the yard pumping iron and getting strong just waiting to get out on parole. They make collect calls promising that things will be different this time if I just give her one more chance. She tells me about all the good times we had together while omitting all the bad. Just for today I have caller ID, I won't answer Alcohol's call and my disease can spend another day behind bars, Waiting. Bob.
I've read that before, but jeez, forgot how impacting it is, Doll. Thank you. Bob's analogy is right on. I felt my stomach do a double flip when I read that first paragraph. Excellent reminder how cunning, how baffling, how freakin' sneaky and disguised this disease is.....Chris
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
Each time I read yet another article of what alcohol does to the human body, mind and spirit.......there is gratitude sent upwards that I freed myself of its grips before it had time to hold me prisoner. I also pray that "light bulbs turn on" for those who are held bondage and can find their way to break that hold. Thank you!!!
"I have given you comfort, have I not? Wasn't I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, didn't you call me? Wasn't I always there? I love to make you hurt. I love to make you cry. Better yet, I love when I make you so numb you can neither hurt nor cry -- you can't feel anything at all. This is true glory. I give you instant gratification and all I ask of you is long-term suffering. I've always been there for you."
Right up untill you turned against me. I'll always remember....
Thanks so much for the post. Love it!
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My warranty on tomorrow has run out. My guarantee on the past is void. Nothing is going my way... and I like it like that.
I heard that exact dialogue the other night and I looked over my shoulder and this is what I saw:
I fled like the wind and bought two packs of cookies and a six pack of root beer, went home and watched 28 Days and clean and sober over and over and over.
Thats the boy from the pogues, isn't it ? Have you seen him more recently? Dunno about today but not so long ago he was, in my opinion, ravished by this disease. Very sad.
I think of my as a beast asleep inside me and alcohol/drugs as a stick beside it if i pick up that stick it is sure to wake the beast so i don't pick up.
I like Bob's better though, that is scary the thought of it getting bigger and stronger and ready for the next round.
Thats the boy from the pogues, isn't it ? Have you seen him more recently? Dunno about today but not so long ago he was, in my opinion, ravished by this disease. Very sad.
I think of my as a beast asleep inside me and alcohol/drugs as a stick beside it if i pick up that stick it is sure to wake the beast so i don't pick up.
I like Bob's better though, that is scary the thought of it getting bigger and stronger and ready for the next round.
We had a couple in the fellowship here, at the time they both had just under 18 years. My ex used to refer to them as Mr. & Mrs. NA. They started to have problems and he got abusive so she kicked him out. They separated, he returned to insanity and used. He had Parents. Grand Parents, Children, Grand Children and Sponses and a Sponsor and a Wife who all still loved him. Nobody could save him. He saw his wife with her new friend at the NA convention in San Jose, flipped out drove to San Francisco and jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge. There were over 500 people at his funeral half of them from the 12 step world. I'd talked to him at the Friday night meeting the week before he died and he said he was doing better. I've always regretted that I didn't ask him to call me as I'd been in a break up the year before and knew how he felt, but he'd had so much time and so many friends I felt he was being watched after. But once the BEAST is released no human power can help you.
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Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt, and
dance like no one is watching.
Thats the boy from the pogues, isn't it ? Have you seen him more recently? Dunno about today but not so long ago he was, in my opinion, ravished by this disease. Very sad.
The one and only Shane MacGowan. As far as I know the rest of the band are all sober. In the Video "If I fall from Grace" one of the band members says something about that and that only Shane can manage to keep going under those conditions- that everyone else had to get sober or they'd just cave in and die.
Looking at him I dont think he's long for this world.
